When a man starts cheating. Why do men decide to cheat? Why men cheat - psychology

I welcome girls and women from the vast expanses of the Internet to my FitKis Club blog. For those who don’t know, my name is Vitaly Okhrimenko, and today I decided to take greater responsibility for my frankness and open to you a man’s point of view on the question of why men cheat. Although maybe not a question, but a problem. For whom... Let's make ourselves some coffee, sit back and let's go!

When I began to study the existing materials on the topic of male infidelity on the Russian Internet, I was horrified by the fact that most of the topics about the motives for male infidelity were written by women. This is absurd, this is how I should write about the problems of the menstrual cycle. Of course, a woman, especially a female psychologist, can study the materials and know the theoretical side of the issue. But she will never understand with her soul what polygamy is and what engine of male infidelity is key.

In fact, the psychology of male and female infidelity is very different. Today I’m launching a section that we’ll look into together. In the foreseeable future, I will definitely prepare publications about female infidelity and the difference between male and female infidelity. I advise you to subscribe to blog updates so as not to miss out.

I want to warn you right away: many girls won't like what they read today. The true reasons for male infidelity can cause a lot of contradictions with the familiar world that women consider real. Our world is full of lies and falsehoods; behavior patterns developed by society and instilled in us from childhood initially contradict male nature. Sex with one woman all his life is as contradictory for a man as these lines are contradictory for every woman.

Don't be offended, dear ladies, but today rose-colored glasses will be broken by the laws of nature. If your browser is still open, please familiarize yourself with the first and most important motivator of male infidelity, whose name is polygamy.

To get started, please take the survey.

If it's not too much trouble, take a quick anonymous survey for men. And I will collect data and provide current statistics on female and male infidelity, based on user responses. If you are a girl, please go through a similar one.

If the answer is no, then that's it. Well, if it’s positive, then let’s move on.

Why do men cheat?

Yes, nature has long divided us into males and females. And no matter how developed our society is today, no matter how sincerely we want to move away from animal instincts, it is instincts that lie in the depths of most of our actions.

A man, every man without exception, does not need a mistress. We need LOVERS. And the more, the better. We shouldn’t blame the guys here – nature decided everything for us. And when a guy is indignant with his girlfriend, who tells him about the scoundrel Kostya, who dared to cheat on Svetka with an insidious librarian - he is a hypocrite! A psychologically faithful man is, first of all, a myth, a myth generated by women themselves.

Please don't misunderstand me. I’m not saying that there aren’t men who don’t cheat, there are, and not too few. But every faithful person wants to be unfaithful. And you shouldn’t scold your boyfriend for sneaking glances at the beauty he likes; instincts take precedence even over morality.

The problem is that every man contains millions of sperm, constantly ready for action. A woman has one egg, and physiologically the woman is ready to receive birth data from one partner. Guys need, purely on a biological level, to impregnate as many women as possible. This is the instinct of survival, the instinct of procreation. The more females a male fertilizes, the greater the chance of his species to survive. Nature demands, nothing can be done. And every sex, even with three condoms, is perceived on an instinctive level as fertilization. And every time nature rewards the guy for fertilization, for transmission with a kind of colorful orgasm. Which, by the way, women experience much less often. In addition, active males have a better functioning immune system, higher energy potential, and better health and mood.

There are many areas of life where a man can realize himself. Whether it’s a career, sports activity, social causes... you never know. But no success will be complete without success with women. Yes, yes, and the share of every man’s success lies in the unconscious desire to be successful with lovely ladies. And no matter how successful a male is among other males, he will not be able to feel fulfilled without other females appraising his success.

But the moral tricks of society, along with the strong character and correct behavior of a woman, can keep a man from the basic male mission: fertilizing all the females that come his way.

Now I am not trying to absolve us of responsibility for treason. We dig deeper and find out what pushes men to such meanness.

Why men cheat on women: 20 main reasons

Please immediately pay attention to the fact that the question of why men cheat now will be given a male perspective. Some of the reasons described in this article are quite similar to each other. Some, on the contrary, are completely different from each other. I tried to describe all possible reasons from a MALE POINT OF VIEW.

The wedding flew like plywood over Moscow...

Instead of a sweet, pleasantly purring girl, an always grumbling, never made-up woman wanders around our kitchen, who is no joy either in the kitchen or in bed. It used to be like this: put on makeup, dress provocatively, make eyes. And now what: curlers on my head and the smell of cakes from my clothes. In addition, she is constantly missing something, doesn’t like something. It either saws or eats away the baldness. As it turns out, she doesn’t know how to cook, but she demands be healthy!

When a woman ceases to be an object of adoration, then there will certainly be another to fill this role.

The object of conquest has disappeared

And it also happens that a girl still remains beautiful and smart, but she has already been conquered. We men are first and foremost conquerors. We need to conquer, conquer, hunt. And when the prey is already sitting obediently in the enclosure, there is no need to achieve it, then we become not interested.

Judge for yourself what we should do without wine

I guess I’m wrong, alcohol intoxication should have been the #1 reason! According to statistics, 80% of all betrayals occur “under the influence.” A reunion, a corporate event at work, a christening, a wedding, a birthday...you never know where a drunk man may end up without his woman. And it’s not only girls who are weak when they’re drunk...

By thumb

He is used to charming and seducing girls, for him this is a familiar way of life. And if only one woman appears in the life of such a man, then he will still act by inertia - seducing and charming. I would call this type of men chronic bachelors, who, even if they are defective married family men with three children, will remain bachelors at heart and live according to their usual way of life, according to the established pattern.

Dissatisfaction with a woman

In fact, this is a more complete disclosure of the first reason (see above). It is easier for a man to resist temptations when a woman satisfies him in everything. It's not just about sex. A sweet, affectionate wife who will cook delicious food, who will listen and support, who will cheer you up, relax you and take you to the bedroom from all your worries and worries - such a woman will hardly be ignored. But, due to emotionality, due to everyday difficulties, due to various crises and difficulties, it is sometimes very difficult for a wife to adjust herself to the right position.

Often a man is simply ready to run away from a nagging wife with a systematic migraine to a cute sexy babe, and even if she is interested in him only for money or only for bed, even if she is three times dumber and twice as uglier than his beloved wife, it doesn’t matter to a man. A man perceives a mistress as a kind of victory; how he achieved this victory does not matter. The winners are not judged, as you know.

They assert themselves in their own and other people’s eyes.

There is a type of man who by nature is a kind of Alpha male, a chronic Casanova. As I wrote above, all men will be unhappy without success with a woman (we don’t take non-traditional women into account). Only one person has enough success with 1-2 girls, while for another, give him a new victim every week. For them, a quantitative indicator is much more important than a qualitative one; without this, this type of man does not feel like a man. For this type of girl, girls can be compared to firewood in a fire: if you don’t periodically add fuel to the fire, it will go out.

Psychologists claim that psychological problems lie behind this reason... today I will neither agree nor dispute with this. Someday I’ll make a psychological interpretation of the reasons for male infidelity, but today we take it for granted.

Spoiled with opportunity

Most of the male population does not cheat simply because they do not have the opportunity. Here, first of all, economic and time factors play a role. Do you know why successful and rich men more often have mistresses? Because they have such an opportunity: it’s easier for them to find time for this (working late, urgent business trip), and they don’t have to choose between buying their son a bicycle or taking their mistress to the southern coast of Crimea. They can afford both.

Adrenaline and courage

Every betrayal is, first of all, a vivid sensation. Being caught is terrible, but balancing on the edge, feeling the risk, the adrenaline is a completely different matter. You can’t even imagine how much this feeling is lacking in everyday life for some accountant or caretaker. Life is too calm and measured, stable and the same. Lovely adventures bring action to life and make you feel like James Bond, with codes, appearances and passwords. Thanks to cheating, life stops being boring.

Romance in the eggs began to play

The flower-bouquet period of a relationship is the most pleasant, most interesting and intriguing time in a relationship. Everything is so romantic, you can hear music in the background that is not really there, all the colors become brighter, you feel a butterfly in your stomach and all that. Unfortunately, this goes away over time for absolutely all couples. In search of these same sensations, men can find their way to the left.

The danger of this reason is that a man driven by a sense of romance is capable of any nonsense. Throw yourself into what is called a pool headlong and even leave the family.

Breath of fresh air

This is one of the most harmless reasons for male infidelity. Gray ordinary life, sharing a bed with one woman, the same problems and worries periodically become very boring. And the love affair becomes something like a breath of fresh air in a stuffy city poisoned by carbon monoxide and car exhaust. This reason is harmless because, after taking a breath of air, the man returns to the familiar haunted city, but he already feels much better there - there is no more oxygen starvation.

I am vengeful and my revenge is cruel

Unfortunately, we are little people, vile and insidious creatures. Often a husband has something to take revenge on his wife for: for a shirt ruined by an iron, for a life spoiled by a bad character... Well, or in response to betrayal. This is such a vile way of the triumph of justice.

The will of chance

A damaging relationship is simply an accident. Well, the stars aligned, the devil got me confused. Sometimes a man is not inclined to cheat at all, but his polygamous nature pushed him to this act that tarnishes his reputation. Which, by the way, he can sincerely repent of!

Borscht is borscht, but I also want soup

It happens like this: the wife is beautiful, smart, cooks well, allows herself to be constantly conquered - in general, she’s all so melting, but he, the viper, still went to the left. The woman asks a righteous question: “What have you been missing, you ungrateful bastard?” But he throws up his hands and doesn’t know how to explain that next to the imperfect one you want the ideal, but next to the ideal, on the contrary, you want the imperfect. I just want something new and that’s it.

Debauchery, debauchery, once in the mouth, once in...

Not all couples know how to satisfy each other in bed. As a rule, men love looseness, but due to various cockroaches in their heads, they may not accept this looseness from their beloved wife. Love, devotion, all the best remains at home. And another woman, who is ready to realize various erotic fantasies of a particular man, gets his dark side of the moon. Here, of course, it is fair to blame the man.

But it also happens that the wife or girlfriend herself is too constrained and is not ready to become a depraved baby. In this case, the jury is ready to acquit the prodigal husband.

Influence of friends

I don’t know exactly where this stereotype came from, but it’s the custom in our society that a woman walking around is a bitch (sorry, I can’t afford foul language), but a guy walking around is cool! The influence of society and the influence of friends can play a role on the path to the left.

I want attention

Due to various life and family crises, former lovers, and now just spouses, pay too little attention to each other. They are not interested in each other’s problems, they neglect the interests of others. Lack of attention is often the cause of female infidelity, but it can also have a very direct impact on male infidelity.

Ex-love

This cause of male infidelity has a high degree of risk for family ties. Rarely does the first girl become a wife; more often, a man had other girls before her. With some he managed to realize his masculinity and the page has long been turned, and with some there were some unrealized possibilities left.

One day, when your relationship with him is going through another crisis or even consists of these crises, he may remember his old love. Moreover, as a rule, I remember that girl with whom there were some ambiguities and the page never turned, remaining somewhere in a hidden folder with bookmarks.

This is the way to relax

What can I say, life can be too cruel and does not give us time to rest. This reason is typical for those men who work too much and have time to lie on the couch in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. The body cannot live in tension forever; it needs to relax sometimes. This damaging connection can become the very source of inspiration for relaxation. This reason does not pose a danger to marriage because, having relaxed on the side, the man returns to the family, again full of strength and energy.

Filling the voids

As a rule, we men believe that we fill the gaps of attention, love and affection. But in fact, this is a replenishment of one’s own unfulfillment and unsuccessful life. Success for a woman is the same success, and if you haven’t achieved any other success, you need to somehow please your own ego.

You are my boredom, my boredom...

Well, here it’s even more banal - the boredom and monotony of family life. Men are hunters, men are adventurers, men love adventure. Hunting and family, adventure and career, adventure and wife - you have to admit, these words don’t go well together.

After all, how interesting it was to climb to her third floor at night on tied sheets. Or how exciting it was to kiss on the roof of a high-rise building among the lights of the city at night. Another adventure was making love on the school playground equipment. Alas, with a stable, measured life comes the boringness of life.

Conclusion

I just ask: don’t think that we are all such idiots and unfaithful and change everything. As I said above, not everything, but we want to change everything. And don’t think that we don’t tend to feel guilty for our crimes. We feel guilt, just as we feel it (not always, though, but it happens). Sometimes we are overcome by a wave of self-flagellation, a feeling of betrayal. But what happens after this? And after that, as a rule, we begin to appreciate our beloved wife more (oh how!).

Girls and women, know: male infidelity is bad, but not very scary. Even systematic male infidelities with different girls may not be harmful to the marriage, unless, of course, the wife finds out about them.

The worst thing about most betrayals is the feeling of being betrayed. The trick here is that the man who cheated may not consider his action as a betrayal. He also loves his wife very much and values ​​her very much. I just went on a spree once - a second time and that’s it, I gave nature its due without the intention of betraying it.

What you really should be afraid of is when a man takes a mistress. This can already be safely considered a betrayal, and this is precisely the risk that he can give up everything and leave.

When I decided to write on this topic, I thought that I would write one article and then we would examine the issue of male infidelity. No matter how it was, as soon as I dug deeper, I realized that without a hundred grams it would be impossible to figure it out at all. So, dear girls, subscribe to blog updates and stay tuned for new publications. This is just an introductory article to the issue of human infidelity. After some short time, I plan to examine the issue as much as possible and release a whole series of publications. I assure you it will be interesting!

We will analyze the motives of both male and female infidelity. We will understand why people need lovers, how to prevent the tragedy of betrayal in the family, and what to do if this disgrace has already visited your life. And most importantly (!) we will try to understand whether it is worth forgiving betrayal. The topic is interesting, the topic is relevant in the modern world, sometimes even topical.

Well, once again I apologize if I wrote anything wrong. I tried to give a man’s opinion regarding the question of why men cheat, which may fundamentally not coincide with the world that you see from your female side. Please express your dissatisfaction and opinions regarding the article in the comments.

Thank you for your attention! Until new, exciting meetings.

With wishes of fidelity and love, Vitaly Okhrimenko!

I was prompted to take up the article by the story of a friend who lives on the floor below. She came running one day in tears: “Don’t you know a psychologist? I don’t know what to do, my husband found someone else!”

The story of one husband's betrayal

We didn’t communicate often, but thanks to panel housing construction, I got the impression that we exist in parallel. Her family life consisted of two parts: when my husband is on a business trip, and he worked on a rotational basis; and when you're at home all day long, resting from righteous labors. It was then, in the late evenings, that I heard their conversations among themselves, because during the day Tatyana, my neighbor, worked.

I really didn’t like these evenings. The dialogue began immediately in a raised voice, and then the scream was such that it was time to call the local police officer. The husband’s low bass was hard to hear; he occasionally only managed to get in a word, but Tatyana's squeal could be heard verbatim if desired.

She complained about fate, which sent her such a non-oligarch that it was simply creepy. And he lies sideways on the sofa, and you won’t get any care from him, and he’s not interested in anything except TV.

I rarely saw them together, although Oleg, Tatyana’s husband, often caught my eye with his daughter. Tall, a little shy of his height, with radiant light eyes and large, hard-working hands. It was clear that no one in the north simply paid him money.

Can you guess how this whole story ended?

Oleg almost left the family; for some time he actually lived in two houses. Returned. Because he really loved his daughter, and Tatyana understood a lot, learned to appreciate those around her. The screams stopped and my life became calmer.

Cheating on a man is not betrayal, it’s normal!

I am deeply convinced that you can only betray your homeland, friends, and parents. Treason is not the same as betrayal. For a family is not a monastery. We create it so that life together becomes better than what it was before marriage.

We create it in order to arrange a common life, give birth and raise children, give each other warmth and mutual understanding, and provide support in the outside world. Family - rear, and if, as in the case of Oleg and Tatyana, it turns into a battle arena, is it possible to condemn a man for treason? I'm sure not. Rather, she is a blessing that allowed the family to overcome the crisis.

The same can be seen in other reasons for male infidelity:

• According to statistics, 88% of men cheat with women, more attractive in appearance(once his future wife seemed the most attractive to him, but after a while she stopped taking care of her hair, figure, and manicure);
• 25% of them enter into long-term relationships lasting more than six months ( if love is no longer kept in the house, she will still come into a man’s life, but in a different place);
• 35% of men cheat due to sexual dissatisfaction(the stronger sex in active reproductive age thinks about sex almost every 5 minutes, and at home love is either on coupons or exclusively in a standard position);
• 12% husbands can't cope with long periods of separation(a woman sending her husband to work must be prepared for this situation);
• 10% of men cheat due to overcoming self-doubt(question: who puts this uncertainty in their heads, isn’t it the wife?).

For me, betrayal is not betrayal, but the responsibility of both parties. There is, however, a small percentage of men who are prone to cheating at the genetic level. They wave the slogan of polygamy like a flag. But no one prevents a woman from either avoiding such individuals or accepting their rules of the game.

A healthy man is always polygamous by nature

Candidate of Medical Sciences, writer Natalya Tolstaya, author of the bestseller “Male Infidelity,” believes that 98% of men at least once. Her main statement: as long as a person is healthy, he is polygamous.

The only thing that can keep a man from cheating is love. Only she forces you to voluntarily remain faithful, because it does not allow you to let another person into your world.

This is chemistry, the first stage of sleep. In the most difficult moments of life, we are “saved” by thoughts about the subject of our feelings. Saving love - talent and enormous work of two. But we don’t want to work, but for some reason we demand loyalty. Love will be replaced by addiction, and only obligations will hold a man back.

Psychologist N.I. Kozlov believes: every family needs its own code, which must stipulate all sections of the agreement, including a common understanding of the concepts of “loyalty” and “treason.” 60% of men, for example, consider a kiss to be completely harmless, while 34% of women think otherwise. Some believe that betrayal is physical intimacy on the side, others - spiritual. If a couple decides that cheating is acceptable under certain conditions, why not? Marriage is a voluntary union of adults, their choice.

I’m not calling for promiscuity: 78% of men condemn cheating. And if they do commit them anyway, then the family is seriously ill. With a correct diagnosis, recovery will begin, which means that male infidelity really helps to save a marriage.

Illness and promiscuity are two different things. Stop making excuses for men! I feel the author likes to be a loser who “accepted” her husband - what women who are not ready to be left alone will not do. You need to take care of yourself! At any age, and then you can easily find a replacement for your wandering hubby who has stopped appreciating you!

But I don’t think so. I am very jealous and single-minded by nature, I’m unlikely to be able to forgive betrayal if something happens. And in general, I think that you can betray not only your homeland, parents and friends. You can betray your child, sister, colleague, boss, partner, distant relative, and so on and so forth. But how disgusting it is to just not care about the feelings of a loving person.

Why deceive yourself? This is how men have fun, not how to save their family. The foundation of a family is marriage; you cannot strengthen the foundation by removing bricks from it. This is laziness and bliss! Like a bad wife... But you can solve all the pressing problems with her, help her, take part of everyday life into your own hands, so that she feels freer, go on vacation together, etc., that is, something that brings you closer and will blossom like that that the mistress will seem like a gray mouse.

…”The husband’s low bass was hard to hear, he occasionally only managed to get a word in, but Tatyana’s squeal could be heard verbatim if desired. Oleg, Tatiana’s husband, often caught sight of his daughter. Tall, a little shy of his height, with radiant light eyes and large, hard-working hands. »

There is no point in discussing the article. The situation is simple - the author, who was looking at her neighbor, but was turned away, tries to explain to everyone that if Oleg had dragged her into bed, Tatyana would have been silent and not indignant. Under the guise of a psychological article, the simple envy of a loner family through the wall. Where the wife is, there is certainly a lot of vices, and the husband could have been happy, but unfortunately, he did not choose the author. It should be a shame to dump your dreams like that without a twinge on the readers. A desperate disgraceful woman wrote.

Yes, we men like connections with new women. At the same time, we separate the concepts of wife and affairs on the side. There is nothing wrong with this, the man is tired of everyday life and needs a release, an adventure. He took a walk, came back. And he’s a good family man and doesn’t have any nervousness.

Cheating is not normal! If only because of the danger of bringing an infection to his wife, or even a fatal one. A cheating husband damages his wife’s health and risks giving her AIDS or hepatitis. I believe that according to the code this should be equated to causing harm to health through negligence.

I myself change in all directions at every convenient opportunity. And to the permanent common-law “husband” and to lovers. And they cheat on me, because I don’t hide my adventures. And I don’t believe that someone can live on black bread all their life. This is physiology plus a craving for the unknown, for diversity. Without forward movement and progress there is no personal development. Of course, going to the left immediately negates the warmth, tenderness, humanity - everything that was bright that was at first in the relationship. The material, unfortunately, is stronger in this distorted universe.

But I love my wife, there are no scandals. But I wouldn’t mind having sex with other girls, not because I lack something, and not because I want to somehow assert myself in the sexual field. I just like experiments, I like new sensations. It is true that men are polygamous. If it were possible to convince my wife of this, but it’s unlikely that she will ever understand... and I don’t want to abuse her trust, so I’m not going to cheat.

Today on the agenda is a very important question: “Why do men cheat on their wives but don’t leave?” This causes serious scandals and breakdowns in relationships. It is very difficult to survive, understand and forgive; starting a relationship from scratch without looking back at what happened is even more difficult. Today we will talk about the reasons for adultery. This will help you recognize the warning signs of trouble and take action in time. In fact, betrayal is not the end of a relationship; you just need to find the strength for a frank conversation and the desire to go through this difficult period together.

Family relationships

When young people get married, it seems to them that happiness will last forever. But a year passes, then another, minor quarrels accumulate, and the first disappointments appear. The partner no longer looks so ideal. What is important for a man is the feeling of a quiet, safe harbor, a reliable berth. This is an explanation of why men cheat on their wives, but it is not stability, special status, reliability, warmth and comfort of home. And a mistress is an adventure that ends well. Going to her means ruining your life and starting to build again, from scratch. At the same time, the man understands that, having become a wife, his mistress will lose the special charm that is so attractive today.

Cheating is a complex phenomenon that can have many causes. Often a man does not stop loving his wife, he still wants a relationship with her. He diligently hides an affair on the side, is ashamed of it, but cannot resist the temptation. Let's look at the main reasons why men cheat on their wives but don't leave.

Experts' opinion

Experts cite physiology as one of the very first reasons. Men are polygamous by nature, they crave sexual variety and a large number of partners. Society taboos such desires, promoting marital fidelity, but instincts. This explains why men cheat on their wives, but do not leave. They are biologically programmed to need to leave as many offspring as possible, and for this they need to have many partners. But this is not the only reason. According to Western sociologists, 99% of betrayals are committed simply because of banal boredom and the monotony of life. There are a number of other reasons that push a man to do this, we will talk about them later.

Major changes

A painfully familiar situation. Before marriage, a woman came to dates with perfect hair and manicure, monitored her diet and weight, and now walks around the house in a stretched T-shirt. This is especially true for those couples where the woman does not work. Housewives are more often prone to depression due to monotony and household routine, and for a man there is nothing worse than coming home to a woman sitting gloomy like a cloud in a shabby robe. Of course, family relationships play a big role. Human psychology is such that the more attention one person pays to another, the more warmth and affection he receives in return. Therefore, if a man, instead of looking for entertainment on the side, pays compliments more often, invites his wife on dates and gives gifts, the greater the chance of seeing the shine of loving eyes again, a romantic dinner and a new dress on his beloved.

Nobody understands me

Indeed, very often men who cheat on their wives say that they do not understand them. But in fact it sounds strange, as if a woman would be able to completely unravel his mysterious nature from the first meeting. The point is that you need to patiently build relationships in the family. Human psychology is such that only primary love is given to us in advance, due to a hormonal surge. Then you will have to make efforts for true love to come. To do this, you need to learn to communicate, listen and hear, solve problems within the family, talk through everything that does not suit you. Then you won’t have to look for consolation on the side.

Excitement, risk, feeling of novelty

The psychology of a cheating man is such that he feels like a hunter at this moment. Ancient instincts awaken, a pleasant feeling of danger and violation of prohibitions. All this tickles the nerves, excites the imagination, and gives amazing sensations. This is akin to drug intoxication: when the fuse wears off, you want to get it back. However, the sensations become dull and you need to look for something new, brighter, and so on ad infinitum. A happy family is one in which spouses are able to find new sensations within their own relationships.

You need to work on relationships

Psychologists believe that every woman can support the spark of passion in the family. Besides, this is her direct task. This is necessary not only for men; monotony and everyday life are destructive for both partners. New underwear and clothes should appear in a woman’s wardrobe regularly; a bad man is one who, without providing for his family, demands that his wife be well-groomed. And you can come up with a lot of ways to revive your former passion. Invite your spouse to a rented apartment, leaving the children in the care of their grandmother. Believe me, a happy family is worth the effort. A romantic dinner and erotic massage, signs of attention - these are all tools that can be used to “prevent” infidelity. But psychologists say that there is the most important and reliable remedy: before entering the house after work, stop for a minute. You need to take a deep breath and exhale at least 5 times, while mentally saying goodbye to work, current problems and worries. Imagine the image of your beloved man, and the way you saw him in your happiest moments. Do you want there to be more such moments? Try to feel again the feelings that you experienced then, smile and enter the house.

Cheating without explanation

The psychology of a cheating man is quite complex. Sometimes he himself cannot explain why he is so drawn to the left. There seem to be no obvious prerequisites, everything is fine at home, but still he stubbornly spends time and money looking for a new relationship. Perhaps he got married too early, and it seems to him that he has not yet had time to walk up. Or the call of ancient instincts forces him again and again to take the path of a hunter and gatherer. In any case, women can recognize such a “macho” even at the beginning of a relationship. Just watch how he behaves on the street and indoors, where there are many beautiful women. If even now, when there is ardent passion between you, he still tries to hit on other young ladies, it will only get worse.

Just sex

As already mentioned, men are polygamous by nature. It is not so important what kind of figure a woman has - if she appears naked in front of a man every day, then she ceases to worry him. This object has been conquered, it's time to move on. Not all researchers agree with this statement, but nevertheless many adhere to this point of view. If a man is monogamous, it is only because he realizes that friendship and love are more important things than a casual relationship on the side.

What is the purpose of cheating

Why do men cheat? For them, sex and love are two big differences. A man can love his wife and have sexual relations with other females. More often these are not permanent, but one-time meetings. This separation of love and sex allows a man to easily change and not experience it. Although the latter is questionable. Guilt appears later and is not caused by the fact of sex itself, but by the possible consequences. What will happen if the wife finds out? Will a random passion pursue him? There is also a risk of contracting one of the sexually transmitted diseases. There is a chance that, having carefully weighed everything that he received from his adventure, the man will forever become a monogamous family man. So that it’s not too late, even before going on a date, imagine the worst-case scenario. For example, your casual friend will tell his wife what happened. The fact of betrayal, presented in this way, is very difficult to survive. Is it worth it?

Rights and obligations of the parties

It is very interesting to know what percentage of men cheat. Various sources report figures from 70 to 90% of the entire male population of the Earth. Impressive, isn't it? It has to do with men having sex. It is much higher than that of women. In addition, the load on the fair floor is very high. A woman works at work, performs a large number of household duties, and takes care of children. As a result, he gets very tired in the evening. You don’t have the strength for intimacy, but your husband, bored at the computer, looks to the left? It is obvious that the problem has become so urgent that it is time to solve it. Sit down at the negotiating table. A man complains about lack of sex? Okay, write down on paper all your responsibilities related to home, family, children, and invite him to take exactly half. Ask if he agrees with the prospect of fully providing for the family so that you are at home and have time to complete your homework before he arrives? Divide all the hardships of the family burden in half, and it will be easier for both.

How to understand that a man is cheating

It's actually not difficult at all. Just watch your significant other every day. If a man begins to regularly stay late at work, vaguely explaining the reasons, he often has things to do on weekends, and even on holidays urgent assignments appear, then it’s worth taking a closer look. Does he carry his phone everywhere, does he go into another room if he gets a call, does he get nervous if you answer the phone? All these are indirect signs that he has something to hide. Analyze your budget, are there any more unplanned expenses in it?

What to do if a man cheats

There is no point in starting scandals and quarrels, even if you are 100% sure that you are right in your suspicions. Another mistake would be to try to find his mistress and see who he exchanged you for, or to take revenge. Often he also decides to change in revenge - it is also better to postpone this step. For now, you only need one thing - to speak out and work through your emotions. A friend or professional psychologist is suitable for this. Only after experiencing the first shock can you think about what decision to make. Divorce is not always the best solution; in some cases, you can survive the betrayal and continue the relationship. The help of a family psychologist will not be superfluous.

Let's sum it up

We looked at the main reasons for betrayal. Now you know how many men cheat on their wives. Statistics are merciless; they list almost the entire male population as ladies' men. In fact, this is not so; most of them, just like women, value their relationships and are not ready to risk them for the sake of a momentary infatuation. In any case, forewarned is forearmed. If you have an idea about the causes and signs of adultery, then you will do everything possible to avoid it.

Elena Kuznetsova, a family psychologist, interpersonal relationship consultant, and director of the dating agency “Me and You,” talks about male infidelity and its causes.

Who cheats

There will definitely be womanizers hanging out from their wives. They are easy to spot even before the wedding. These are men who actively show interest in the opposite sex: some can be seen by the way they treat women - they try to please everyone, some talk a lot, and the “right” things for ladies, some pinch the opposite sex’s soft parts, etc. d. is impossible, and if you marry him and think that he will not walk away from you, then you are very mistaken. True, as the psychologist notes, ladies' men rarely leave their wives for their mistress, since they choose women who are convenient for them as spouses.

Womanizers marry women who either do not notice their adventures or do not pay attention to them. Males prefer the following types of women: the victim, the gray mouse, the suspicious or overly trusting woman. Thus, they provide themselves with a comfortable life: food, clean clothes, home comfort, etc., and have the opportunity to walk “to the left.”

“Womenizers most often do not leave their wives unless they find a rare bitch as their mistress, who begins to manipulate such a man, for which he is absolutely not ready. In the end, he doesn’t get along with his mistress either, because they don’t have the same personalities. Then the womanizer tries to return to the family, promising his wife that he will improve. But this will not happen,” summarizes Elena Kuznetsova.

The second type is men who are tired of everyday life and are looking for variety on the side. As a rule, they do not plan long-term relationships, but it so happens that they often have a long-term relationship with their mistress if the woman satisfies them in sex, on the one hand, but on the other hand, does not pretend to anything.

Both strong men and weak-willed men have extramarital affairs. However, if the former clearly control the situation and from the very beginning “build” a mistress, telling her that they will never get divorced, and can only meet, for example, at lunchtime, then the latter often fall under the influence of a strong woman, and this is fraught with family collapse.

A lover with a strong character manipulates him, forcing him to divorce his wife. She tells the man what to do and how to behave in the family. If he does not heed the advice, then he can call his wife and report that “her husband has fallen in love with someone else.”

Intelligence reduces the risk of cheating

According to Elena Kuznetsova, the relationship between spouses is of enormous importance. Cheating occurs when “everyday life” begins and when romance leaves the relationship, and this does not depend on how long the spouses have lived together, the psychologist is convinced. It happens that a husband begins to go out even a month after the wedding, because during this time the wife has so much time to pester him that the man does not have the strength to endure any longer.

In matters of fidelity, both intellect and social environment play a role.

“If both partners are intelligent, they are less bored with each other, both in bed and in communication, so the risk of cheating is reduced,” says a relationship consultant.

Plus, if people were raised in a complete family, where parents treated each other with respect, then such couples are more loyal. They are more focused on compromise than a man or woman who grew up in a single-parent family.

Reasons for cheating

There are many reasons, and most often they are individual: some are fed up with everyday life, some have a “devil in the ribs”, some lack adrenaline. Often all these factors overlap each other.

“There is always a reason for cheating; it rarely happens that a man cheated simply out of boredom. When you start “digging” into the situation, what “comes out,” for example, is the woman’s mismanagement, or her lack of attention to her husband, or her unkemptness,” explains Kuznetsova.

The psychologist cites a case from practice when one client, talking about his wife, described her as an ideal housewife and mother, but at the same time could not come to terms with the fact that during their family life, and this caused a crack in their relationship. At the same time, the man could not tell his wife about the true reason for their discord, because he did not want to offend her.

Who is chosen as a lover?

Most often, men choose women who are the opposite of their wife. If the spouse is a gray mouse, then the choice falls on a bright woman; if she is uneconomical, then they choose as a mistress a lady who, for example, cooks well... Professional womanizers don’t particularly bother with candidates; any woman will do for them to go “left”, as long as she is do not mind.

The secret becomes clear

It is impossible to give universal advice to women who have learned about their husband’s infidelity: should they remain silent about it and try to change themselves, or should they make a scandal for the husband and tear out the homewrecker’s hair? Much depends on the situation and the woman’s temperament.

If the wife nevertheless decides to tell her husband that she knows about his adventures, she confronts him with a choice, and then it’s up to the man to decide with whom he will stay. A normal husband who wants to save his family will most likely try to convince his wife that he is faithful to her and stay with her.

It often happens that a man is left alone after such a scandal. He leaves his wife, but does not get along with his mistress, because before they had, and now they also have a new life together, to which the man is forced to get used to. He doesn’t always succeed, and he tries to return to his wife.

Elena Kuznetsova advises spouses to accept the guilty husband back, but at the same time analyze their behavior in order to try to become what he wants her to be. Well, in the future, you should better control your husband’s behavior.

If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected].

Seneca

Why do men cheat? I know that this question interests many women. He is mainly interested in those women who need a serious and long-term relationship with their beloved man, those who adhere to family values ​​and consider betrayal an unforgivable act. And this is understandable, because for a normal relationship, the devotion and trust of partners to each other are of great importance. And betrayal is always pain, suffering and humiliation, and sometimes it is very difficult to survive. Therefore, women are not just concerned about the issue of male infidelity - they want to know how it can be solved. In this article I will explain why men cheat on their wives and what a woman can do to prevent cheating. Understanding the reasons for male infidelity and the ability to competently influence them will help many of you, dear women, build a reliable relationship with your beloved man or improve existing ones.

First of all, I want to draw your attention, dear readers, to the fact that not all men cheat on their women, despite their polygamous nature. And not only because they cannot do this, as some representatives of the fairer sex believe, who see all men as potential traitors, but also because of their convictions. Unfortunately, there are not very many such men, but they exist, and you should know about it. After all, male infidelity can have a lot of reasons with the help of which it is possible, in some cases, to justify, and in others to explain this act. But if a man himself does not consider cheating an acceptable act for himself, he will not cheat on the woman he loves and respects. But what kind of man is next to a woman depends on her.

True, in life there are much more often men who can cheat on their woman if they have a reason or reason for cheating. Below I will talk about the main reasons why men cheat, and you, dear women, be sure to think about how exactly your behavior can contribute to male infidelity. First of all, you really need to exclude your own mistakes, because of which a man could cheat on you, and only then look for opportunities to influence him, if at all possible. Keep in mind that there are some men whom you will never change - they have cheated, are cheating and will cheat on all the women with whom they begin to live. And if your man is just like that, then you can only come to terms with his infidelities, or leave him. And there are men who cheat on their woman largely through her own fault. In this case, a woman should pay attention to herself and her actions, her behavior with a man, her attitude towards him. And then, correct all those shortcomings that push her man to cheat. If, of course, the man is dear to her, and she wants him to be faithful to her. So, carefully study the reasons for male infidelity described below and then compare them with what was or is in your life.

Reasons for male infidelity

1. Tendency to cheat. A man's tendency to cheat depends on his upbringing. As I said above, there are men who cannot help but cheat, since cheating is part of their life for them. They change not only because they can change, but also because they want to do so. Communicating with such men, I realized that they cannot even imagine life without relationships with different women. Therefore, trying to instill in them other values ​​is, if not absolutely pointless, then at least very difficult. You can, of course, talk about male nature, about male polygamy, which pushes him to betrayal, and we will talk about this below, but still upbringing in this case plays a very important role. By nature, we are inclined to different actions, but this does not mean that we need to do them all and then justify these actions with our natural essence. Therefore, it is appropriate to say that there are men who love to constantly have love affairs with women, and such men appeared not thanks to nature, but thanks to upbringing. For them, love victories are a way of life. Women call such men womanizers, and it is not difficult to recognize them - such men pay too much attention to other women, they cannot help but do it. If a woman gets along with such a man, then she should not count on his loyalty to her. If she needs it. It is important to understand here that if a person has formed exactly such an attitude towards relationships with the opposite sex and towards life in general, then it is practically impossible to change this person, at least without his own desire, or without urgent need. After all, people usually live as it suits them,
and not in the way it supposedly should, especially for someone else. Therefore, many womanizers have no desire to give up pleasure and live the life they want. Therefore, either do not get along with such men if they do not suit you, or do not demand from them what they cannot give you. But they can’t because they don’t want to. Remember that a scorpion stings because it is a scorpion, that is its nature. And male nature forces him to show attention to other women, like a male to females. And upbringing corresponding to this nature can cement in him an unshakable tendency to betray. This is when a man is taught from childhood that having many women is an achievement and a feat, that real men conquer different women, and are not content with just one. Therefore, the more women a man had and has, the better, the higher his value. Moreover, this is not only a man’s point of view, but women themselves can think so. Therefore, for some of them, male polygamy is the norm, since it is an integral biological quality of the stronger sex. A man with such convictions will not want to limit himself in his desires.

2. Pursuit of pleasure . You know, I pay special attention to this point, because I believe that pacifying one’s desires and appetites for the sake of both one’s own and others’ good is characteristic of exclusively prudent people. All people in this life strive for pleasure, avoiding pain; this is a natural desire for us. But you can strive for pleasure in different ways - you can do this by respecting the interests and needs of other people, especially close, dear, loved ones, or you can be a terrible egoist and think only about yourself. Now, when a man does not value the interests, feelings, needs and desires of his woman, his wife, thinking only about himself, about his interests, desires and needs, he is a real egoist, the desire for pleasure of which pushes him not only to cheat, but also to many other actions unacceptable for a woman. For example, to disorderly spending of money, to excessive drinking, to gambling, and so on. Many women who live with such men and with whom I had the opportunity to work said that their husband had become selfish. That is, you see, from their point of view, he was not one when they met, but became an egoist after some time. This really happens, for a number of reasons, I will not deny it. Too good a life relaxes a man, and he begins to allow himself a lot. But very often an overly selfish man can be recognized at the initial stage of getting to know him. You just need to pay attention to all sorts of little things in his behavior. And then it will be possible to see whether he is an egoist or not. Or rather, what kind of egoist he is - terrible or moderate. If you see that he is all for himself, everything for himself, everything for himself, that he often forgets about your interests and you have to constantly ask him for something, but he himself cannot guess about your needs - draw conclusions. Even by such seemingly distant things from relationships as frequent car changes, when a man constantly strives to buy himself a new, modern car, you can understand what his nature is. And it’s not about money, it’s about the desire for something new, better, which can be too reckless, indicating a person’s inability to appreciate what he already has. In itself, the desire for something new and better is a correct desire, but the form of this desire can be different. If, say, having a good, working car, a man exchanges it for a new one without any apparent need, seeking pleasure like a child, then why can’t he do the same with his woman, cheating on her for the same pleasure? You see, dear women, the maturity of the mind is determined, among other things, by a person’s ability to control his desires. Selfishness, in its unsightly form, is inherent in children, that is, in the immature mind. Children are also drawn to pleasure, without realizing where such a desire can lead them, and if they are not limited, they can, first of all, harm themselves. Only an adult, a man, must be able and want to limit himself, for the sake of a normal, stable life, for the sake of happiness with his woman. If he doesn’t do this, you shouldn’t be surprised at his betrayal and betrayal. There is little demand from children.

3. Desire to diversify your sex life. This desire is inherent in many people of both sexes. The only question is how strongly it manifests itself and in what form. Over time, everything becomes boring, this is understandable, but to maintain interest in life, in sex, in the opposite sex, in your woman or in your man, some kind of variety is necessary. A man especially needs this, because his masculine nature cannot accept monotony in sexual relationships. The Coolidge effect just describes the theory of polygamy in males; read about it to understand what needs are inherent in male nature. Therefore, a woman either needs to add some variety to her sexual life, or there is a high probability that a man will look for this variety on the side. In principle, if you approach this issue with imagination and enthusiasm, then you can diversify sexual relationships very well, and in such a way that it will be interesting and will bring great pleasure not only to the man, but also to the woman. There are many ways to diversify your sex life. So you can study them and take advantage of them.

4. Dissatisfaction. In part, this point is a continuation of the previous one, only in this case, a man’s sexual dissatisfaction can be associated not only with a lack of variety in sex, but also with its insufficient quantity and low quality. Also, a man’s sexual dissatisfaction can be affected by the simplicity of sexual relations, without, so to speak, sexual fantasies, which have long become the norm for our depraved society. These fantasies, in fact, there is nothing wrong with them, it is a kind of highlight in sex that affects its quality. It must be present in the relationship between a man and a woman, so that they are interested in each other and so that they are attracted to each other. Therefore, if there is little sex in a man’s life or it is not of sufficient quality, he may well be pulled to the left. But this is a fixable matter, unless it is a problem for the woman herself.

5. Lack of emotional intimacy. Sex is sex, but we are still people, not animals, so in addition to animal instinctual needs, we also have human spiritual needs, including spiritual intimacy with a loved one. From work experience, I can say that there are not many men who feel dissatisfied with their relationship with a woman due to the lack of spiritual intimacy with her, and therefore cheat on her. But they exist, so a woman must take this male need into account. In general, a woman who loves her man usually does not have problems with spiritual intimacy with him. Nevertheless, more attention should be paid to this point. Rare men who value a woman’s spiritual qualities are valuable in their own way, but they also have unique needs. Don’t forget to satisfy them and then such a man will simply have no reason to cheat on you.

6. The desire to assert oneself. This is also a very common reason why men cheat. This desire arises mainly among men with complexes and lacking self-confidence. Having no idea of ​​themselves, they want to fill the inner emptiness with insignificant external achievements, seeing this as their only opportunity to become more significant, primarily in their own eyes, as people. But there are also men who do this out of conviction and even with a certain degree of aggressiveness, since they are confident that self-affirmation through numerous sexual victories is a manifestation of a man’s strong qualities. A man’s self-doubt and his complexes can be dealt with; a woman can do this herself, with the help of the right attitude towards her man, or by turning to a specialist who will tell her what and how to do. But with the beliefs that a man holds about sexual victories, with the help of which he asserts himself, things are more complicated. Here it is already necessary to change a man’s worldview, instill in him new values, and show him life from the other side. Not every specialist can do this. However, if a man himself recognizes the need to change his behavior, for the sake of his woman, for the sake of his family, for the sake of happiness, he can be helped.

7. Dissatisfaction with your life. Some men may decide to cheat due to dissatisfaction with their lives. In this case, a woman may have nothing to do with the behavior of a man, who, according to a number of other criteria, may rate the quality of his life very low. Hence, he has a need to improve it with the help of new sensations, new acquaintances, new relationships, new adventures. This is not a common case, but it is quite interesting, primarily because such a man can treat his woman very well, but still cheat on her. For such a man to stop cheating on his woman, his wife and generally stop being dissatisfied with his life, he needs to rethink a lot. In this case, the woman should advise her man to change, for example, his job if he doesn’t like it, or his place of residence if it’s terrible, in order to improve his quality of life and at the same time his own life. Then the man will not need betrayal as a means of consolation. However, if the situation is difficult, if he explains a man’s dissatisfaction with his life by dissatisfaction with his relationship with his woman, thus shifting responsibility for his, primarily internal, problems onto her, then it is necessary to understand this issue more thoroughly. After all, the same midlife crisis can affect a man’s vision of his life in extremely gloomy tones, which will not correspond to reality, but will nevertheless have a very strong impact on his behavior. And if a man is not able to clearly formulate his thoughts, explaining his dissatisfaction with a relationship with a woman - he cannot explain what exactly he does not like, what does not suit him, what he lacks in this relationship - it is better to drag him to a psychologist, by any means. Otherwise, such dissatisfaction may begin to manifest itself not only in betrayal, but also in other wrong and thoughtless actions.

8. Revenge. If there were actions in a woman’s life that caused great offense to her man, if she herself was unfaithful to him, then the likelihood that he will cheat on her out of revenge is quite high. But this can be avoided, or you can make sure that a man’s betrayal does not happen again because of this reason, and for this you need to start treating him very well, showing him your love and respect, and showing that you value him very highly, like a man. It is important that a man feels like a man, and not a rag on which to wipe his feet. Show him that you cheated on him by mistake, and not because another man was better than him. In this way, you can dissolve the resentment that has lodged in him, and then the desire to change in order to take revenge will disappear. In general, dear women, try not to make mistakes that could negatively affect your life, and in particular, your relationship with your man. I understand that this sounds somewhat banal, but you know, when a person often thinks about this - about the consequences of his actions, he begins to take them into account. Therefore, I believe that every woman needs to think more often about what this or that action will lead to before committing it. You just need to accustom yourself to this. Then you will not do anything for which your man will want to take revenge on you, including through betrayal.

9. Boredom. Sometimes a man simply becomes bored and uninterested with his woman, as a result of which he begins to be drawn to adventures on the side. This is one of the most common reasons for male infidelity, but I nevertheless believe that it originates from upbringing. Yes, living with one woman who, for example, is not interested in what a man is interested in, and also takes care of children all day long without paying enough attention to him, can become boring over time. But I can say with complete confidence that any life becomes boring over time, and making it interesting at the expense of causing pain to another person, I think, is unacceptable for a serious, cultured, educated person. In my understanding, boredom is not a reason to cheat, it is a reason to cheat. And if a man uses this reason to improve his life, but at the same time making it worse for his woman, this speaks of his low moral and spiritual qualities. If a woman is ready to put up with this, she can close her eyes to it; if not, she should think about a more worthy life partner.

10. Weakness. A man’s weak character, because of which he follows everyone’s lead, may be the reason that another woman will seduce him and he will decide to cheat. And if his woman, his wife, constantly pushes him around, having complete power over him, then he will cheat on her without any regret. Such weak men, of course, are disgusting, but often women themselves make their men like this, driving them under their thumbs. Those women who want to dominate their men go against the laws of nature. They kill the man in their men. On the one hand, this allows a woman to gain power over her man and achieve obedience from him, but on the other hand, she gets either an extremely homely man, practically incapable of anything serious, or complete squalor, the power over which can be seized by any more or less active woman. Therefore, I believe, I am simply convinced of this, that for a normal relationship, a man should remain a man, and a woman a woman. I understand that life today dictates its own rules, when a woman needs to take on male responsibilities - to support herself, her children and even her family, solve problems, and do other things for which a man is more suitable. It is difficult for such women to give leadership in the family to a man, especially to a man who does not even remotely resemble a leader. But there is no need to suppress such men. You can try to help them become normal men, there are such opportunities, but you don’t need to make a rag out of them and then wipe your feet on it. Today you wipe your feet on this rag, tomorrow another woman will do it, who will take this toy from you not without her, or rather his, consent. A weak man is greedy for everything, and so that he does not cheat, he needs to instill self-esteem so that he respects both himself and his woman, and does not allow anyone to interfere in his personal life, much less ruin it. And a depressed, humiliated, bullied man has no self-esteem - it is killed in him. He does not control external factors, they control him. Such a man can cheat, become an alcoholic, and do a lot of stupid things. And in general, there is not much benefit from such male individuals. So, dear women, think carefully before suppressing a man in a man, with the expectation that he will become a toy for you, which you can twist and twirl as you wish. Such a man, let’s say, can not only cheat on you, but also cause a lot of other troubles.

These, in fact, are all the main reasons for male infidelity that I most often encountered in my practice. We will talk about other reasons, less significant and less common, another time. For now, I think, these reasons are more than enough for every woman to be able to draw the right conclusions for herself regarding how she should and should not behave with her man, so that he does not have the desire to cheat on her. Also, a woman should think very carefully, and even better, consult with knowledgeable people about which man is best for her to connect her destiny with, taking into account her desires and plans for life. For not every man is capable of being what a woman wants to see in him.

In conclusion, I would like to say a little about what I see as the main problem of male infidelity and why it needs to be solved so that both the man and the woman feel good together, so that they are happy with each other. Everything, I believe, depends on people’s attitude towards life and what they want to get from it.

If a person professes family values, then this is one thing, but if a person professes free love and a lifestyle free from any obligations, then this is another. Each person has his own desires and goals in life. And, I believe, everyone needs to act based on these very desires and goals, without deceiving themselves and other people. If a man cannot or does not want to live a family life, which implies taking on certain responsibilities and obligations, then he does not need to get married, have children, and then run to the left, thus creating certain problems for his family. After all, not every woman can put up with this. There is no need to ruin other people's lives, because you can live the way you want with those who share your views on life. And a woman should also understand that there is no need to get along with a man who is not only incapable of being faithful to his loved one, his beloved woman, but also to live a family life in general. Well, some men are not suitable for this, whatever one may say.

And in general, we all need to remember that we are driven not only by our instincts, but also by our minds. Therefore, we need to learn to pacify our selfishness and not follow the lead of some of our desires, so as not to cause pain to other people, especially the people we love and care about, who trust us. So, if a man can cheat, this does not mean that he needs to do it. If he has a good, loving, respectful woman next to him, then by cheating on her, I think he is cheating on himself. He betrays not only her, but also himself and his happiness!