It seems to me that my whole life is a complete mistake. All my life it seems like the whole world is against me

Question to the psychologist:

Hello. I am 28 years old, I have been married for 6 years, I have a son. My parents died many years ago, I grew up with my grandmother, who loved me very much. Higher education, engineering. Relations with my husband are excellent, he always supports me, helps in everyday life, we rarely quarrel and love each other very much. My son is 5 years old, he is growing up as a smart, kind boy. Until recently, I worked in the office, but I had to quit due to frequent illnesses of the child. It seems that everything is fine and wonderful, I would like to live and be happy, but I am constantly haunted by the feeling that everything I do is meaningless ... Even elementary things seem meaningless ... A feeling of anxiety and apathy has developed. I'm not interested in anything, I used to go in for sports, read a lot, took a great interest in photography, kept my blog, cooked different dishes... Now I prefer to lie in bed, I try to force myself to do something, but the thought of the meaninglessness of all things, and indeed in general, the whole life "extinguishes" me. It started with the advent of the child, and progresses. I am constantly in the same mood, neither good nor bad, neutral. Sometimes loud sounds irritate me, I am absolutely not stress-resistant, I move away from shocks for a long time. What happened with me? Is it me, or do I really have a problem? Thanks in advance.

The psychologist Sanzhiev Alexander Igorevich answers the question.

Hello Irene. You are right, sometimes in our life there can come a period of apathy, meaninglessness of affairs, lack of strength. It can at some point become gray, boring, with a predominance of neutral emotions. It's good that you noticed this condition. I think you feel like you have some kind of problem. However, with a little effort, you can make your life even better.

It often happens that routine and gray everyday life draw us in like a whirlpool, which gives our life a sense of meaninglessness and can cause various negative feelings.

You said that: “I’m not interested in anything, I used to go in for sports, read a lot, took a great interest in photography, kept my blog, cooked different dishes…”. You had many activities that gave you pleasure. They can still be: you can read, take pictures of a child, cook, you can resume playing sports, blogging. You can even involve your child in them. Or you can look for new hobbies, because there are a lot of them, and you will definitely find a lot of those that are right for you. It will also be useful to dream and set long-term, global and inspiring goals. It is possible to realize your childhood dream or learn something new, or maybe plan a summer family vacation.

I also offer a very effective exercise that will allow you to change your emotional state, increase the brightness of life, and overcome apathy. Write a list of thirty little things that bring you pleasure. Then, every day, implement one from this list. Also keep a diary, where every day you will write down ten things for which you are proud of yourself. And ten moments that brought you joy during the day. And already after a small amount of time, you can be surprised to find how much the saturation, brightness of your life has changed. Perhaps you will notice how much more positive emotions you get, and you will be able to discover how the desire to achieve your goals appears.

Each of us has moments in life when it seems that even a grain of meaning has drowned in a swamp of everyday life, failures, bad news, disgusting mood. This is the time when it seems that there is no meaning and will never be, when it seems that everything that was real in the world is left somewhere in the past. If you are experiencing something like this, then BroDude will help you, because today we will be conducting therapy for your life so that it will again be filled with meaning.

Call an old friend to catch up

When you start to think that life is meaningless, it's probably because you've lost the sense of joy you once had. Probably, you are distracted by worldly thoughts about life, all sorts of social networks, ridiculous communication with colleagues. If so, then an old friend or girlfriend who once played a significant role in your life can save you. Establish contact with them and, perhaps, everything will work out.

Get out of the circle

Another major reason for your depression is the feeling that you are in a vicious circle. This is because every day you spend like the previous one. You eat the same things, work the hours you are supposed to, and then you rest the same way. There is nothing new in your life, and therefore it takes on the terrible outlines of dullness and despondency.

Correcting this misunderstanding is easy. Just start doing things that don't fit into your daily routine. Do something unexpected, at least in the most primitive sense. For example, you can go to the movies after work instead of trudging home dejectedly.

Say no"

It is difficult to find meaning in anything if life consists only of an endless circle of obligations, each of which follows one after the other. If you have taken on the burden of what you do not want to do, then there is nothing surprising in the fact that longing eats you. What to do? Get rid of this burden. Start saying no to people when they ask you to do something. It's not as difficult as it seems. And this is the only way not to be led by incomprehensible people, but to live your own life.

Go on vacation alone

Vacation is cool. But if you have lost the meaning of life, then the best vacation is not a vacation with friends, family, girlfriend, but a vacation alone with yourself. We are not talking about the fact that you should rest all the days alone, but set aside at least part of the vacation to sort yourself out. Decide on your priorities at this time, review your achievements and failures, understand what you want from life. In fact, this can be done even over the weekend, if you set a goal.

Do what you always wanted to do but put off

The worst thing about life is that it's damn short. You won't have time to finish all your business, trust us. But you can shift the focus towards those things that you like. Surprisingly, what you like almost always coincides with what you have been putting off. We have no idea why this is happening. Perhaps because it always seemed to you that all these things are not important to you, but the daily mandatory work is important. But it's not. You decide for yourself what is important and what is not.

We understand that abandoning social media in the 21st century is crazy. They created too much connection between people. And to be honest, social media has done a lot of good, but still, when you're depressed, you should forget about it for a while. For what? To go out into the real world, communicate with real people, clear your mind, enjoy the life that you close yourself off from in the virtual world.

“This is an excerpt from my grandmother's diary, dated September 16, 1977. I read it about 10 years ago. He will remind me that there is always something to be grateful for. And no matter how good or bad I feel, I have to wake up every day and give thanks for life, because someone somewhere is desperately fighting for it.

– writes blogger Mark Chernov.

1. Pain is part of growth.

Sometimes life closes doors because it's time to move. And that's good, because we often don't start moving unless circumstances force us to.

When times get tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurts you, but never forget the lesson she teaches you.

Just because you are struggling doesn't mean you are failing. Every great success requires a worthy struggle to be present. Good things take time. Stay patient and confident. Everything will be alright; most likely not in a moment, but eventually everything will be ... Remember that there are two types of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. As you go through life, instead of resisting it, help it develop you.

2. Everything in life is temporary.

Whenever it rains, you know it will end. Every time you get hurt, the wound heals. After darkness there is always light - you are reminded of this every morning, but nevertheless, it often seems that the night will last forever. It will not happen! Nothing lasts forever.

So, if everything is good right now, enjoy it. It won't last forever. If it's bad, don't worry, because it won't last forever either. Just because life isn't easy right now doesn't mean you can't laugh.

Just because something bothers you doesn't mean you can't smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. Every second you get a second chance. Just use it.

3. Worrying and complaining won't change anything.

Those who complain the most achieve the least. It is always better to try to do something bigger and fail than to try to succeed without doing anything.

Nothing is over if you lose; it's over if you're really only complaining.

If you believe in something, keep trying. And no matter what happens in the end, remember that true happiness only begins to come when you stop complaining about your problems and start being grateful for all the problems you don't have.

4. Your scars are symbols of your power.

Never be ashamed of the scars life has left on you. A scar means that there is no more pain and the wound has healed. This means that you have conquered the pain, learned the lesson, become stronger and have progressed. The scar is a tattoo of triumph. Don't let scars hold you hostage. Don't let them make you live in fear. Start seeing them as a sign of strength.

Ludmila King

Below are three letters - one addressed to me (with the permission of the author and with minor changes) and two just found on the Internet as living examples, you will definitely see analogies and even similar phrases, plus the identity of the problem. And when there is a problem, you need to LOOK FOR ITS SOLUTION.

and what is going on now? EVERYTHING is crumbling…. and it's hard without it. My son has been seriously ill since the age of 5 - I have seen so much death - and it is still very difficult in all corners of life ....

Just broken. Therefore, I wrote. Pain all around and very hard. Although I try to survive... one friend says, only one of my lives can make a movie ...

Maybe look at my map? ... I have been fighting for the life of my son for 25 years. Husband lost EVERYTHING!! -because we pay our own money for treatment -we are not citizens-. The person with whom everything seemed to be fine suddenly left. suddenly. Husband lost his job. We were deported. In short, WHERE? FIND those powers-that you write about…. I will try… Very….

Hello, I'm 22 years old, I'm married, I have a beautiful daughter. It all started from the moment I got pregnant. My husband and I just got married then. everything was fine, but one day a crisis came, my husband was fired from his job. I worked while I could, then I went on maternity leave. She gave birth to a child, and then constant moving began. there were 5 of them in the last year. The husband seemed to work, but somehow everything did not work out and he decided to engage in entrepreneurial activities. at first everything seemed to work out, and then everything got worse ... then the bank was owed a large amount, now they are suing. I recently found out that I'm pregnant again. Of course, I understood that it was not the right time, but I was still very happy. The husband was not so positive. then the bleeding started. called an ambulance, in the hospital they said that the child had been dead for a long time ... it was not just a blow! They cleaned it ... Now a month has passed, I seem to have calmed down. but money is bad. and my husband decided to work in a taxi and today on the first day he lost all his documents and money ...

I don’t know how to continue to live and what to do, this is the last straw, I can’t even cry anymore, I sit and giggle stupidly. and the worst thing is that I'm afraid of the future, because this is not a complete list of what happened to me over the past two years ...

Help me please! How do you find the strength to get through all of this? how to start over

Thank you in advance…..

What do you do when life collapses?

all interest in life and the struggle for a brighter future is fading away, I’ve just come to terms that I’m always alone (a rather long period of my life) .. And in recent years, everything has gone for the worse, now I’m unemployed, I owe a large amount to the bank, crashed my car today...

I’m just already tired, tired of life, I can’t even cry, because I’m tired .... tired of these problems .... the only thing that keeps me in this world is that I love my parents .. But for some reason it seems to me that this will soon not be a hindrance to me, I can’t go on like this ... tell me what to do?

EVERYONE HAS A SANTA BARBARA

In all these three messages, we see that problems roll like a snowball and at some point some unpleasant event occurs (mind you - non-fatal!) And a person “breaks down”, that is, reaches the limit of patience and catharsis occurs. Or the peak of the development cycle of his crisis situation.

First, a person is deep inside a situation that seems to him a dead end. Looking from the outside, we don't think so. After all, it’s not for nothing that they say that you need to “rise above” in order to see the whole picture or from a wider perspective. After all, everything is not so bad.

For example, we often compare ourselves with others - especially when they have something better or have something that we don't have, and this plunges us into negative feelings of self-pity, envy, sadness, etc.

In this situation of "total collapse" as advice, you can also offer to compare your misfortunes with the misfortunes of others in order to feel better.

For example, some women do not have husbands and have to take care of themselves and their children, earn money, solve problems, make decisions, etc.

Some don't have a car and have to use public transport. Someone does not have money to afford to go abroad or just to the sea and so on. Someone does not have health, body parts, vision and hearing, parents, children, housing, and so on.

Look at Nick Vuychich - if it seems to you that everything is “bad” for you or you have been deprived of something. He has no arms or legs, but he was able to cope with despondency and despair and even became rich, married a young beauty who bore him a daughter. He is a living motivation to “not be a victim.”

Are you still sick? And do you feel left out?

Sometimes it seems to us that our life is similar to "Santa Barbara", with many difficult moments, the first heroine even wrote that a film could be made based on her life, but look around - look at the lives of the people around you, delve into their stories. Each is its own movie, its own unique script, its own series and its failures and failures. Who among us hasn't lost a job? Hands up. Who among us has not been abandoned by a loved one? Any hands up? Who has not experienced financial difficulties, major losses, disasters, injuries and accidents? I think that all readers of this article are already sitting with their hands up. Write if this is not the case.

I myself thought for a long time that my sphere of personal relationships is a solid Santa Barbara and that there is no more unhappy girl in the world, and then I saw that others have something different, much more dramatic and complicated.

Conclusion: your life is the same as hundreds and thousands of others, better in some ways, worse in some ways, and YOU ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR.

Advice: try to help yourself get out of the state of the victim, in which you are now, to the state of the creator of your life or someone who is able to get out of this impasse, through changing your attitude to what is happening and changing the angle of attention from focusing on “everything is bad” to focusing on what you want instead and how to achieve it.

In no way do I want to encourage you to ignore the problem, I ask you reset its importance, refocus the focus. And this is the first step towards its solution.

They say that God does not give tests beyond our strength - we are able to get out of difficult situations, the main thing is to concentrate and get together. There are many examples when people got out of the most unthinkable situations, help came at the very last moment and in the most wonderful way. But you need to ask about it - God, the Highest.

In moments of despair - go to Him and pray for help, give your situation to Him for consideration. Say what you want, give thanks and promise to accept everything as His will, humbly. And whatever happens next, just live by accepting. You can’t sew a cut off leg back on – that’s why sometimes you need to learn how to walk on a prosthesis and live in new conditions. Some even manage to become Olympic champions in this state. We always have a choice - to lie down and “die”, to give up and despair, to fight and win.

It sometimes seems to us that life is over and there is no point in living on, hope is dying, but in fact, this is not the end of life, this is the completion of one of its chapters, and then a new chapter opens. Let there be something different in it, but this is life, a different plot, a different script, and we have everything in order to write a better script in this chapter.

CLASSICS OF THE GENRE

The events that are generally considered the most negative are classics of the genre - divorce, loss of work and livelihood, loss of valuables, death of loved ones and loved ones, health problems, injuries and accidents.

Any person is experiencing a crisis, stress, depression and other negative feelings at this time, but you can react to them in different ways, for some it will be the “end of life”, and for someone “the beginning of a new one”. From the success stories of famous, rich and successful people, we can learn that they also had to go through such “bifurcation points” (a moment of no return), that is, difficult moments when everything collapsed for them, losses and other crises occurred, but it was from which began the starting point of their future success.

One of the major information businessmen said that his girlfriend left him, after which he finally got up from the couch and created his own business. Now he is rich and there was another girl whom he happily married. Another well-known blogger and trainer shared the story that a major car accident made her turn her life around, quit a prestigious job, leave a foreign country, think about the future, return to the country and create her own online training business. And there are millions of such stories. Because that's how the universe works. We develop through crises.

How else can we be awakened or pulled out of our usual routine, how can we be encouraged to evolve and develop? The Universe is knocking on windows and doors, and if we do not hear, then on the head .. so that we finally take our strength and do something in our lives; or simply changed something, perhaps long desired, but ignored; or simply followed their own Path, from which they deviated, etc.

Metaphorically, a comparison can be made - when a mother calls her child, but she does not hear or ignores the call, then the parent screams louder or even comes up and uses brute force in order to attract attention, so Our Heavenly Father calls, shouts and sometimes does what something to draw our attention to ourselves.

And yes, crisis situations are a close path to God, because many of us remember His existence only in difficult moments. And this is a great chance to turn to Him.

Conclusion: crisis situations draw your attention to Yourself, Truth and the Highest. Perhaps the time has come for a change in your life and you should not resist them. Perhaps it's time to take your Power. Perhaps this is a test of strength (more on this below in the Astrological interpretation of events).

Tip: try to change your attitude to what is happening, reorient from the end to a new beginning, be flexible and do not fall into despair - there is a WAY out of ANY SITUATION, even yours.

Well, judge for yourself - if you lost your job, there will definitely be another one, you just need to make an effort and look for it properly. If you suffered material damage, say "thank you, Lord, for taking money." The beloved left, learn to live in a romance with yourself and life.
When everything in life falls apart

Does the world seem to be collapsing? This is wrong! He's just rearranging. And maybe for you!

In this article, I described the Tao of Pluto and offered an exercise to get out of plutonic depression - Pluto is associated with death and loss, deep transformations and rebirth. In this exercise, you need to lie down in the bath, plunging headlong into the water - a symbolic immersion to the bottom, the moment of "death" and emerge "born again". When you get to the bottom of life, you have a chance to kick off properly with your feet and start to emerge - the Tao of Pluto just talks about diving and diving into the depths.

ASTRO CAUSES and SATURN RETURN

If we look at such destructive situations from an astrological point of view, then here we are dealing with life and planetary cycles.

Each planet has its own cycle, for example, the cycle of the Moon, which reflects the structures of life processes - everything has a birth, development, culmination and decline / death / end. At that moment when several negative plots coincide at once in life (there are also positive ones, but we rarely mark this as something significant), the climax, the full moon of life, comes. After a while, there will be a decline.

On the full moon, you usually need to part with something that has become obsolete, these are times of increased emotionality and the difficulty of controlling it. A little later, you look at what happened with much less tragedy.

In these moments, you need to allow yourself to live your emotions.

Saturn has long cycles, a full one is about 29-30 years and intermediate seven years. Saturn is considered a harsh planet, and I often cite an association with him in the form of Morozko from the fairy tale of the same name, when he tested the strength of the main characters, asking them “if they are warm” and then bestowed them according to the test. So life (Saturn) tests how humble, strong, wise, ready to take responsibility for their lives and become its Authors.

Here is the woman who wrote the first letter, just going through the Second Return of Saturn (occurs at the age of about 59-60 years). This is the time of the next restructuring of life, challenges of fate, tests and great opportunities with the task of determining the long-term goals of your further development. We perceive this time as a time of crises, we can be sad, fall into despair, but Saturn is a strict and fair Teacher, he will bestow us in the future, but after a difficult period of change and restructuring.

Saturn asks for self-digging and self-knowledge, to go through the process of re-inventory of ourselves and our ways of life. We may encounter something that is not working in our lives, limitations and obstacles, see gaps, weaknesses. Saturn slows us down so that we can look with a hard and cold eye at the reality we have built in our lives and find new ways and means to become a true author - an authority - in our lives. We have another chance to become who we really are.

In mythology, Saturn is associated with the harvest, with rewards for efforts. If we are willing to wait, work, persevere. Saturn is a strict teacher and he asks to clean up our psychological and physical debris and dig up the soil (of our psyche) before we plant new seeds (of new intentions/new life). In the times of the Return, we have a chance for real change and life-renewing rewards. This is truly a planet of opportunity.

During the Second Return comes the wisdom of the Elder. Our personal and public safety is under review. This is a difficult time and harvest time, the results of work over the past years.

We are asking a lot of questions at this time. We cannot repeat past mistakes. We are taking the first steps towards new beginnings.

Saturn often asks "Whose movie am I in?" and challenges to be a director and screenwriter. It would be too easy to read the replicas of a well-known script. Instead, we must become Authors in Our Own and become the true Authors of our lives.

We need to rewrite the script of our lives. It's not always easy, our lives are full of people and situations that no longer reflect who we are. The human unconscious often creates situations that challenge us. It is as if it is recruiting other people to play certain roles in our life story - this one will be the boss, this one will be the victim, and this one will be the unfaithful lover. Saturnian post-checks in life are associated with the moments when these people play their roles and it's time to adjust their life script. We must take our projections back and look at the drama of our lives as OUR responsibility. And don't blame anyone.

During the Second Return, Saturn calls for concrete action in the real world, but it's all very subtle. If we don't do the right thing, we may no longer have a second chance. If you put off checking your health, it may be too late. If you don't admit to yourself that "my job is killing me, but I have to wait until retirement," it can actually kill you.

As the body ages, fatigue and depression grow, the body is no longer an object of pride, and then the Spirit has a chance to come forward. Some old habits may show their heads to be chopped off. You may be asking yourself “why do I have to deal with this issue again?” and the answer will be "because you almost resolved it." Now you look at things more wisely and maturely. With the gift of wisdom, you complete unfinished business and situations.

At this time, you need to clean the very foundations - the cellars of your existence and look at your dis-idealizations, let illusions go away. Now is the time to slow down and let the good things come into your life.

We can return to something that gives the fruits of our experience - a certain project, something that we know how to do well and even better.

And here are the tools to help pass the Saturnian checks:

1 Be discerning (discern (eng) - to distinguish, recognize)

Because I am wiser today than I was a year ago and know much more, I can wisely use choices based on clarity of intent. Dream of the future with a clearly visible path through the trees. “Know thyself” and “Nothing superfluous” - the inscriptions from the Delphic temple are clearly for me. Now it is necessary to retreat from the excesses of youth and clearly understand what I can and cannot do.

2 Be cordial

Have the courage to ask for advice from knowledgeable people. And for myself: how much I project my insecurities and fears into the surrounding reality, making my life miserable, unable to take responsibility and cordially accept others.

3 Go deeper

All or nothing is a pretty superficial quick fix, but Saturn doesn't like quick fixes. No hasty decisions and no hasty work! It is better to endure the tension of tearing contradictions and internal conflicts until a new form of the idea emerges. And only then, it's time to get out of your usual comfort zone and do it! "Dig deep - you will find precious water at the very bottom!"

4 Act!

In the end, Saturn rewards those who do and depresses those who procrastinate.

It's ironic - but while we are waiting (warm and good weather of spring - good weather by the sea :)) Saturn is testing us for the strength of our faith - rebirth and rebirth. We are like seeds on the windowsill, waiting for seedlings and watering. And in due time we must act, dig deep, separate the weeds from the emerging flowers..

…everything comes in due time..

We have gone into great detail on the Saturn Return cycle (especially for my reader who asked), but there are many other cycles as well - for example, Uranus opposition and Neptune square around 40-42 years old called the Midlife Crisis, Jupiter Return - occurs every 12 years also marks the beginning and end of certain milestones in life, an upgrade in lifestyle. Personal cycles can be found at consultations with astrologers, and everyone has their own working astro-influences in difficult moments of life.

Conclusion: events are influenced by planetary, cosmic and other cycles.

Tip: if you need support in moments of crisis, contact professional therapists (psychologists, astrologers, etc.) and support groups, ask friends and relatives for help. They will definitely help you regain lost hope.

Hello, I'm 22 years old if that's the information you need and I've lost my purpose in life. It started from adolescence. At first it was dissatisfaction with oneself, because. I am overweight (and now I have it and brings a lot of problems), then the realization that because of this excess weight no one will pay attention to me (there were relationships and they lasted a week), and now also because I don't know where to go after university. Now I'm just going with the flow, I don't know what to do, how to lure myself. All the time thinking in my head that I'm not beautiful enough, not smart enough, not talented enough. The fact that I will not be able to find anyone, I will be left alone and will live without any prospects. I tried to lose weight, but it doesn’t work out, all the time there are breakdowns and dissatisfaction with my body. And the realization that I can’t lose weight in any way and will remain fat and no one needs me brings me to internal hysteria. And all that remains is to imagine in my head the ideal life and the ideal body that I would like to have. However, in my free time, I only do what I dream and imagine a guy who loves me, a good job, a happy life, a beautiful body. In reality, the opposite is true. I don't know how to deal with it. I almost despaired, but it all depends on ourselves and I would like to change something in my life, but apart from changing my hairstyle, work and a pair of shoes I can’t. I would like to lose weight and bring myself closer, at least, to that ideal body, but constant breakdowns and depressions (if you can call it that) do not allow me to take a step towards the future that I want.

Hello Yana! You're right

but it all depends on ourselves

Dreaming is good, but if you take a step forward, then you will begin to approach and a goal will appear. This step can be for you to work with a psychologist to correct self-esteem and self-acceptance.

Sincerely, Troshina Evgenia Alexandrovna, psychologist, Tikhvin

Hello Yana.

You wrote that you have lost your purpose in life. I think it is not lost, but you just decided that it is not realistic to achieve it. I will assume that your goal is what you dreamed of. And it is achievable! You yourself wrote that everything depends on us. You just need to learn how to achieve this goal.

You have problems with self-esteem and goal setting, which are closely intertwined.

I say, you need to build a chain of subgoals, reaching which you will respect and appreciate yourself. Thanks to the step-by-step movement, you will come to your main goal. And you need to start with self-acceptance. After all, it's not about appearance, but how you feel about it. Many people, let's say - ugly outwardly live a full-fledged active happy life, respecting and appreciating themselves.

I think you need to work with a psychologist, since it is difficult to do all this on your own. And, believe me, everything is feasible!

Good luck to you!

If you want, you can write or call me. My contacts are in the form on the site.

Sosnina Marina Stepanovna, consultant psychologist, Khabarovsk.

Dear Yana!

Excess weight goes away immediately without any diets, if anxiety, obsession with rejection of one's body, self-criticism and self-criticism go away, self-confidence appears.

To make your dreams of a good ideal figure come true, you just have to turn to a qualified psychologist. The dreams of losing weight without the help of a psychologist are unlikely to come true, since it is very difficult to deal with your complexes, psychological ones yourself. Even specialists. Take action, look for a psychologist - this will be the first step not only to an ideal figure, but also to success in work, career, in choosing a life partner.

Ask for help! I would be happy to help overcome your depression and achieve your desired weight!

All the best!

Rimma Dyusmetova, member of the European Association of Psychotherapists Chelyabinsk