Why do men cheat? Why do men cheat? Signs that your husband is cheating

Seneca

Why do men cheat? I know that this question interests many women. He is mainly interested in those women who need a serious and long-term relationship with their beloved man, those who adhere to family values ​​and consider betrayal an unforgivable act. And this is understandable, because for a normal relationship, the devotion and trust of partners to each other are of great importance. And betrayal is always pain, suffering and humiliation, and sometimes it is very difficult to survive. Therefore, women are not just concerned about the issue of male infidelity - they want to know how it can be solved. In this article I will explain why men cheat on their wives and what a woman can do to prevent cheating. Understanding the reasons for male infidelity and the ability to competently influence them will help many of you, dear women, build a reliable relationship with your beloved man or improve existing ones.

First of all, I want to draw your attention, dear readers, to the fact that not all men cheat on their women, despite their polygamous nature. And not only because they cannot do this, as some representatives of the fairer sex believe, who see all men as potential traitors, but also because of their convictions. Unfortunately, there are not very many such men, but they exist, and you should know about it. After all, male infidelity can have a lot of reasons with the help of which it is possible, in some cases, to justify, and in others to explain this act. But if a man himself does not consider cheating an acceptable act for himself, he will not cheat on the woman he loves and respects. But what kind of man is next to a woman depends on her.

True, in life there are much more often men who can cheat on their woman if they have a reason or reason for cheating. Below I will talk about the main reasons why men cheat, and you, dear women, be sure to think about how exactly your behavior can contribute to male infidelity. First of all, you really need to exclude your own mistakes, because of which a man could cheat on you, and only then look for opportunities to influence him, if at all possible. Keep in mind that there are some men whom you will never change - they have cheated, are cheating and will cheat on all the women with whom they begin to live. And if your man is just like that, then you can only come to terms with his infidelities, or leave him. And there are men who cheat on their woman largely through her own fault. In this case, a woman should pay attention to herself and her actions, her behavior with a man, her attitude towards him. And then, correct all those shortcomings that push her man to cheat. If, of course, the man is dear to her, and she wants him to be faithful to her. So, carefully study the reasons for male infidelity described below and then compare them with what was or is in your life.

Reasons for male infidelity

1. Tendency to cheat. A man's tendency to cheat depends on his upbringing. As I said above, there are men who cannot help but cheat, since cheating is part of their life for them. They change not only because they can change, but also because they want to do so. Communicating with such men, I realized that they cannot even imagine life without relationships with different women. Therefore, trying to instill in them other values ​​is, if not absolutely pointless, then at least very difficult. You can, of course, talk about male nature, about male polygamy, which pushes him to betrayal, and we will talk about this below, but still upbringing in this case plays a very important role. By nature, we are inclined to different actions, but this does not mean that we need to do them all and then justify these actions with our natural essence. Therefore, it is appropriate to say that there are men who love to constantly have love affairs with women, and such men appeared not thanks to nature, but thanks to upbringing. For them, love victories are a way of life. Women call such men womanizers, and it is not difficult to recognize them - such men pay too much attention to other women, they cannot help but do it. If a woman gets along with such a man, then she should not count on his loyalty to her. If she needs it. It is important to understand here that if a person has formed exactly such an attitude towards relationships with the opposite sex and towards life in general, then it is practically impossible to change this person, at least without his own desire, or without urgent need. After all, people usually live as it suits them,
and not in the way it supposedly should, especially for someone else. Therefore, many womanizers have no desire to give up pleasure and live the life they want. Therefore, either do not get along with such men if they do not suit you, or do not demand from them what they cannot give you. But they can’t because they don’t want to. Remember that a scorpion stings because it is a scorpion, that is its nature. And male nature forces him to show attention to other women, like a male to females. And upbringing corresponding to this nature can cement in him an unshakable tendency to betray. This is when a man is taught from childhood that having many women is an achievement and a feat, that real men conquer different women, and are not content with just one. Therefore, the more women a man had and has, the better, the higher his value. Moreover, this is not only a man’s point of view, but women themselves can think so. Therefore, for some of them, male polygamy is the norm, since it is an integral biological quality of the stronger sex. A man with such convictions will not want to limit himself in his desires.

2. Pursuit of pleasure . You know, I pay special attention to this point, because I believe that pacifying one’s desires and appetites for the sake of both one’s own and others’ good is characteristic of exclusively prudent people. All people in this life strive for pleasure, avoiding pain; this is a natural desire for us. But you can strive for pleasure in different ways - you can do this by respecting the interests and needs of other people, especially close, dear, loved ones, or you can be a terrible egoist and think only about yourself. Now, when a man does not value the interests, feelings, needs and desires of his woman, his wife, thinking only about himself, about his interests, desires and needs, he is a real egoist, the desire for pleasure of which pushes him not only to cheat, but also to many other actions unacceptable for a woman. For example, to disorderly spending of money, to excessive drinking, to gambling, and so on. Many women who live with such men and with whom I had the opportunity to work said that their husband had become selfish. That is, you see, from their point of view, he was not one when they met, but became an egoist after some time. This really happens, for a number of reasons, I will not deny it. Too good a life relaxes a man, and he begins to allow himself a lot. But very often an overly selfish man can be recognized at the initial stage of getting to know him. You just need to pay attention to all sorts of little things in his behavior. And then it will be possible to see whether he is an egoist or not. Or rather, what kind of egoist he is - terrible or moderate. If you see that he is all for himself, everything for himself, everything for himself, that he often forgets about your interests and you have to constantly ask him for something, but he himself cannot guess about your needs - draw conclusions. Even by such seemingly distant things from relationships as frequent car changes, when a man constantly strives to buy himself a new, modern car, you can understand what his nature is. And it’s not about money, it’s about the desire for something new, better, which can be too reckless, indicating a person’s inability to appreciate what he already has. In itself, the desire for something new and better is a correct desire, but the form of this desire can be different. If, say, having a good, working car, a man exchanges it for a new one without any apparent need, seeking pleasure like a child, then why can’t he do the same with his woman, cheating on her for the same pleasure? You see, dear women, the maturity of the mind is determined, among other things, by a person’s ability to control his desires. Selfishness, in its unsightly form, is inherent in children, that is, in the immature mind. Children are also drawn to pleasure, without realizing where such a desire can lead them, and if they are not limited, they can, first of all, harm themselves. Only an adult, a man, must be able and want to limit himself, for the sake of a normal, stable life, for the sake of happiness with his woman. If he doesn’t do this, you shouldn’t be surprised at his betrayal and betrayal. There is little demand from children.

3. Desire to diversify your sex life. This desire is inherent in many people of both sexes. The only question is how strongly it manifests itself and in what form. Over time, everything becomes boring, this is understandable, but to maintain interest in life, in sex, in the opposite sex, in your woman or in your man, some kind of variety is necessary. A man especially needs this, because his masculine nature cannot accept monotony in sexual relationships. The Coolidge effect just describes the theory of polygamy in males; read about it to understand what needs are inherent in male nature. Therefore, a woman either needs to add some variety to her sexual life, or there is a high probability that a man will look for this variety on the side. In principle, if you approach this issue with imagination and enthusiasm, then you can diversify sexual relationships very well, and in such a way that it will be interesting and will bring great pleasure not only to the man, but also to the woman. There are many ways to diversify your sex life. So you can study them and take advantage of them.

4. Dissatisfaction. In part, this point is a continuation of the previous one, only in this case, a man’s sexual dissatisfaction can be associated not only with a lack of variety in sex, but also with its insufficient quantity and low quality. Also, a man’s sexual dissatisfaction can be affected by the simplicity of sexual relations, without, so to speak, sexual fantasies, which have long become the norm for our depraved society. These fantasies, in fact, there is nothing wrong with them, it is a kind of highlight in sex that affects its quality. It must be present in the relationship between a man and a woman, so that they are interested in each other and so that they are attracted to each other. Therefore, if there is little sex in a man’s life or it is not of sufficient quality, he may well be pulled to the left. But this is a fixable matter, unless it is a problem for the woman herself.

5. Lack of emotional intimacy. Sex is sex, but we are still people, not animals, so in addition to animal instinctual needs, we also have human spiritual needs, including spiritual intimacy with a loved one. From work experience, I can say that there are not many men who feel dissatisfied with their relationship with a woman due to the lack of spiritual intimacy with her, and therefore cheat on her. But they exist, so a woman must take this male need into account. In general, a woman who loves her man usually does not have problems with spiritual intimacy with him. Nevertheless, more attention should be paid to this point. Rare men who value a woman’s spiritual qualities are valuable in their own way, but they also have unique needs. Don’t forget to satisfy them and then such a man will simply have no reason to cheat on you.

6. The desire to assert oneself. This is also a very common reason why men cheat. This desire arises mainly among men with complexes and lacking self-confidence. Having no idea of ​​themselves, they want to fill the inner emptiness with insignificant external achievements, seeing this as their only opportunity to become more significant, primarily in their own eyes, as people. But there are also men who do this out of conviction and even with a certain degree of aggressiveness, since they are confident that self-affirmation through numerous sexual victories is a manifestation of a man’s strong qualities. A man’s self-doubt and his complexes can be dealt with; a woman can do this herself, with the help of the right attitude towards her man, or by turning to a specialist who will tell her what and how to do. But with the beliefs that a man holds about sexual victories, with the help of which he asserts himself, things are more complicated. Here it is already necessary to change a man’s worldview, instill in him new values, and show him life from the other side. Not every specialist can do this. However, if a man himself recognizes the need to change his behavior, for the sake of his woman, for the sake of his family, for the sake of happiness, he can be helped.

7. Dissatisfaction with your life. Some men may decide to cheat due to dissatisfaction with their lives. In this case, a woman may have nothing to do with the behavior of a man, who, according to a number of other criteria, may rate the quality of his life very low. Hence, he has a need to improve it with the help of new sensations, new acquaintances, new relationships, new adventures. This is not a common case, but it is quite interesting, primarily because such a man can treat his woman very well, but still cheat on her. For such a man to stop cheating on his woman, his wife and generally stop being dissatisfied with his life, he needs to rethink a lot. In this case, the woman should advise her man to change, for example, his job if he doesn’t like it, or his place of residence if it’s terrible, in order to improve his quality of life and at the same time his own life. Then the man will not need betrayal as a means of consolation. However, if the situation is difficult, if he explains a man’s dissatisfaction with his life by dissatisfaction with his relationship with his woman, thus shifting responsibility for his, primarily internal, problems onto her, then it is necessary to understand this issue more thoroughly. After all, the same midlife crisis can affect a man’s vision of his life in extremely gloomy tones, which will not correspond to reality, but will nevertheless have a very strong impact on his behavior. And if a man is not able to clearly formulate his thoughts, explaining his dissatisfaction with a relationship with a woman - he cannot explain what exactly he does not like, what does not suit him, what he lacks in this relationship - it is better to drag him to a psychologist, by any means. Otherwise, such dissatisfaction may begin to manifest itself not only in betrayal, but also in other wrong and thoughtless actions.

8. Revenge. If there were actions in a woman’s life that caused great offense to her man, if she herself was unfaithful to him, then the likelihood that he will cheat on her out of revenge is quite high. But this can be avoided, or you can make sure that a man’s betrayal does not happen again because of this reason, and for this you need to start treating him very well, showing him your love and respect, and showing that you value him very highly, like a man. It is important that a man feels like a man, and not a rag on which to wipe his feet. Show him that you cheated on him by mistake, and not because another man was better than him. In this way, you can dissolve the resentment that has lodged in him, and then the desire to change in order to take revenge will disappear. In general, dear women, try not to make mistakes that could negatively affect your life, and in particular, your relationship with your man. I understand that this sounds somewhat banal, but you know, when a person often thinks about this - about the consequences of his actions, he begins to take them into account. Therefore, I believe that every woman needs to think more often about what this or that action will lead to before committing it. You just need to accustom yourself to this. Then you will not do anything for which your man will want to take revenge on you, including through betrayal.

9. Boredom. Sometimes a man simply becomes bored and uninterested with his woman, as a result of which he begins to be drawn to adventures on the side. This is one of the most common reasons for male infidelity, but I nevertheless believe that it originates from upbringing. Yes, living with one woman who, for example, is not interested in what a man is interested in, and also takes care of children all day long without paying enough attention to him, can become boring over time. But I can say with complete confidence that any life becomes boring over time, and making it interesting at the expense of causing pain to another person, I think, is unacceptable for a serious, cultured, educated person. In my understanding, boredom is not a reason to cheat, it is a reason to cheat. And if a man uses this reason to improve his life, but at the same time making it worse for his woman, this speaks of his low moral and spiritual qualities. If a woman is ready to put up with this, she can close her eyes to it; if not, she should think about a more worthy life partner.

10. Weakness. A man’s weak character, because of which he follows everyone’s lead, may be the reason that another woman will seduce him and he will decide to cheat. And if his woman, his wife, constantly pushes him around, having complete power over him, then he will cheat on her without any regret. Such weak men, of course, are disgusting, but often women themselves make their men like this, driving them under their thumbs. Those women who want to dominate their men go against the laws of nature. They kill the man in their men. On the one hand, this allows a woman to gain power over her man and achieve obedience from him, but on the other hand, she gets either an extremely homely man, practically incapable of anything serious, or complete squalor, the power over which can be seized by any more or less active woman. Therefore, I believe, I am simply convinced of this, that for a normal relationship, a man should remain a man, and a woman a woman. I understand that life today dictates its own rules, when a woman needs to take on male responsibilities - to support herself, her children and even her family, solve problems, and do other things for which a man is more suitable. It is difficult for such women to give leadership in the family to a man, especially to a man who does not even remotely resemble a leader. But there is no need to suppress such men. You can try to help them become normal men, there are such opportunities, but you don’t need to make a rag out of them and then wipe your feet on it. Today you wipe your feet on this rag, tomorrow another woman will do it, who will take this toy from you not without her, or rather his, consent. A weak man is greedy for everything, and so that he does not cheat, he needs to instill a sense of self-esteem so that he respects both himself and his woman, and does not allow anyone to interfere in his personal life, much less ruin it. And a depressed, humiliated, bullied man has no self-esteem - it is killed in him. He does not control external factors, they control him. Such a man can cheat, become an alcoholic, and do a lot of stupid things. And in general, there is not much benefit from such male individuals. So, dear women, think carefully before suppressing a man in a man, with the expectation that he will become a toy for you, which you can twist and twirl as you wish. Such a man, let’s say, can not only cheat on you, but also cause a lot of other troubles.

These, in fact, are all the main reasons for male infidelity that I most often encountered in my practice. We will talk about other reasons, less significant and less common, another time. For now, I think, these reasons are more than enough for every woman to be able to draw the right conclusions for herself regarding how she should and should not behave with her man, so that he does not have a desire to cheat on her. Also, a woman should think very carefully, and even better, consult with knowledgeable people about which man is best for her to connect her destiny with, taking into account her desires and plans for life. For not every man is capable of being what a woman wants to see in him.

In conclusion, I would like to say a little about what I see as the main problem of male infidelity and why it needs to be solved so that both the man and the woman feel good together, so that they are happy with each other. Everything, I believe, depends on people’s attitude towards life and what they want to get from it.

If a person professes family values, then this is one thing, but if a person professes free love and a lifestyle free from any obligations, then this is another. Each person has his own desires and goals in life. And, I believe, everyone needs to act based on these very desires and goals, without deceiving themselves and other people. If a man cannot or does not want to live a family life, which implies taking on certain responsibilities and obligations, then he does not need to get married, have children, and then run to the left, thus creating certain problems for his family. After all, not every woman can put up with this. There is no need to ruin the lives of other people, because you can live the way you want, with those who share your views on life. And a woman should also understand that there is no need to get along with a man who is not only incapable of being faithful to his loved one, his beloved woman, but also to live a family life in general. Well, some men are not suitable for this, whatever one may say.

And in general, we all need to remember that we are driven not only by our instincts, but also by our minds. Therefore, we need to learn to pacify our selfishness and not follow the lead of some of our desires, so as not to cause pain to other people, especially the people we love and care about, who trust us. So, if a man can cheat, this does not mean that he needs to do it. If he has a good, loving, respectful woman next to him, then by cheating on her, I think he is cheating on himself. He betrays not only her, but also himself and his happiness!

In the modern world of information technology, one can often catch the following motive: “all men cheat on their wives.” Is this really so, are all representatives of the stronger sex really “weak” and cannot remain faithful to the only one they have chosen as their wife?

In the article, we collected the findings of psychologists, as well as the opinions of people on forums, about why men cheat. Note that we are talking about cheating not only in marriage, on one’s legal wife, but also on a girl with whom a relationship has just begun. We have highlighted the main points that you can read now.

What do the researchers say?

Indeed, according to research, about 70% of married men have cheated at least once, and about 70% of the scoundrels regret it. Another question is why a man cheated on a girl, especially if the relationship has just begun. It seems that this is a separate topic for discussion. But according to statistics, there are quite a few such betrayals - approximately 40% of betrayals. Let's look at why men decide to cheat?

Analogies with the animal world

The first thing to remember in this matter is that among all the great primates, which we are, cheating is a normal thing that all males do. Now you can say “but we are not animals...”, and you will be right and wrong at the same time. They are right, since our brain already has higher superstructures that open up many goodies and tricks for us (including male monogamy), and no, since the brain is based on the same primitive instincts. And if so, then we can consider male infidelity as a kind of ... relic of the past.

Despite this, we have a strong belief that cheating in marriage and relationships is unacceptable. At all. By the way, betrayal can be not only physical, but also moral. Moreover, the second option of betrayal is much worse, because they can “go wrong” simply because they are drunk; there are quite a few such cases. But when it comes to moral betrayal, you already understand that there are no feelings.

Psychologists say that both sides are to blame for any betrayal!

Let's consider the reasons for men cheating

1. The desire to prove to yourself your own “coolness”.

For many men, sex with many girls is a sign of status and dignity. It's like collecting hunting trophies, the more girls he has, the more alpha he feels. This rumor also circulates among girls (especially young ones), which supports this stereotype among men. But this, of course, is not always the case.

2. The need for constant sex.

Such a “need” may be well founded from a scientific point of view, but this does not make treason something different. Men with a high level of sexual desire have a tendency to cheat, since in most cases one girl is simply not able to satisfy them without physical harm to herself. Often, this is the rationale for a man cheating but not leaving. He just doesn't have enough sex, although that doesn't excuse him.

3. Potential of the young

Alas, the depths of our brain are still full of instincts and they dictate to our subconscious that it is best to have contact with young and more promising girls, neglecting our beautiful, but alas, not so young wife.

Reasons for cheating on the part of a woman:

1. Negligent attitude towards sex

It's probably no secret that sex is extremely important for men. The feeling of his greatness and power descends on him during this act. Sometimes women have a very negative attitude towards the constant manifestation of sexual desire (it’s not for nothing that there are so many jokes in folklore about a sore head and all that), from which men sooner or later become bored with just waiting, or engaging in self-satisfaction, and he goes to the left.

2. The desire to completely control your man

Such a desire leads to the fact that you simply piss the man off. And it’s good if he is a rational and wise person who thinks and weighs everything, but what if not? What if he's just impulsive? Then please meet another cheater. This situation is not uncommon. Sometimes it's worth giving a person a little freedom.

3. Self-speculation

It also happens that a wife uses her body to achieve her goals. For example, she can set a condition: “you buy an iPhone, then we’ll continue.” Dear readers, this will not make a man want to woo you with gifts; on the contrary, he will turn him away from you. Sooner or later, someone who simply likes your man without any gifts will appear at work. Then don't be offended. Of course, again, this does not justify his betrayal, but it is your fault.

Common reasons:

1. Tense atmosphere on other “fronts”.

Often tension at work, with friends or with children is transferred to other areas of life, and so it is here. One wrong word can instantly change the attitude towards each other. As described above, 70% of cheaters regret what they did, this point is about them. People who honestly love their wives, but succumbing to the impulse of recklessness, they went to another girl.

1. Inability to find something new in a loved one.

And this happens to the best of us, the fiery feeling of love weakens, and we, unwillingly, think about others. Both are to blame here: just as a man cannot see all the beautiful things for which he fell in love with a girl, and the girl, upon achieving her goal (stamp in her passport), stops putting on makeup, dressing up beautifully, and wearing her best perfume.

Even the Bible says to “give credit to one another to avoid temptation.” It is not for nothing that this is mentioned even in the Holy Scriptures.

What do men say?

It is noteworthy that most cheaters are happy in their marriages. They admit that they are not ready to leave for someone else, because... love their chosen one. Such “individuals” can assure of love a thousand times, but in our opinion, this is not an explanation. It's called a little differently - a womanizer. Think for yourself, if a person loves you, he will not be able to hurt his companion.

Should I forgive betrayal or not?

When you have found out the reason for the betrayal and understand that the reason is 100% only in him, then you can think about what to do next. But, as mentioned above, betrayal is the merit of both. Perhaps at some point you stopped spending time together. Maybe quarrels and scandals have become common in your family and the man simply gave up when somewhere he is treated better than at home. It is sad.

There can actually be many reasons for a man to cheat. We have just noted a few key factors. But it all comes down to family relationships. It is unlikely that on his honeymoon he would have had the desire to cheat. It turns out we need to revive our feelings. Are you ready to forgive? Okay, but you shouldn’t remember this, otherwise he will have a new reason for cheating - your reproaches.

If your relationship has begun to fade, try several options to “shake it up” again. For example, do . He is not for you, but you. This something unusual will make you relive the moments that he experienced, and he, for his part, will feel what it is like to be a slave.

Surprise yourself. Do something that is not typical for you. Relationships are work, enormous work. And we're not talking about sexy teacher outfits or anything like that. There used to be women who could literally drive you crazy with just a touch. Explore this topic in more depth.

Control yourself, not him. Would you be bored with yourself? TV series, gossip, TV, Instagram. Reconsider your view of your belongings. But don't become a copy of your man, otherwise he will be bored. Remember the phrase: “every woman should have a mystery”? Maybe your boyfriend or husband has already figured you out and is bored? Maybe there is not enough acuity of sensations. Sometimes you need to sacrifice your comfort for the sake of your loved one. Believe me, in the end, a man simply will have no reason to cheat.

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As a psychologist, I often hear women’s questions: tell me, do all men cheat on their women? No, not all of them. Only those who stop truly appreciating, respecting and loving their woman. Moreover, it’s not about the woman, but about us, men. Boredom, revenge, midlife crisis, routine, status, adventure and risk, the desire to assert oneself, polygamy and much, much more... Type in the Google search bar “why a man cheats” - and you will receive a huge number of links that will not only tell you why a man is cheating on you, but they will also give you exact instructions on what to do if this happens. At the same time, advice can be the complete opposite of each other.

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Each case is individual, I will share the conclusions that I myself came to using examples of cases from my practice:

Story No. 1. Kirill, 44 years old

“How can she sit at home and do nothing for 20 years?” I have been in serious business since I was 18, and my level, like the level of the people around me, is constantly growing. I am surrounded by successful, strong, beautiful women who are achieving success in life. And I'm really attracted to them. If you put them next to my wife, who is only interested in children and TV series, then you will understand me..."

Infidelity often appears in a family where the man reaches a high level of income and status, and the wife remains at the entry level. The points of contact and common interests between them are becoming fewer and fewer every year, and as a result there may not be any left at all. The option “to become a wonderful housewife and a faithful rear” deceptively seems ideal, and the woman often turns out to be betrayed and disappointed.

Story No. 2. Veronica, 29 years old

An incident from couples therapy, a wife turns to her husband: “Do you remember, already in the sixth month of my pregnancy, you were staring at a woman in the park? I know that all men have only sex in their heads, just give them freedom, and they will go all out. And only prostitutes work in your bank.”

A huge amount of anger, claims and grievances that women throw out on a man in the form of screams, claims, hysterics are only a consequence of childhood or teenage trauma.

For example, the girl’s father, working in a bank and becoming a big boss, at some point began to openly and constantly cheat on his wife, humiliating and devaluing the family. It ended with him leaving them alone. This severe pain and fear that everything could happen in exactly the same way in her family, in relation to her and her child, provokes emotional breakdowns in the now adult girl.

And here the phenomenon of social psychology begins to work, which is called the “Rosenthal Effect” or “Pygmalion Effect”. The phenomenon is that if, due to your own, often negative, life circumstances and experiences, you expect some action from another person (for example, betrayal), you yourself begin to act in accordance with this belief. And you provoke another person to do it.

Another simple example: a guy cheated on a girl. After some time, she got over it and started a relationship. And if she again, for the second time, has a painful breakup due to betrayal or betrayal, the girl develops an unpleasant algorithm: “At first everything is fine in the relationship, but then something bad will definitely happen.” If this belief becomes firmly entrenched, no matter how wonderful her subsequent relationship with a new young man may be, sooner or later she will begin to convince herself that everything is not as good as it seems to her, and unconsciously take actions that can lead to an unpleasant outcome . Checking your phone, scenes of jealousy in public places, mentions of your ex and the fact that “all men are like that.”

Story No. 3, Christina, 25 years old

“And when I found out that he had a girlfriend, I realized that I needed to save him. After all, the relationship with her began to have a bad influence on him and our family, he became irritable, and it was clear from him that he was feeling guilty.”

Did you start saving him? And who will save you? Why do you always forget about yourself and put yourself at the end of the line?

Low self-esteem, lack of goals and desires, and a strong need for approval also provoke betrayal. Often this is a consequence of growing up in a single-parent family, where the only parent did not provide enough warmth, closeness, or a sense of need.

A child who does not meet the basic set of needs for love and self-respect when he becomes an adult may experience a strong need for this throughout his life. It's like an internal hole that a person tries to close with everything that comes to hand.

Story No. 4. Victor, 28 years old

“Sometimes I’m even afraid of my wife, but when communicating with other women I feel that I can trust them. With them I can be who I am, sensitive and vulnerable. And with her, no matter what I say, there is a feeling of tension. It seems that it could “fly” to me at any moment.

Story No. 5. Igor, 30 years old

“When I want to have sex with her, I feel like I’m forcing her to do it. I feel like they are doing me a favor. And over time, the thought of my inferiority begins to appear. It’s like I’m some beggar on the street.”

Both of these cases have one thing in common: if a man does not get what he needs in a relationship - and this is not necessarily sex, it is also communication, trust, care - he will look for it elsewhere. And sooner or later he will find what he is missing.

As you can see, the stories are different. But they have one thing in common: when we talk about cheating, we need to look into the past - both our own and our partner’s, remember the upbringing we received, the negative experiences. This will give you an understanding of what kind of psychological attachments you have formed, what your needs and the needs of your man are.

But it is equally important that you yourself, in trying to satisfy all your partner’s needs, do not lose your significance, do not dissolve in him and do not determine your value only through this relationship. This is what often becomes the reason for your man’s loss of interest and subsequent betrayal.

There are articles that describe in 20 or more points what needs to be done to prevent a man from cheating. But if you try to follow these tips, the question arises: are there such women on the planet in principle? And is it really necessary to become such a superwoman just to be respected? Or is it better to remain yourself?

“So many questions,” you say. This is the task of a psychologist - to ask questions, and not to give advice and teach manipulation, as clients sometimes ask.

Ask yourself more questions, and honestly answering them, build relationships so that your man doesn’t even have the thought of cheating.

Among my friends and clients, there are only two categories of men to whom the word “treason” is alien.

The former, with the help of various psychological techniques and manipulations, “educate” their partners in such a way that for them the very fact of a man’s betrayal no longer seems to be such, but becomes a familiar part of their family life. Behind the outer façade of well-being, every year one can increasingly see the woman’s severe pain, which sooner or later will turn into protracted depression. Such men have always been, are and will be, and you just need to avoid them.

But the second category includes men who, together with their woman, have created and continue to create relationships with respect and love for each other. They understand and complement their strengths and weaknesses well. Their relationship is about joint growth and development. You can “create” such men in your life, it is only important to know about the needs of both parties and never forget about your own value. Try answering one last question: “Who is the most valuable person in your life?” If the answers “husband, mother, child” come to mind, this is incorrect. The most valuable person in your life is yourself.

It is believed that it is easier to meet a wrinkled-horned snork than a faithful man. So do all men cheat? It's time to figure it out.

About womanizers

Of course, there is such a category of men - womanizers. They are, as a rule, not too picky in relationships, and sometimes even omnivorous. They are not concerned with issues of morality, are often addicted to sex and carry a lot of complexes. When marrying someone like this, you will have to come to terms with the fact that you won’t be able to change your spouse and will have to endure all his adultery.

Why do men cheat?

We are interested in another category of men, fortunately the most numerous. They are committed to a strong and harmonious relationship with one woman, but they, under certain circumstances, are capable of betrayal. So, do all men cheat on their wives? Statistics say that approximately 75% of men are susceptible to this weakness.

It serves as a signal that something has gone wrong in the relationship, some of his needs are not met, some energy is missing.

For example, the wife does not show sensitivity, does not devote enough time to him, and is not interested in his affairs. Perhaps the family is mired in problems, and a new romance allows a man to take a break from them, get distracted and, perhaps, remember his former self, what he was like before marriage.

It happens that some people lack ease in relationships and flirting. After all, such a love game raises the mood and vitality, but at the same time destroys the family.

So do all men cheat? Of course not, but almost any of them can be driven to betrayal.

What to do if your husband cheated?

If you suspect your husband of cheating, take action to set things right. Espionage and scandals are not on the list of measures. First, you can try to discuss everything and ask him to clarify the situation.

This requires a certain courage; you must be ready to receive a direct answer to a direct question, namely, to listen to a confession of treason. Do loving men cheat? Unfortunately yes. Are all women ready to accept this truth? Not everyone manages to forgive and maintain a relationship after such a revelation.

The main thing in such a situation is not to decide anything based on emotions, not to listen to anyone’s advice. It’s better to take a time out, let off steam and think, because you can break off a relationship at any time, but it can be very difficult, sometimes impossible, to restore it later.

There is no need to shift all responsibility onto the “vile traitor”; both are always to blame for treason, of course, if we are not talking about womanizers.

How to behave if betrayal does happen? There is no clear answer to this question. It is important to decide for yourself whether you want to save the relationship or not.

If you decide to save your family, try to switch gears, not think about the bad, but, on the contrary, remember all the good things you had, starting from the day you met. This could be a honeymoon, family holidays, trips, the birth of children.

During this period, try to communicate only with those who support you and believe in your marriage. Stay away from those who will try to make you feel guilty. If you cannot avoid communication, abstract yourself, focus on some scenario, for example, communicate with his parents as your child’s grandparents and ignore their notations.

Do not communicate with “well-wishers” who consider it their duty to keep you informed of all the nuances of the development of the relationship between your husband and his mistress.

If you decide that you can no longer stay in a relationship, allow yourself to suffer. Set yourself strict time limits, such as giving yourself three days to grieve.

During this period, do whatever you want: cry, be hysterical, break dishes. Let the grief come out of you. After this you may want to sleep. Allow yourself to sleep and relax. Come to your senses and turn the page.

How to prevent cheating

Answer the question: can a man cheat if he receives from his wife everything he needs to be happy? Will he waste energy searching for what he already has in abundance? Unlikely.

The most difficult thing is to understand what your other half is missing. Unfortunately, people rarely talk about their problems and feelings, preferring to blame their partner and reward him with unflattering epithets. If everything were different, the situation could have been resolved without leading to betrayal.

You need to train yourself to talk about your feelings, using “I-statements”: “I’m offended,” “I’m angry,” “I’m upset,” “I’m tired.” Try not to use “you-statements”: “you offended me”, “you deceived me”, “you are to blame”. There is also no need to step on your spouse’s throat and demand in the form of an ultimatum that he urgently admit what does not suit him in your relationship.

Start with yourself and be honest about your feelings. Soon your partner will pick up the baton and also learn to talk about how he feels. The main thing is not just to listen, but to discuss and draw conclusions. Try to understand what your partner doesn’t like and adjust your behavior.

Loyalty in a relationship is not a myth, it is possible, you just need to work on strengthening it together. The secret of harmony is simple - do for your partner what he loves and don’t do what he doesn’t like.

Who is guilty?

Let us now take a closer look at the reasons for cheating and change. Most often, a woman is accused of male infidelity: she lost her shape after childbirth, did not suit him in bed, did not take care of herself. The man, on the contrary, is justified by explaining his moves to the left by his penchant for polygamy. What to do if your husband goes on a spree and how to fix everything?

Let's find out first who is to blame. According to psychologists, responsibility for actions lies with those who commit them. According to recent research, both men and women are polygamous by nature. But shouldn't we, as rational beings, think about the consequences of our actions and control our animal instincts? The ability to control desires does not depend on gender.

Excess weight, loss of attractiveness, lack of sex are not the main reasons for cheating, because young beauties, celebrities, and ordinary girls are cheated on. What's the secret? Is it possible to protect yourself from cheating?

Can! First you need to understand yourself, understand your essence, get to know your subpersonalities, their desires and needs, and then get to know the aspects of your partner, his desires and needs.

For what? To make it easier to understand and accept each other, without trying to fit the generally accepted standards of an ideal husband or wife. After all, betrayal most often happens due to a reluctance to accept something in a partner. Most often, these are those aspects of his personality that are rejected by our culture and morality.

Imagine now that a person will appear in his life who will accept these traits of his. He will not ridicule or judge, but on the contrary, he will appreciate and take it for granted, and will help to open up. What is the likelihood that this is where he will try to satisfy his needs?

So should we allow everything now? Of course not, but people have certain feelings that are of paramount importance and simply need to be expressed. Often wives demand from their men that they be not just good boys, but excellent girls in starched aprons. They just want to make their husbands comfortable, but they need to be wild and angry sometimes.

So, let's talk about the main reasons for cheating and how to get out of the situation.

Birth of a child

Perhaps the most common reason. Not all couples go through this test. The birth of a baby changes the entire way of life of the family, a woman’s entire time is devoted to the child, and if we add here sleepless nights, disruptions in sex life, lack of attention and the basic opportunity to communicate in a calm environment, the child becomes not just an obstacle for her husband, but sometimes even a competitor. All this forces a man to seek happiness on the side.

What to do? Make time for your husband. It's better to not care about cleaning, but find time for sex. He will forgive you for the dust on the chest of drawers, but the lack of intimacy is unlikely, and you will agree that you will like this activity more.

Violation of personal space

Almost every man has a hobby. Some play hockey, some play billiards on Fridays, some have the largest collection of photographs of Maya Plisetskaya, some cannot imagine their life without World of Tanks, and some go to the bathhouse on Saturdays. And while women are willing to sacrifice their hobbies, most men are not. Therefore, if you forbid your husband to do what he loves, it will ruin your relationship and alienate him from you. Your husband will have the feeling that you are strangling him and limiting his freedom.

Of course, if you need his help, just ask your spouse to postpone his favorite activity this time, but do not set ultimatums, do not demand or put pressure on him. Respect his hobbies, or even better, share them, it will benefit your relationship.

Jealousy

A disgusting feeling that has destroyed many families. By jealousy, you destroy the image of a desirable woman that your husband has developed in relation to you. By doubting yourself, you make him think that there are other, more worthy women, and you yourself can push him to cheat. By being jealous out of nowhere, you provoke aggression in a man, and he gradually loses interest in you. Can a loving man change in this situation? The answer is obvious.

What to do? Work on yourself, become an independent person. Then you will simply attract his attention even more.

Financial difficulties

A man is a breadwinner. Bringing home a mammoth, especially if that mammoth is a big one, makes him feel like a really cool guy. Unfortunately, financial stability is a variable value, and if money problems start in the family, this greatly affects a man’s self-esteem.

If, in addition, the wife begins to humiliate his dignity, constantly remind him of his failure and escalate the situation, the relationship may completely break down. Do all men cheat on their wives if they constantly attack their pride? Perhaps not all, many simply break off the relationship.

Tell your man that he is strong and that everything will work out for him. Inspire, and he will move mountains!

Lack of sex

An unsatisfied man will look for a woman on the side, and this is the law. And it doesn’t matter how often you have sex, the main thing here is its quality. Nine percent of infidelity occurs due to dissatisfaction with sex life, statistics say. Do all men cheat if their wives do not satisfy them in bed? Majority!

Study your man, talk to him, discuss sexual problems and share your desires. He wants to be a good lover, so let him do it, let him try for you. Otherwise, he will decide to become a good lover for someone else.

Each of us, one way or another, has encountered betrayal. Even if not in your own relationships, then through the example of close relatives or friends. Adultery is an invariable attribute of romance novels, feature films, interviews about the lives of stars and television shows. We come into contact with this phenomenon so often that we consider it part of life. And, when someone once again says that “all men cheat,” we do not try to dispute this statement, but nod our heads in understanding, somewhere in our heads convincing ourselves that “my man is not like that.”

Is a man really polygamous and cannot exist in a relationship?

What generally pushes representatives of the stronger sex into the arms of another woman?

And is there insurance against treason?

Surveys show that more than a third of men cheat. Let's try to understand their motives.

1. "The body requires"

Lack of sex or absence of it in a relationship. I will write this reason first, although this is one of those aspects that a man can come to terms with for a while. But when other factors are combined or when there is an opportunity, this one will “work” very quickly.

Sex is a natural basic need of the body. Let's compare - if your man wants to eat, he comes home and expects dinner, but instead receives an empty table and refrigerator. The situation repeats itself throughout the month, and first you try to find reasons for the lack of food, and then you simply report “there is no dinner!”

How long a man will stay on a diet is an individual question. It is only important to understand that as soon as someone beckons him with a full table of food, he will go. And not because he is “bad” or “wants to destroy the relationship,” but because the body demands it.

1. "This is fine"

These are “womanizers” who are not capable of deep relationships, and those whose fathers were not faithful, and such a model of behavior is considered “normal” among them.

These are also those men in whose heads there lives a pattern that the presence of a mistress is an indicator of success and status: a director has a secretary-mistress, a millionaire has a young mistress, a successful man, in principle, has many women.

These stereotypes are brought up by society and are sometimes not even realized. These men do not feel guilt or are not tormented by remorse; they consider this model of behavior absolutely natural.

1. "I'll prove"

Sometimes it is the woman herself who provokes men to cheat. claiming that he has a “small penis” / “he is not able to satisfy her” / “he can’t do anything in bed, but her ex was...”.

Women often say this in the heat of a quarrel and forget after a while, but for many men this is a blow below the belt. Then he looks for other women in order to prove to himself that he is a “hero-lover” and can give a woman pleasure.

The same thing happens when a woman humiliates her partner as a person: “You are not capable of anything! Who needs you anyway?!” You have to find someone who “needs and cares” in order to dispel this myth.

1. "We live under the same roof"

Yes, and this happens: feelings have faded, there has been no sex for a long time, Children and habit hold together. For a relationship between a man and a woman, this is certain death: living with a feeling of uselessness, hopelessness and, at the same time, hopelessness. A man is looking for someone who will give him emotions and passion to compensate for what he does not receive at home.

When a crisis in a relationship lasts for several days, life seems gray, and routine makes you depressed, cheating becomes a way to break out of this vicious circle and bring something new into life!

1. "She's not like that"

Many men are afraid to share their erotic fantasies with their woman.. After all, their woman is “not like that!” She will say that it is dirty and immoral, and will classify them as perverts. Therefore, he is looking for someone who will not be offended or judge, but will share his fantasies with him. Such situations are far from uncommon; they occur in couples who “love and respect each other very much.”

I have encountered similar cases in my practice: a man took a mistress in order to have oral sex with her, because he was deeply convinced that such things “will humiliate his wife as a person, and decent women do not do this.”

1. "Middle age crisis"

Yes it one of the stages in a man’s life when he is most prone to cheating. After all, he has reached a certain stage in life: his youth is behind him, and there are many questions in his head: “What’s ahead? What have I achieved in this life? Is the best already in the past?

At this moment, the man is trying to feel “young” again, trying to prove to himself that there is still gunpowder in the flask, that he is interesting to women and is capable of winning many.

1. "Diversity"

This is the main reason for male infidelity. They are looking for variety!

A new body, new emotions, risk - all this stimulates a powerful release of hormones. After all, in a long relationship, passion, as a rule, subsides, we get used to each other, and the closeness of bodies evokes, rather, not lust, but love and tenderness. We know everything about each other, sex turns from a hurricane of passion into a ritual where words, actions, and positions are known in advance.

Cheating makes you feel “alive.” Men are looking not only for a new partner, they are looking for variety in caresses, sensations, and emotions.

It is clear that these are not all the reasons why men cheat, but they are definitely the main ones. Is there insurance against cheating? I think no!

But there are ways to minimize the risks.

— Remove the “everyone changes” attitude – our worst expectations usually come true!

Where there are thoughts, there is energy! Are you sure this belief is worth feeding? The world is a mirror: having a clear belief in something in our heads, we seem to ask our subconscious to confirm it. So you will meet only womanizers along the way.

— Stop suspecting him!

The brain is a tricky thing; very often it helps us see only what we want to see. If you start to think that your partner is cheating, you will very soon find convincing evidence of this.

A couple who had experienced betrayal came for a consultation. When the question arose why this happened, the man answered simply and directly: “I would never cheat on her. And it was not in my thoughts! But she was so annoying with her suspicions and constant attempts to convict her of treason that I decided that rather than endure all this for nothing, I’d rather “suffer for the cause.”

— Respect your man and listen to him– do not allow yourself to speak disparagingly about your partner, either alone or, especially, in the presence of strangers.

Do not evaluate his “bed” exploits and “geometric” parameters - let this be a taboo for you. Even if you don’t like or aren’t happy with something!

Find a way to correct the situation without criticism and mutual reproaches; if the situation cannot be changed, then try to find the positive aspects rather than emphasizing the shortcomings. Listen to your partner: Talking about your desires is great, but sometimes just listening to your loved one will give you much more useful information.

— Love yourself - many women in relationships forget about themselves!

Stop being a free addition to your home and children, remember that you are young and beautiful. Take care of your health and beauty, find time to care for yourself - if you realize your value, a man will feel it.

— Be different - give your man surprises and break out of your usual image.

This also applies to everyday life! If you are used to wearing jeans and a T-shirt, put on a dress and heels; walk around at home with a bun and no makeup - do make-up and hairstyle; You’re used to being a businesswoman – put on shorts and a funny T-shirt and play like a teenage girl. A woman is capable of changing not only externally, but also internally. Try on different looks!

— Add extreme - most cheating attracts men with its spontaneity.

But this will cease to be interesting if he can get an adrenaline rush and new emotions with the woman he loves. When was the last time you had sex outside the bedroom? What about outside the house? Try it! Most women get no less pleasure from quick sex than men.

— Add variety to your sex life– sometimes we don’t even think about the abundance of caresses and manifestations of eroticism that exist in the world.

Since ancient times, chosen women have been taught the “art of love,” but our sex education culture, of course, does not provide this. Try to learn new skills by taking a course or training. Variety is what every man is looking for, but for this it is not necessary to change partners. Now each of us has a chance to become a “chosen” and unique lover.

Very soon I will launch an online course “Secrets of the Marriage Chambers”, these are three trainings aimed at awaken in a woman the state of a lover. After all, it is in this state of fire and passion that we, like a magnet, attract men, and make our beloved languish with desire. The ability to give the highest pleasure to a partner increases the value of a woman, encourages a man to protect, care, give gifts and treasure.

You will master the knowledge, techniques and skills that will allow you to build deep and sensual relationships, add variety to your sex life, and will also be invaluable when you cannot have vaginal sex, for example, during pregnancy and the postpartum period.

The trainings will be held on September 16, 17, 19 from 20.00 to 21.30 in a webinar format; a recording will be available for those who cannot attend.

Details and registration by phone at.

Editorial opinion may not reflect the views of the author.
In case of health problems, do not self-medicate, consult your doctor.

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