Established relationships between people. How to successfully build relationships with people? Secrets and rules. Formal and informal relationships

Some kind of relationship always arises between people. "Are you in a relationship?" or “I ended my relationship with him!” - this is just about these personal relationships.

Personal relationships are the relationships of people as carriers of individual cultural experience. In life, this is what people simply call: “relationships.”

Such relationships (one's own or someone else's, loved or hated) are determined by individual decisions or emotions that have developed and between. When talking about relationships with someone or something, they usually describe possibilities and limitations, desires and protests, rights and responsibilities of mutual influence.

Personal relationships are always informal. They are informal not in the sense that these are relationships without conventions and without rules, but in the fact that in addition to rules and conventions, in personal relationships there is always a moment of the personal: personal views, personal attitudes, personal emotions. Relationships are a deeper level of interaction than the level. There may be live communication, but not established relationships, and vice versa.

Well-established relationships between people are the basis of successful ones, therefore those who value success must either be able to build relationships themselves, or have people who will provide this for them. On the other hand, there is an excessive passion for relationships, not justified by interests: watch TV series with endless showdowns. People tend to engage in relationships (relationships) when they have nothing to do, no worthy cause. Business people solve problems, slackers deal with relationships: creating problems out of the blue, experiencing difficult relationships and heroically (or tragically) solving them.

In the world of relationships they are better oriented and more -, in the world of objects and in business relationships -.

What am I like in a relationship?

To understand what you are like in a relationship, it is useful to answer the following questions yourself and receive feedback on yourself:

Internally calm (anxious, blaming)
Self-respecting (doesn't believe in self-worth)
Open, trusting (hiding one’s thoughts and experiences)
Living with the soul and life of a loved one (I draw attention to myself)
Honest in conflict situations (I manipulate the facts in my favor)
Clear, disciplined (I don’t follow agreements)
Active, constructive (I run away into worries and blame problems on others)
Understanding (feeling) yourself and your loved one
Warm, soft (usually distant and cold)
Sunny, smooth (I can be dark, gloomy and angry)
Bright, varied (usually boring and gray)

Relationships and leash

A leash is a useful addition to a relationship when both are tools, necessary elements for education (children, employees, other people). A leash is cheaper and simpler, but more dangerous in the long run. Relationships are more complex and expensive, but pay off better in the future. Cm.

Through trial and error, we learn to interact with people, gain communication experience - positive or negative. It is the experience of relationships that hangs anchors on us, leaves unhealed traces-wounds, deep traumas or, as we say, “complexes.”

Relationships are the world we live in. From the very moment I open my eyes in the morning until the last moment when a thought leaves my consciousness and sleep sets in, I understand... no... I feel a constant connection with people. This connection - I-and-Other - pulsates in me with a thought, is torn from my heart by love, compressed by suffering or fear, addressed by a word, a look, a touch... They are loved ones, family and friends, distant and unfamiliar - in my thoughts, desires and actions . I am in this relationship from my first to my last breath. My existence is possible only in interaction with the Other.

The feeling of a neighbor - Another... But who is he, this neighbor who... here he is, nearby, but for some reason so far from me? And who am I to him? What does he want from me? What does he think about me? What is his intention towards me?

We look at life, at other people and do not understand either them or ourselves... We read books and magazines on psychology, immerse ourselves in religions and esotericism... Suddenly, at some point, we begin to think that finally after the twenty-first a cupboard of books read and two years of wandering through coaches, we have unraveled the mystery of the human soul, well, or, at least, we are somewhere very close... And so until the next unsuccessful experience, followed by further disappointments, melancholy, hysterics, suffering - and nothing A psychologist alone cannot help us.

Relationships in a couple, family, group, society... Is it possible to comprehend everything that is needed for ideal interaction with all the people we meet on the path of life? Psychology of friendships, psychology of work relationships, psychology of teenage relationships, psychology of virtual relationships, finally! We set them up, create them, hold them, are tormented by them and endure them, suffer, want to break them, suffer or enjoy them. And all because we want to rejoice and enjoy life. It's all very simple! Do I need too much? Just be happy and see other people happy! I want there to be meaning in life, I want to know why and what for, to understand the purpose and intent... Is this possible?!

The key is self-knowledge, understanding yourself, and therefore other people. How to build harmonious relationships with yourself, in a couple, family, group, society? How to unravel the wisdom of the psychology of emotional relationships? It's simple - you need to understand and see a person, his desires, thoughts, intentions that lead to actions. It seems to us that all people are the same. Hence the misunderstanding, disappointed expectations, broken lives...

We are different: collective and individual - vector of interaction

We are different in our sameness: it provides the only scientific system of measures in its obviousness and observability, which reveals the psyche of each person. Eight measures - eight vectors - eight characters. In mixtures they form a complete personality. Each character is determined by a group of desires that guide a person’s behavior in various situations.

In system-vector psychology this is possible - awareness of oneself and understanding of the Other. And this is the basis of mutual understanding and harmonious relationships. Systems thinking allows us to interact with people in the most complementary way, that is, understanding our own and their characteristics. - these are thinking trainings, when a person first begins to realize what he is thinking, and to see what thoughts and intentions control the behavior of another person...

The main source of pleasure and suffering is the Other. More precisely, it is the relationships we create with people and groups that, in turn, create us. Through trial and error, we learn to interact with people, gain communication experience - positive or negative. It is the experience of relationships that hangs anchors on us, leaves unhealed traces-wounds, deep traumas or, as we say, “complexes.” They grow in us through family dramas, the misfortune of our children, difficult experiences,...

On the other hand, it is the experience of relationships, interaction with other people that helps us develop, be filled with a sense of the joy of life, and see the beauty of every moment in a range of thousands of colors and shades! It is in relationships that we realize ourselves, reveal our potential and find a state of life filled with meaning. We can say that the human in a person is formed in relationships: in separation and unity with the Other - near and far.

The process of human development took place gradually, each of the vectors made its contribution to the development of humanity. The last stage was overcome by the sound measure. The sound man 6 thousand years ago first said: “I!” And this was a decisive step in the development from animal to human.

Then for the first time we felt our “I” and the “I” of another, separate from mine, opposed to me and limiting me. My neighbor... The first feeling of his neighbor is hostility. With this feeling we go out to meet the Other, fencing ourselves off from him.

And only over time, the visual vector - the visual measure that created culture and art - built emotions and feelings over animal desires and their content, “taught” all other vectors love and compassion...

And this is another revelation for the training participants - an understanding of the nature of love, its essence and roots. Philosophers, psychologists and even physiologists have ruffled many feathers and broken many hearts trying to unravel this phenomenon. With little success... System-vector psychology gives us a clear idea of this.

Only one of the vectors is capable of experiencing love and giving this feeling to the fullest - this is the visual vector. The paradoxical connection between love and fear is revealed in a surprisingly clear and obvious way during the training. Fears and phobias are what torment visual people. During the training, they naturally leave, their place is taken by compassion, love, euphoria, as evidenced by numerous reviews.

At the same time, demanding love, for example, from an anal or skin person in its pure form is simply meaningless. Each of the vectors has its own set of values, which you need to know before “starting” a relationship. Thanks to system-vector psychology, you will immediately see that, for example, this person will love beautifully, he will be a good family man and father, and Vasya, what can you do, is capable of treason, and Petya... Petya - .

And friendship!.. We mistakenly assume that everyone can be friends, just like love. And then we are surprised by betrayals, infidelity, and for this reason we become disappointed in people... Representatives of the anal vector are capable of creating friendship as a special, “brotherly” bond. For them, friendship is the highest value.

If we could immediately understand and clearly see the person with whom we communicate, we would be able to accurately determine whether we can be friends with him, whether we can expect love from him, or whether he is by nature destined for someone else. Such knowledge is provided by system-vector psychology.

We and society

Man is a collective being, and the psychology of interpersonal relationships in a team is a fundamental topic. A person finds his own purpose, his meaning precisely in the society of his own kind: "Who am I? Why am I? If I am for myself, then why am I?”. Our whole life is walking in groups...

The group as an entity is united by a certain common task. In a team, each person, from the time of the primitive pack to the present day, strives to fulfill his own role, unique in terms of tasks and requirements. The inability to fulfill it, to realize oneself, causes a person enormous suffering. The reason for this is, first of all, a lack of understanding of oneself and one’s purpose.

System-vector psychology gives an accurate idea of what tasks a person is capable of performing in a group, in what profession or position he will be successful, in what he will bring the greatest benefit and success to his team. To the extent that a person realizes his talents and abilities in a team, he is internally balanced, calm, and therefore finds personal understanding with group members.

One of the most important factors in successful, prosperous group interaction is communication. If we could correctly understand another person, his desires, intentions, see his personal characteristics, capabilities and abilities, then we would not expect the impossible from him, as often happens, we would not demand from him what he is not capable of. . This means that we would experience less disappointment, suffer less from misunderstandings, and conflicts would disappear.

Each of the vectors has its own set of values, its own desires and lacks. The training “System-vector psychology” forms in a person a special “linguistic” sensitivity, which is based on what you can see through the speech of a person’s psyche and communicate in his language, based on his value system, his needs. This is how you learn to talk to people - you understand them, they understand you.

Also, adaptation in a group and in society as a whole depends on the development of human vectors - the more developed they are, the greater the opportunities for implementation. A realized person is the happiest, his abilities and properties work, and this means that his desires are filled to the maximum, he receives satisfaction from life, sees himself in his place, feels full of meaning in life.

The psychology of relationships is very simple! It is built on self-awareness and understanding of the Other, a sense of the psychic eight-dimensional whole. Then - through systemic thinking - harmony and beauty of relationships, love and mutual understanding are possible. Just imagine groups and societies where people understand each other, where everyone perceives themselves and everyone according to their own and their real inner nature. There are no prejudices, stereotypes, false expectations and misconceptions!

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»

Friendship and good relationships are what many people dream about. Warm connections with other people bring moments of happiness and can help in difficult times. But how often it happens that we, unfortunately, cannot find a common language with people, or even communicate normally! And there are also people, after talking with whom, we literally shake with anger, hatred, indignation. What is the psychology of relationships between people? How to build good relationships in a group, in a team, with friends of your husband/wife, and even with your own acquaintances and friends? How to learn to easily make new friends and not lose old ones? Find answers to these and other questions in the text below.

How strange, at first glance, are the relationships between people that are formed: one person really impresses us and becomes a friend for life, another we don’t like at all, we don’t understand and condemn his actions, and the third one generally seems abnormal, with whom we communicate in principle is impossible, and enmity may even form between us.

Why is this happening? What is the psychology of human relationships based on? It seems that this question requires thousands of answers, because all people are different, which means that as many people there are, there are as many possibilities for building relationships between them. But it is not so. If you master system-vector thinking, it turns out that building personal relationships with other people is always predictable and fits into a constant, unchangeable system. Knowing this system, you can easily, literally at first glance, understand what to expect from a person, with whom there will be positive communication, and what to do if you meet an absolutely unpleasant person.

Psychology of good relationships

Every person is a bundle of desires. We all constantly want what will bring us joy, pleasure, happiness, big or small. The simplest animals have simple desires - they want to eat, drink, procreate, and that’s it. Man is more complex; we have many desires, not just one or two. And only the whole complex of a person’s desires determines him, that is, gives him some external manifestations: he chooses a job to his liking, gets involved in certain activities, and even listens to the radio wave and watches a program on TV only in accordance with his desires. Despite the fact that it seems that people have thousands and even millions of desires, this is not so. There are not so many of them and all of them have already been studied.

To understand well the psychology of human relationships, it is enough to study only 8 vectors - all desires are combined into an exact system.

Friendship and generally good relationships develop only between those people who are fully or partially connected by the same desires. We are also drawn to those people whose desires are complementary to ours or greater than our own. But those people who have contrary desires are unpleasant to us and we often simply do not hang out with them. And if you have to meet, for example, work in the same team, study in the same group, ride on the same bus, live in the same apartment, then this leads to tension and hostility. And, as a result, to constant conflicts, resentments, irritation, and therefore stress, psychological tension and psychosomatic illnesses.

For example, there are people for whom it is very important to have a quiet environment and they prefer silent company - these are people with a sound vector. And there are opposite people with an oral vector, who constantly talk, often very loudly, on topics that attract the attention of others. Such people are unlikely to be friends and are often in the same company.

The psychology of good relationships is to understand yourself and your desires. And also to understand others not through yourself, through your values, but directly - as they are. This means correctly assessing the situation and, at one glance, determining what kind of relationship you might have with this particular person.

Psychology of emotional relationships

The team, relationships with people are a very important aspect of any person’s life. And literally from the cradle, when the child goes to kindergarten, and until old age, when old women communicate on a bench near the house, not having the strength or opportunity to go further. It is among people that we ourselves are worth something, our lives are filled with joy and happiness. Therefore, loneliness is in no way an alternative to a real relationship.

If you can't build a good relationship, don't despair. If friends sometimes disappoint us, we quarrel with acquaintances, do not understand colleagues, etc., this is just a hint - it is necessary to understand the psychology of relationships between people.

Psychology of relationships between children and adolescents

Quarrels and discord often arise between adults and children or adolescents due to a simple misunderstanding of each other. And no matter how difficult it is to accept, very often it is the adults, and not the younger generation, who are to blame for such a sad state of affairs. We judge them by ourselves and make a mistake, because in childhood and adolescence the psychology of relationships with peers develops differently.

If you are interested in the topic of psychology of relationships between children, read these articles:

If you are interested in the topic of the psychology of teenage relationships, read these articles:

Psychology of friendships and love relationships

To build good relationships, to make friendship a pleasure, to understand the psychology of a person’s relationships, you must first understand yourself. Yes, yes, precisely in yourself, and not in others. This is especially important if you constantly meet negative characters along the way: brawlers, gossips, nervous people or sadists... They all indicate that something is wrong.

Equal always attracts equal. Developed, realized people, as a rule, are surrounded by the same characters. But if we ourselves have some anchors, problems, then we attract the same people. Thus, skin-visual people prefer to stick together when they are afraid, for example, going to horror movies or walking through the forest at night when they are scared. Such friendship does not bring real pleasure, and we stick to our comrades, rather out of nervous tension. Moreover, such communication increasingly leads into fears, phobias, and often even victim behavior, from which it is very difficult to escape. So, if a person with grievances finds another person with the same grievances, then they can sit at home and be offended until the end of their days, and the grievances will only get worse.

True friendship, good relationships with people are the greatest pleasure, and it does not arise because of problems, but quite the opposite. For some, such good relationships develop naturally. But if they are not there, you shouldn’t be upset - you can learn this.

To build relationships with people, you need to start with understanding yourself

It is very important to change yourself, understand yourself, develop, then life will seem to attract good people. It would also be good to determine at first glance who suits us in terms of worldview and life attitudes.

If you want to learn more about the psychology of relationships between people, read articles in the library. In addition, you can listen to several free, exciting lectures on psychology that take place online (the full course of lectures is paid). To register, click on this banner:

Be careful - the psychology of virtual relationships

The Internet is an amazing, new space in which you can not only find information, but also build relationships. Today there are already a lot of couples who met and spent many hours together virtually. Here we find friends, communicate on forums and social networks, exchange news and jokes. It is on the Internet that we build qualitatively new relationships, forgetting about some of the features of the psychology of virtual relationships.

There is something in relationships that we do not attach importance to, but which plays a very important role. These are smells. It is by smell that we intuitively navigate people. We say that we liked a person “at first sight,” although in fact it happened precisely “at first sniff.” Taking a closer look, we often notice with our eyes that a person is not so beautiful, but at the same time, we like him. And it also happens that a person is visually attractive, but we don’t like it at all. This is due precisely to the subtle, elusive odors that we feel, but are not aware of it.

Relationships between people are the world around us. Every day, most people on the planet have to interact with other people, enter into communication connections, and various types of relationships.

Let’s try to understand what kind of relationships exist between people, what their classification is, and what problems in connection with people’s relationships have arisen in modern society.

Types of relationships between people

The following types of interpersonal relationships are distinguished:

Friendly relations.
Dating relationships.
Friendly.
Love ones.
Destructive.
Related.
Marital relations.

This classification is based on the depth of relationships and their functions. Each type of relationship between people includes certain levels of human characteristics in the conversation and relationship. In marital and friendly relationships, the greatest such inclusion is assumed. The psychology of friendly relationships and acquaintances between people include interaction, the manifestation of only the sociocultural characteristics of the individual.

The criteria for distinguishing relationships between people are the distance between the interlocutors, the frequency of communication, its duration, and the use of role clichés.

It is worth noting that friendship relationships manifest themselves in a high level of selectivity. Misunderstandings in this type of relationship can arise if one of the partners overestimates the relationship. Such underestimation often leads to the breakdown of relationships. Destructive relationships are characterized by the cultivation and maintenance of abnormal personal characteristics and needs (hooliganism, money-grubbing, etc.).

Types of relationships between people

In addition to the types of interpersonal relationships, there are also types of relationships:

Cooperation is a relationship between individuals during which partners reach mutual agreement on specific goals, trying not to violate it as long as there is similarity in their interests.
Competition is an attitude between people, which manifests itself in the desire to achieve group or individual goals during personal confrontation.

These types and the level of expression of such relationships can determine the nature of the psychology of relationships.

The problem of relationships between people

Due to the rapid development of digital technologies, etc., problems of personal interaction have become more acute. Many people, despite the possibility of limitless communication on social networks, feel lonely. The reason for this is a change in priorities and life principles.

So, relationships between people play an important role in the life of every person. It is necessary to work every day on personal improvement in interaction with other people.

The relationships between people in the process of interaction are different:

I and the Other - We (if many things connect).
Me and Him (if there are few connections).
I and the Other are Our Own (if we contribute to the improvement of each other and want to become closer).
I and the Other are Strangers (if we make each other worse and want to move away).

These are the four types of meaningful relationships. When you say, “I would like to get to know him better,” or “I like him,” it means that you have chosen a “He’s the One” relationship.

Often relationships develop in this way: He is Ours - We are Ours - We are Strangers - He is a Stranger.

He is Ours (you like the person, you are glad to see him more often), suddenly you discover that you cannot be apart: We are Ours. However, the stronger the connections, the more dependent you begin to feel, mutual shortcomings are revealed, and the struggle for influence begins - your own elevation or the humiliation of your partner. And if your individual selves turn out to be stronger than We, then they will win, and the stage will come in the relationship - We are Strangers. You are still connected by a lot, but one feels tight, the other feels offended, so both involuntarily try to distance themselves, sometimes completely break off the relationship - He is a Stranger. Thus, the cycle has ended: growth - flourishing - withering.

Three coordinates of a significant relationship are known: We-He, Friend-Alien, You-You. They can be designated differently: “closeness-distance”, “sympathy-antipathy”, “respect-disrespect” or “distance”, “valence”, “position”.

Me and Other:

You, if he influences me more than I influence him.
You, if I influence him more than he influences me.

You and I are Ours - this is the type of relationship that is necessary to guarantee its strength. Both are open to influence, willingly meet mutual requests and desires, without demanding “to become what the other wants.” Then the relationship does not grow old or fade. In this case, life together is free from the struggle for influence, and if disagreements arise, then We turn out to be stronger than our personal selves. That is why alienation does not arise in relationships with the people who are most significant to us. Without moving to the stage of We Are Strangers, relationships continue to develop in the direction of We Are Ours. The prospects for a relationship significantly depend on the initial attitude towards establishing the community You or You, that is, the willingness to see merits (You) or imperfections (You) in your partner.

When a person feels threatened by rejection, various communication options are possible:

ingratiate yourself so that the other person does not get angry;
blame so that the other person thinks you are strong;
calculate everything in such a way as to avoid the threat;
detach yourself enough to ignore the threat, to act as if it doesn’t exist.

Ingratiating Peacemakertries to please, never argues, agrees with any criticism addressed to him. (Inside he feels like a nonentity, of no value: “I’m nothing without you,” “I’m helpless.”)

Prosecutorconstantly looking for who is to blame. He is a dictator, a master who endlessly reproaches: “If it weren’t for you, everything would be fine,” shows with all his appearance: “I’m in charge here,” but deep inside he feels: “I’m lonely and unhappy.”

Calculating "computer"very reasonable, does not express any feelings, seems calm, cool, collected, lives by the slogan: “Say the right things, hide your feelings. Don't react to your surroundings."

Disengaged man, whatever he does, whatever he says, is not related to what the interlocutor is talking about or doing. He distances himself from unpleasant and difficult life situations, tries not to notice, hear, or react to anything, but inside himself he feels: “No one cares about me, there is no place for me here,” “My existence is lonely and meaningless.”

Any of these communication models contributes to maintaining low self-esteem and a feeling of insignificance. But there is also an effective way to respond - to bebalanced, flexible.This type of communication is harmonious: the spoken words correspond to facial expression, posture, intonation, honest and open expression of one’s feelings and thoughts. Balanced communication is based on the authenticity of the feelings experienced and demonstrated. A completely different type, for example, is the blaming type, when a person, feeling helpless, demonstrates anger or hides resentment behind bravado.