Patience is an important quality of every person. Where to “pick up” patience and who needs it? Patience - does it always help us in life?

Patience is such a useful human ability, characterized by the ability to remain calm under unforeseen, changing circumstances. This quality also helps you to tolerate normally what you don’t agree with or to “cheer up” in the face of negativity that is beyond your control. this moment state of affairs. Wise people, taught by life, come to patience when they have to accept external or internal factors as such. How to learn to endure? You need to be able to show emotional and spiritual maturity.

The benefits of patience or why you need it

In an unpredictable life, it doesn’t hurt anyone to have patience, because so often it’s not enough to worry about things that unsettle you. And when there is nowhere to draw strength, internal, previously hidden reserves in the form of patience rise from somewhere deep and help to become stronger.

How to develop patience - good question, but let’s first see what it’s for. So, the benefits of patience:

Steadfastness.
The ability to “jump over your head.”
Extra strength.
bustle and worries.
With patience comes hope for a brighter future.
You and anger.

Patience is well developed by the practice of communicating with different people. Due to the imperfection of the world in which we live, it is extremely useful to develop patience towards other people. You can stop lecturing them; anyway, empty criticism only leads to anger and resentment, and not to constructive changes. Together with an adequate attitude towards others, you increase tolerance towards yourself and do not “give up” at the slightest difficulties.

How to develop patience and endurance

In order to learn to wait and endure, you need to learn a few simple rules:

If the moment comes when your endurance is about to fail you, do not rush to “explode”. Count to ten (up to twenty in particular) difficult cases), and then react. Discontent and anger will remain, but will no longer be as “seething.”

The energy of denial or rejection overwhelms you, but “pouring” these emotions out is unacceptable? Then get busy physical exercise. This will allow you to channel some of the “explosive wave” of your impatience into a more useful direction.
Make it a habit to do the “” exercise at every opportunity.

The essence of the exercise: imagine what happened before the event that bothers you, think about what led to it. Answer the question: how many billions of people lived before you and will live on earth after you? Understand that they probably experienced difficulties too. Although they were different from your specific problems of incontinence, the internal meaning is the same: we all function, perform actions that become momentarily important for us, but mean nothing after a short period of time and looking at the problem “from the height of our years.”

Notice how you are burdened by unfulfilled tasks abandoned halfway. Try not to let this happen.

Try to practice breathing exercises. There are several methods for performing such gymnastics: with special apparatus, belly breathing without a device, with a stopwatch or music.

How to develop patience with training like this? It’s very simple: gradually and calmly follow all the recommendations indicated in the description of the breathing technique. Within a week or two you will feel changes. In addition, improve your health, because breathing techniques trigger healing mechanisms by increasing carbon dioxide in the body and stopping the so-called overoxidation of cells (oxygen poisoning).

Every day, if possible, monitor your intermediate results of working on yourself. If you succeed, praise yourself, because you deserve it.
Do something you love at least a couple of hours a week if you are too busy. A satisfied person will not lose.
Do not forget to monitor your physical health and maintain it in every possible way: healthy and happy man will not lose his temper over trifles.

Patience is good for developing a militant attitude towards working on oneself. Perceive intolerance as a defeat, then every time the prerequisites for losing patience arise, say to yourself: “No, I won’t give up!”, “You won’t take me that easily!”, “I will overcome everything,” “I can do everything.” Feel like a warrior, overcoming difficulties and strengthening your spirit and endurance in battle with yourself. You will be surprised at the pleasant sensations that arise the moment you win your first small victory over incontinence. You will immediately want to win again and again.

It’s hard to just start, to believe in yourself, that you can handle this. Never say “I can’t.” When you make such a statement, you really can't. Let the thought fly ahead of the matter: yes, you really can’t learn to be patient right away, but you need to make an attitude: “I can stop being nervous!”, “I can do more!”, “I can handle anger,” and so on. Then the rest of the body, together with the consciousness and subconscious, will not be able to resist such pressure.

The subconscious guides us, but only while we are hiding from awareness of the present state of affairs, from the truth, and lying to ourselves. When you look reality in the eye and know exactly (but without judgment) your shortcomings or what you still need to work on, the agreement of all internal and external processes will come, and impatience will go away. After all, impatience is associated with misunderstanding and rejection, which you will no longer have.

How to develop patience: alternative options

Additional tips and ideas for practicing patience:

After all, to practice you need a huge amount of calm and patience, which is something Western people lack so much.
Go to a long opera in three or four acts if you are not a fan of this art form.
and a way to feel like a changing part of a huge, seemingly fussy world. Try practicing on your own or sign up for appropriate meditation courses.

Remember what the postman Pechkin said: “Why was I angry? Because I didn’t have a bicycle”? So you definitely need to find this “bicycle” of yours, that is, a business, hobby, passion that you like to do. It’s not scary if you need to spend time and energy on this activity, which you don’t have left after a hard day at work. Remember that the best rest is a change of activity. There will be much more benefit from spending effort on playing sports or modeling airplanes, for example, than from “relaxing” on the sofa, which does not bring real relief from the oppression of problems.

Grief over failures pushes self-development back, so instead of wasting your internal energy on self-flagellation, analyze what happened. Until the cause of the failure is found and eliminated, do not expect progress. The error that caused the failure will occur again. Show yourself respect and calmly analyze your behavior according to the following scheme: “cause and effect”. Think about and remember the link where the mistake was made. Now you will prevent the same mistake in the future, which is another small step to the goal.

To the question “How to develop patience and endurance?” There is no one answer for everyone, because the problems are diverse, which means the solutions are also different. If something constantly puts you out of balance, then the first thing you need to do is figure out what exactly and why. After all, if you by force of will holding back, this is not patience, but violence against yourself. It is much easier and more correct to eliminate the cause than to constantly fight its manifestations.

Patience is a wise force that allows you to overcome problems and difficulties that arise in life. Also, patience is the willingness and ability to pay the necessary price to obtain the main prize (cherished goal). The power of patience for a worthy person should replace breakdowns, weaknesses, retreats, and also replace self-abuse.

Let's look at everything in order: What is Patience? When is patience justified and when is it not? What is the power of Patience? And what are the mistakes of Patience?

What is Patience? The power of patience

Patience can be internal and external:

Inner patience – this is the volitional overcoming of internal problems: weakness, reluctance, etc. Internal patience allows you not to break down, withstand critical loads (follow the plan, schedule) and achieve the Goal on time. But such efforts must be justified.

Patience is realized not through thoughtless violence against oneself (suppression), but through correct commands self-control, the ability to switch oneself from negative to positive, due to the inclusion of energy sources ( inner strength) and its recruitment (elimination of impotence, weakness, restoration).

Also, patience presupposes the ability to extinguish internal disturbance: uncontrollable desires, negative emotions and even pain, through the efforts of the will. Moreover, the ability of the will is not suppression, but rather the ability to turn off in your mind what is not needed (resentment, laziness, etc.) and accordingly turn on what is needed (light, morale, activity, etc.) .

External patience – the ability to calmly wait or actively overcome external obstacles. External patience is achieved by the power of motivation - this is the significance of the Goal for a person (worth it, ready for anything). Also, external patience is revealed in a person when he has an understanding of the laws and principles of success - the higher the Goal, the more effort needs to be put in to achieve it.

Overcoming obstacles – any external negativity and difficulties: criticism of people, conflicts, complexity of circumstances, unfavorable conditions, etc. Correct coping is maintaining composure and a positive state, thinking and acting effectively.

Expectation– the ability to calmly and with dignity accept what does not depend on you, and when the conditions arise, to instantly use these opportunities.

Mistakes of Patience

Unjustified patience– mistakes of overcoming: relying on violence against oneself and self-destruction (exhaustion, breakdown, illness, etc.) Instead of the necessary spiritual efforts to gain energy, restore, and get in shape.

In case of uncontrolled negativity, in order to calm down and restore a positive state, it is recommended to urgently leave the situation (abruptly stop communication, etc.) to restore the mental and energetic state (put emotions under control, etc.).

Mistakes of Patience– lead to unnecessary suffering (failures,) and losses (lost opportunities) due to naive assumptions that you can achieve the goal without much effort, or because of laziness,

The patience of a man and a woman manifests itself differently in family life. Therefore, we apparently need to understand this issue in order to develop this quality in ourselves.

The Vedas say that in family relationships The main responsibility is patience with the shortcomings of loved ones. To become successful, it turns out that a person does not need to study the practices of NLP (neurolinguistic programming), but to become humbler than a tree. What does “more patient than a tree” mean? The tree has a very patient life, no special choice, because a person can bring a dog and it will dig for something there; can drive a nail, hang a horizontal bar for himself; can carve “Vasya was here” with a knife. A man can scream, hit the table with his fist, because he doesn’t understand how this can make a woman feel terribly bad out of the blue. The man can't understand. He can only allow it. And having allowed this, instead of showing aggression, he simply sits and endures. He makes such a choice, he can, because he is not a tree. And this is not simple stupidity, but a desire to develop such a quality in oneself, to get rid of ignorance. The Vedas say that you can increase patience mainly by performing asceticism, because asceticism is a voluntary limitation of oneself in something. Voluntarily. That is, if a person simply endures because fate limited him, then this is not voluntary, and therefore does not have cleansing and strengthening powers.

A woman should also be patient with her husband's shortcomings, but she has the right to be constantly worried. She can get tired at any moment and say “I’m tired and won’t do it.” A woman should show her emotions, not hold them back. But this does not mean that she should not take anyone into account, become capricious, arrogant and spontaneous. A woman’s psychological stress is like the recoil of a gun. Sacrificing her energy for the well-being of her family and children, bestowal is manifested in these three aspects of her nature: cowardice, tiredness, capriciousness. And this is normal, absolutely correct, from the point of view of her nature, female nature.

And we men ask the question - if a woman's patience is not about controlling her emotions, but she needs to be allowed to practice self-control in our presence, then what? That is, we imagine what it will lead to. Anyone who has practiced can imagine what happens to women. It turns out that you need to help your spouse increase her patience resource. And what is this resource of patience? This is the chastity of a woman. A woman who behaves not coldly, but with restraint, does not provoke a man and treats her husband with care. And in this case, austerities performed in a calm state of mind are very suitable for a woman. That is, she does not forget that she is, first of all, a wife and mother and, understanding this, she calmly fulfills her duty, remaining otherwise absolutely free.

Silent means consent. Silence is gold. Are these statements really true and are patience and silence good in all cases?

Yesterday I was walking with one of my friends and an unexpected argument arose. Do I need to express my attitude to what is happening? For example, if you don't like the music your close person, then you tolerate and remain silent because he likes it, or do you need to tell him that you don’t like these sounds? How do you need to be patient? Where is the line: when is silence for good and when is it harmful?...

This is not the first time in my life this question has arisen.

Once upon a time I myself was one of those who endure, moreover, I considered it my dignity. But everything changed when I began to get rid of victimhood. When I stopped being a victim.

A friend of mine claims that you need to endure so as not to upset the other person, even if all this is extremely unpleasant for you.

I believe that there is no point in being patient, moreover, it is harmful to health, patience is pent-up emotions, and the consequences of pent-up emotions, as a rule, manifest themselves in the form of various psychosomatic disorders. Why harm your health if you can calmly state what you don’t like and find an option that suits both. Using the same music as an example: it turns out that in order to please someone else I have to endure unpleasant sounds? If this is so, then as a consequence, I will have the expectation that next time he, too, should silently tolerate what I like. How far can you go with this patience? And isn’t this the reason for resentment and quarrels with loved ones?

Where does the desire to endure in order to please come from? Here are the possible options:

1. This is the fear of losing conditional love.

2. Inability to express your desires, fear of being rejected. Inability to defend your boundaries.

3. Sacrifice.

“I endure and endure, but I’m already tired of it!” This is a common phrase from people who endure something. As a rule, it is pronounced in a raised voice. When the cup of patience runs out.

I asked my friend: “What do you think it’s like to be next to a person who cannot express his opinion, express his attitude towards something? Do you feel comfortable communicating with him, thinking: “In fact, he enjoys communicating with me or is he just being patient? Does he sincerely share my tastes or is his agreement dictated by the fact that he just wants to please? Am I really so uninteresting that I can only be tolerated?" Do you expect your opponent to also tolerate what you like and get angry if this does not happen?"

I want to stay away from such people, because communication brings joy only when it comes from the heart. And it’s much more pleasant to hear an opinion different from yours, because either you will discover something new for yourself, or you will understand that you were mistaken before, which means you will be able to correct the mistake. In any case, it will lead you to development. After all, true friendship and love do not consist in unconditionally sharing all the interests of another person, sacrificing your own. The ability to listen, express your point of view without hysterics, calmly, find an option that suits both - this is the highest aerobatics in relationships!

I once had a conflict with my close friends. One tolerated me, the other, as it turned out, tolerated me. And it had to happen that the three of us went to Istanbul, found ourselves in a confined space, somewhat dependent on each other, and then the problem announced itself loudly. But only after a while, I realized what was the matter when my theory of mirrors arose, but I will definitely remember that trip for the rest of my life!

To tolerate or not is everyone’s choice, why should I be tense and guess the mood of another person? I remember how, as a child, I went crazy, trying to guess what I did wrong and why they didn’t talk to me for several days. I knew that soon the torture would end in silence and an explosion would follow, which would definitely hurt me. My parents were completely opposite about the topic of patience and I followed one or the other script, depending on how much I was afraid of losing the one in front of me. That’s why mirror people arose, so that I could see from the outside how important it is to be sincere and be able to express my opinion. By the way, it has now become much easier to communicate with friends, our relationships have reached a new level.

Patience- 1) the ability to meekly and steadfastly endure suffering and disasters; 2) the ability to persistently and continuously act in the direction of a set goal to achieve the desired result; 3) Christian virtue, characterized by a conscious, humble, resigned, complacent attitude towards sorrows and trials sent down or allowed by God, as well as the enduring of these trials and sorrows.

How is Christian patience different from patience in general?

Patience, to one degree or another, is characteristic of all people without exception. Without a person’s natural ability to endure, it would be impossible to overcome long-term difficulties, or to educate and self-educate the individual.

Unlike the natural ability to endure, Christian patience is not just a human property, but one of the most important Christian virtues. Patience as such, in moral terms, cannot be assessed either as a good quality or as a bad one.

Much depends on what it is aimed at in this or that specific case. Some endure out of necessity, some out of fear, some out of pleasure, for example, for the sake of a career. But there are other options for patience. For example, a mother, while raising a baby, endures sleepless nights; active social activist - tired of extra work, and sometimes reproaches.

Outwardly, patience as a virtue has much in common with patience in general. And this is not surprising, because it is based on the natural human ability to endure. But not only. Unlike a non-believer, a Christian knows: what, why, for what and in the name of what he is called to endure.

As is known, the main objective Christian - knowledge of God and eternal communion with God in the Kingdom of Heaven. In order to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, you must be awarded this high award, and only those who want and, most importantly, will be able to live by the rules by which God’s saints live, can be rewarded. This ability is developed by a person throughout his earthly life; it is associated with the eradication of personal sinfulness, the acquisition and cultivation of personal values.

This path is long and difficult. On the one hand, it implies a fight against temptations, including laziness, idleness, bad habits, passions, and vices. On the other hand, this is due to active opposition to a Christian both from the unbelieving people around him and from fallen spirits. This is where patience is needed. Without patience, this path is insurmountable: “with your patience save your souls” (); “He who endures to the end will be saved” (). Patience here implies both perseverance and a resigned, trusting attitude towards God.

With all the fairness of the above, it is necessary to keep in mind that the presence of Christian patience in a person does not mean that he must endure and endure everything. For example, the prophets, whose patience the Apostle set as an example (), did not put up with (were not ready to tolerate) the lawlessness that was happening: moral debauchery, idolatry, deception and oppression of neighbors. However, the most the clearest example The Lord is the Lord of patience and longsuffering for us.

Archimandrite Panteleimon (Shatov):
Some endure with anger, despair - simply because there is no choice, while others endure with hope and calm. This is Christian patience - meaningful, voluntary, for the sake of something, for the sake of someone...
Patience can be a very active action. You can endure your work and do it, no matter how hard it is. You can patiently build something, patiently engage in creativity. You can patiently get up every time after the blows of fate and go again. Patience does not mean failure. There should be no passivity in it. You don’t need to endure your sin, your attachment to some sinful pleasures, or the evil in your soul.

Proverb: “Moses endured, Elisha endured, Elijah endured, and I will endure.”

Archpriest Alexander Men:
Patience is not at all the state of cattle that endures everything. This is not humiliation of a person - far from it. This is not a compromise with evil - not by any means. Patience is the ability to maintain equanimity of spirit in those circumstances that impede this equanimity. Patience is the ability to go towards a goal when various obstacles are encountered along the way. Patience is the ability to maintain a joyful spirit when there is too much sadness. Patience is victory and overcoming, patience is a form of courage - this is what real patience is.