Why doesn't anyone love me? How to live on if no one needs you

“The day ceases to seem bright when I am left to myself. Nobody needs me! What is it worth living for anyway?” – this is the thought many women face. When you feel like a burden, and those around you notice you less and less, you feel empty inside. There is no one to talk to heart to heart, everything seems insignificant and you just want to fall into the ground. How to stop suffering and learn to value yourself? You are not alone and you will be able to start all over again! Read to the end and you will learn some valuable tips.

Where does the feeling “no one needs it” come from?

When I had a good relationship with a young man and then it broke down, my colleagues ignore me, and also this friend who hasn’t picked up my calls lately - why is the whole world avoiding me? A similar feeling accompanies many girls at various stages of life. Some people cannot establish relationships with others at the age of a student, while others experience communication difficulties at an advanced age.

« Who needs me and what am I doing wrong in trying not to feel loneliness?“, is a great question that helps you tune in to a new wave of change. When a girl feels like a burden to others, she automatically protects herself from prospects. It is difficult to talk about happy relationships, friendships with interesting people, success in a team if you constantly think about your insignificant position.

« I lost myself and now I can’t muster the strength to start over from scratch."- this is a great signal to start taking action. The feeling of alienation arises due to the conflict between the individual and his environment. When a daughter did not feel the love of her parents, the girl did not know the sincere love of her partner, did not feel much support from friends - this is exactly how internal pain arises.

If you constantly ask yourself: “ Don't I deserve to be happy? What can I do as much as possible to get out of this horror?“, then you can adjust yourself to a new rhythm of life. When the inner voice, under the pressure of experienced ups and downs, joys and disappointments, says to change everything immediately, it means you can’t hesitate! Combat readiness is exactly what makes a person angry with himself and circumstances on the good side. It’s worth being motivated, and not gradually burying your head in the sand and pretending to be a victim!

The story of one girl says: “Out of all her friends at school and university, she only had one friend left. Recently, relations with her have declined - she might not answer calls, ignore people when seen on the street and show false friendliness. Our heroine fell into a deep depression, because she just needed to speak out to someone, to feel banal support.

The feeling of her own insignificance haunted her. There is no one to call on the phone, to cry to, and I simply don’t have the strength to give up the bad habit of being sad about any reason. Our heroine said to herself: “I know that I deserve this, but now it’s time to call it quits and start a new life. Who needs me if not myself? I've had enough!

From a short story you can see how much a person wanted to change circumstances for the better. The “abandoned person” syndrome occurs regardless of age, wealth or status in society. Everyone, sooner or later, feels a void that needs to be filled with self-development. The sooner we realize that time is the most valuable resource that cannot be wasted on drama, then the picture of the world will become clearer.

How to deal with this feeling

The phrase “Nobody needs me” from a woman’s lips does not mean complaints about a guy or envious friends, but her sincere feelings. If inside you realize that life is a single divorce, quarrels, conflicts, complexes, then it is important to analyze the situation more closely. What is the root of evil? Often in adulthood, a woman feels a lack of attention that she was not given as a child.

It turns out that in the guise of an adult there is hidden the same child with a feeling of inferiority. Under the influence of life's troubles, pain worsens again, as it did many years ago. To finally get out of the critical point, you need to ask the question: “Who needs me and why do I need this as an individual?”

When you are alone on a desert island and you see a ship, even if it is a pirate ship, you will give signals in any case. But our life is not a bay where we need to let just anyone in. The desire to be loved, heard, understood should not be a blind persistence to capture someone's attention.

If a lady wants to find a worthy husband, she should work on herself both externally and mentally. She should not be flattered by false compliments from unscrupulous men for whom she is a victim for one night. The realities of life show how important it is to respect and value yourself, but also to be, at the same time, open to others. Such a balance will not allow you to be deceived, but will also help to attract the attention of others.

How to stop a woman from thinking that no one needs her

• Appreciate moments of solitude. Perhaps right now the Higher Powers did everything to make her think about the prospects for development and her own goals. When you are always living temporary hobbies with other people, you can easily forget about personal growth.
• To be needed by someone. You cannot always be closed off and close yourself off from the initiative to help others. Society values ​​reliable and purposeful people who are ready to support. If a girl is ready to prove herself in some area and goes to a meeting, people will begin to notice and appreciate her.
• Stop being a gray mouse. Constant “boo-boo-boo, I’m not like that, they’re all like that” - such thoughts can drive you crazy. There is no need to put on a gloomy face, constantly turn the day into the end of the world, and not enjoy the most ordinary moments of life. Cheerful and cheerful people rarely remain alone - others are drawn to them.
• Value yourself. , no one needs it and everyone passes by? You need to develop respect for your individuality and strive to emphasize it in an interesting way. Why not change your clothing style, hairstyle, makeup, learn to walk gracefully and develop posture, and play sports? You want to approach self-sufficient people, start talking, learn something new and just be around them.
• Do charity work and travel. These two things are inextricably linked. When we experience the world, we immediately reveal our inner potential. The unknown expands consciousness, which helps to understand the meaning of true values. Helping children, elderly and disabled people, animals, the surrounding nature - the inner emptiness will immediately be filled with love and awe for the outside world.

“No one needs me? I was wrong and now I can live to the fullest without a drop of prejudice,” we hope we were able to give you a similar feeling. Don’t be discouraged for a minute and appreciate every moment when you can shine with your inner energy. P.S. Practice thinking positively and not being subjected to unnecessary provocation from others. You are strong and you will be able to feel confident every day! Did you like the article? Share it with someone who needs support right now.

I'll tell you this: a place where a person with a good heart can be an officer of the law is a place where life is not so bad to live. And even very much so.

It seems to me that every person should learn to be alone from childhood. This doesn't mean being lonely. This means not being bored with yourself.

I don't need a bed to prove my femininity. I can be sexy just picking apples from a tree or standing in the rain.

I feel sorry for people who divide their lives into “things I like to do” and “things I should do.” Life is short. Learn to love her completely!

God, help me to be the kind of person my dog ​​considers me to be!

In general, I am not interested in other people's things: neither life, nor bed, nor opinions... I am very squeamish, I enjoy only what is mine.

Whoever you meet on your life’s path, thank him for his participation in your destiny. Whether it was an episode or for life, no person comes into the life of another by accident.

A person should always be happy, if happiness ends, look where you went wrong.

One man was happy all his life. He smiled and laughed all the time, no one ever saw him sad. It happened that one of the people asked him various questions about this: - Why are you never sad? How do you manage to always be joyful? What is the secret of your happiness? To which the person usually answered: “I was once as sad as you.” And suddenly it dawned on me: this is MY choice, MY life! And I make this choice - every day, every hour, every minute. And since then, every time I wake up, I ask myself: - Well, what will I choose today: sadness or joy? And it always turns out that I choose joy :)

There comes a moment in life when a woman suddenly clearly understands that no one needs her. And this is not at all “pushing yourself up” in front of a young man, not a way to beg a new gift from your parents, and not “girl talk” with a friend. This is a distinct sensation that means there is emptiness and coldness in the middle. And nothing matters: having a family, children, an apartment, a car, working with a large number of colleagues... There can be a lot of everything around, but the feeling of abandonment and uselessness comes to the fore.

Why is this happening?

Quantity does not always mean quality

Very often, the reasons for such a feeling are qualitative changes in relationships, while visible, quantitative ones may not change. Therefore, it can be very difficult to understand such loneliness from the outside. Envious people begin to say that you are “mad with fat,” but in fact, profound changes are occurring in the types listed below.

• Changes in the number of friends you are interested in. This type is more typical of young girls. It so happens that at certain periods people begin to disagree in their views, hobbies, life values, and level of aspiration. Just yesterday you were one, worried about your grades together. And now: one decided to give birth to a dozen children at once, the second went abroad, and the third is constantly lost or began to tell you things that are completely uninteresting to you. You are left with a feeling of emptiness and uselessness. Heads up! Life is just beginning. At least, such a nuisance clearly demonstrates those people who are ready to stay with you forever, to share all the sorrows and joys. Perhaps this situation was given to you specifically in order to finally appreciate those people who were and will be with you - your parents, and perhaps that one friend whom you had not noticed before.
• If you are experiencing stagnation or trouble at work. Often we achieve full self-realization in the work sphere. This is great and correct. But you shouldn’t replace concepts. Work is a huge field of activity, but that’s not all. Remember how in the movie “Office Romance”? One thing cannot replace everything. The broader the interests in life, the more varied the hobbies, the greater the chances that at least one area will now be an outlet.
• If your relationships with significant people have changed. Still, most often the feeling of uselessness begins to haunt the moment when an understanding of a change in attitude on the part of a significant person begins to come, and most often - a husband or beloved man. Although such a trigger may also be relationships with children. And here the main problem is self-esteem and awareness of one’s role and place. Often a woman is ready to sacrifice herself to relationships and people. She devotes her life to arranging a man’s life or devotes herself entirely to children, forgetting that they are separate individuals, and not a continuation of her. Naturally, she wants gratitude and “constant presence” in return. Yes, she gives so much of her energy that she is unable to let go of a piece of her work. But the man begins to not appreciate this amount of attention, and the children grow up and want to build their own lives. This is how a woman begins to feel deceived and useless to anyone. And this is the most frequent and most painful experience.

What to do about it?

Ask yourself the question: “Were you happy doing everything for someone?” If yes, then this is the main gratitude for you. You weren’t actually doing good to someone else, you were doing happiness to yourself and that’s exactly what you enjoyed. So now you just need to find someone else you can do something useful: do charity work, get an animal...

And if you were deeply unhappy with what you did and did it through force, do you really want your loved ones to experience similar torment in return? Is it really possible that as a reward for the fact that you suffered earlier, you want to see how your loved one will suffer now? This is, in your understanding, true love – mutual suffering and curtailment of one’s happiness? If so, then you are doomed to feel useless. Because no one wants to endure this, except masochists, and therefore, they will try to distance themselves from you. If you really begin to understand that you would not want to cause suffering to others, you simply do not understand how to build your life differently, you should seek advice from a psychologist.

Where does this pattern of behavior come from?

In fact, the feeling of uselessness and how to compensate for it - sacrifice, begins to form in very early childhood.

Unfortunately, now parents are forced to work a lot and do not always pay the necessary attention to their child. The baby may feel unnecessary even then, not being able to simply talk or hug with someone close to her. And this can greatly influence both the self-esteem of the future woman and develop certain protective mechanisms. One of which is the mentioned variant of sacrifice in a relationship, when a girl, and then an adult representative of the fair sex, bends over backwards, as if wanting to establish herself: “look how good I am, I’m worth loving.”

Such persistent disappointments are hidden too well by our subconscious. After all, such sensations are traumatic, and therefore subject to destruction. But cognitive rethinking and destruction does not eliminate emotional traces at all. This is why such things should be worked through with a psychologist. After all, he will be the one who will be able to bring it to something more than just rational: “I’m not angry with my parents.” He will be able to bring back a little girl who will “talk” and understand her parents. And most importantly, she realizes that the point is not that they didn’t need her, but that objective reasons prevented her relatives from devoting more time to her.

What should you do?

The basic axiom says that a self-sufficient woman with good self-esteem cannot be needed by anyone, because she is needed, first of all, by herself.

Why do you need to resolve your emotional experiences at the expense of some assessment of value from others? Is it really so impossible for you to be yourself and not an attachment to someone? Even if this application has such beautiful names as mom or wife. Be yourself first. Understand where is your personal boundary, what is your integrity? Many women find this very difficult. Answering a simple question: “what would you like for yourself?” They start with the words: “I would like my husband (son, daughter, grandson) to have...” If the situation is very familiar, then this is your option. You should definitely go to a psychologist. It is important to rethink your value and personal boundaries in order to avoid even greater disappointments in the future.

If you don’t want to “raise up the past” now and you’re not ready to rethink your boundaries, there is other advice - just become needed again. There are a lot of people in the world who need help. Moreover, an open, joyful and active person cannot help but attract more and more new acquaintances. Whereas a gloomy, problematic and “prickly” person is unlikely to arouse the desire to communicate. Be an eternal ray of light. Successful people never show that it is difficult and bad for them. Because a problem leads to another problem. On the contrary, the example of the richest and most popular personalities today encourages us not to be afraid of dangers, never to lose our dignity and never to complain.

New hobbies and interests also help a lot. And, of course, trips, especially active ones associated with physical activity. The fact is that the feeling of uselessness causes additional discrepancies in the human body. Imagine that a person repeats out loud that no one needs him. Consequently, no one needs these arms, legs, head, internal organs. How can the body “not be offended” by such things? Of course not. So it turns out that the accompanying experiences can be chronic pain, troubles with the gastrointestinal tract and many other problems that we do not even associate with a psychological basis. Movement and pleasant experiences help combat these symptoms. The body moves, positive emotions cause the body to produce the appropriate hormones. And a living organism does what more than one machine is capable of - it self-heals.

In conclusion, I would like to give an example when a small child approaches a girl crying on a bench and asks: “Auntie, why are you crying so bitterly?” And she answers: “because no one needs me!” To which the kid is very surprised and says: “Why did you ask everyone in this world, even me?”

Uselessness is a personal perception of your situation and a personal assessment of your experiences, therefore, it is extremely subjective. Be necessary to yourself, appreciate and take care of yourself. This is not selfishness, this is the best way out of similar situations.

First of all, you need to understand that loneliness and despair are just temporary states with negative emotions. In fact, feeling needed and not so lonely is quite simple. You just have to turn your face to other people and do something nice for them.

Seek help from other people

Quite rarely it can happen that a person has no family or friends at all. Rather, it is a terrifying exception to the rule. Therefore, if you still have relatives or friends, then in a difficult situation you should definitely contact them and tell them about what is tormenting you. If you sincerely ask them for help, they will definitely help you. During this difficult period of life, it is worth forgetting all past grievances that may have accumulated against loved ones and friends, and remember how happy you were with them in the past. These are not strangers, they know you better than anyone else, so in a state of depression from loneliness, it is best to turn to them.

Communication with a psychologist is another option to understand your own problems, talk it out and get professional advice. You can contact the psychological helpline by phone or make an appointment.

A good option would be to make new acquaintances, both in the real world and on the Internet. It is impossible to imagine that out of such a huge number of people, at least someone would not respond to your request to communicate and would not accept you for who you are. For more successful communication, you need to contact groups of people who are close to you in some way: go to the library or bookstore if you like books, go to a match if you are a sports fan. This type of search for new acquaintances can be a good way to defuse the situation, and it is also a great way to find someone who will understand you.

Become needed by someone yourself

If ways to make new friends are not suitable or you still cannot find the right person, try helping people. This is one of the best options to feel needed by someone. You can help in animal shelters, nursing homes, hospices, orphanages, and homeless shelters. You can participate in volunteer events to clean up the city or raise money for treatment. Any help will be needed by others and will help them feel better.

Ultimately, you can get yourself a pet or even adopt a child. After all, there is no one more faithful than a furry creature and no one more important than a child. It is impossible to feel unwanted with them.

Date: 2015-03-07