“If it’s not you, it’s you”: victims and aggressors talk about how school bullying occurs. What should parents do if a teenage child is being bullied at school by classmates or teachers - instructions

In almost every class there are children who are the objects of ridicule and sometimes outright bullying by some, and sometimes all, of the students in the class. However, it is precisely in the last 30 years that psychologists and educators have sounded the alarm - this phenomenon has become so frequent, cruelly manifested and leading to serious consequences. School bullying has become even more traumatic, cynical, and cruel because scenes of it are now easily recorded on video and distributed around the school or on the Internet. According to foreign and domestic psychologists, bullying is a fairly common phenomenon in school. Up to 10% of children regularly (once a week or more) and 55% occasionally (from time to time) are bullied by classmates, 26% of mothers consider their children to be victims of bullying.

School bullying concept

School bullying, or bullying (from English. bullying- intimidation, physical and/or psychological terror against a child by a group of classmates) is a form of abuse when a physically or mentally strong individual or group takes pleasure in causing physical or psychological pain to a weaker person in a given situation.

Highlight different kinds bullying:

1) verbal (verbal) – ridicule, giving nicknames, endless comments and biased assessments, ridicule, humiliation in the presence of other children, etc.;

2) social exclusion - boycott, rejection, isolation, refusal to communicate with the victim (they refuse to play or study with the child, do not want to sit at the same desk with him, do not invite him to birthday parties, etc.);

3) physical violence - beating, hitting, slapping, slapping the head, damaging and taking away things, etc.

Usually all types of bullying accompany each other. Ridicule and bullying may continue long time, causing long-term traumatic experiences in the victim.

Like any phenomenon, school bullying has reasons, and they are related to both external factors(the situation of interaction, the characteristics of classmates, the behavior of adults), and with the personal characteristics of the children themselves involved in the situation of school bullying.

Causes of school bullying

We can't ignore biological factors , which have an indirect effect on human action.

Human instincts, in particular the attraction to aggression, according to psychoanalyst S. Freud and his followers, largely determine human behavior. According to researchers of innate behavior - ethologists, the primitive hierarchy explicitly or implicitly permeates our entire society. In relatively pure form we can observe it in many children's groups, when conscious behavioral self-regulation is not yet sufficiently developed. The easiest way to rise in the hierarchy is to humiliate those around you. The defiant antisocial behavior of some adolescents is a manifestation of their hierarchical struggle. However, no matter how strong these instincts are, their action is still refracted through the norms and rules of society learned by the child.

“I don’t understand why no one wants to be friends with me in class? They always laugh at me and call me names.”

“There is a boy in my class who is constantly being ridiculed. As a class teacher, I’m trying to counteract this, but nothing works.”

“I feel constant anxiety about my daughter when she goes to school. He returns home sometimes in tears, sometimes with torn textbooks, sometimes in dirty clothes.”

Neurophysiological characteristics, deviations in the development and functioning of the nervous and endocrine systems can lead to a high degree of irritability, emotional instability, and uncontrollable temper.

However, the most important thing for educators and parents is to understand psychological reasons occurrence of school bullying.

A child’s attitude towards school bullying, his sense of self and actions are influenced by a significant adult. Under the influence of parents, close circle, and then teachers, a child’s self-image is formed. Parents and children are in a rather complex, emotionally charged relationship: there is a place for praise and blame, pleasure and displeasure, pride and shame. It is very important how the child himself begins to interpret events associated with emotional experiences. On the basis of these interpretations, the basic life positions described by the American psychologist and psychiatrist E. Berne are developed. These positions reflect the child’s attitude towards himself, towards other people, and, consequently, his behavior.

First position: the child begins to consider himself a failure (I’m bad), and others as knowledgeable, capable, leaders (you’re good).

Second: a child can blame others for all failures, and perceive himself as a hero, a sufferer (I’m good, you’re bad).

Third: in the most difficult family situation of interaction with parents, the child may come to a position of complete denial (I’m bad, you’re bad), not trust either himself or others and not feel sorry for anyone.

The child’s behavior with peers will depend on the establishment of these positions in relation to himself and close adults. A child with the “I’m bad” attitude all the time unconsciously wants to alleviate the feeling of trouble, and this can lead to an inadequate reaction to other children: he can offend, laugh, push, i.e. play the role of the offender. The same position in other situations can lead to the role of a victim, when a child, showing his powerlessness and “badness,” provokes classmates to ridicule.

Fourth position: acceptance of the surrounding world (I am good, you are good) does not develop spontaneously, it is based on the child’s reflection on situations of communication with other people, on the analysis of his actions. Very lucky were the children who were helped by adults to show their “goodness” by creating situations where children showed themselves positively and became convinced of their importance, as well as the importance of others.

Currently, the frequency of murders and suicides among schoolchildren, as well as neuropsychiatric diseases due to school relationships, has increased.

Coming to school with his own perception of himself and others, the child begins to engage in very significant relationships for him - relationships with the teacher, which can make significant changes in his self-perception and interaction with peers. It’s great if you meet with a teacher who has a positive view of himself and other people (if the teacher has the attitude “I’m good, you’re good”). Such a teacher treats the various characteristics of children with understanding, and by his very behavior with students sets a respectful and peaceful style of communication in the children's team. In such a teacher’s class, even if episodes of school bullying occur, they remain only episodes.

However, such wonderful meetings rarely occur, since many adults remain in the position of “I’m bad, you’re good”; “I’m good, you’re bad”; "I'm bad, you're bad."

A teacher with a negative perception of himself experiences a feeling of insecurity, negatively perceives others through the prism of his stress and anxiety, and turns to an authoritarian style of communication with children as a means of psychological self-defense. A teacher with a negative perception of others views students solely as objects of influence and more often notes in them such qualities as laziness, indiscipline, inability, etc., than daydreaming, creative abilities, and the originality of the cognitive sphere.

In the book by R. Burns “Development of Self-Concept and Education,” the features of the style of interaction of such teachers with children are highlighted. These teachers will:

React negatively to those students who do not like you.

Use every opportunity to create difficulties for students, as this does not allow them to relax.

Encourage students to study by making them feel guilty for their mistakes.

If possible, build educational activities on the basis of competition.

Based on the likelihood of students being dishonest in exams.

Bringing students face to face with harsh realities adult life.

Strive to establish strict discipline.

Increase the student's punishment in proportion to his or her guilt.

Often such teachers behave excessively harshly, authoritarianly, trying to protect themselves from students by aggressiveness. Similar style behavior can provoke such a phenomenon as school bullying in a children's group.

It is important for adults to remember that unpleasant events in a child’s life are more likely to contribute to the development of hostility and aggressiveness than kindness and attentiveness. If there is a lack of love and interest for the child on the part of adults, his behavior is deformed.

Next psychological reason school bullying: individual characteristics of the child himself , his desire to assert himself and his inability to do so in a socially desirable direction can lead to unfavorable behavior. Any person reflects his dual nature: the confrontation between good and evil, base and sublime feelings. For a situation of bullying to arise, it is enough that there is at least one person in the class who is inclined to assert himself by humiliating others. And bullying is a contagious phenomenon.

It’s great if you meet with a teacher who has a positive view of himself and other people (if the teacher has the attitude “I’m good, you’re good”).

The goal of many school bullies is to establish control and dominance over others. We can say that their aggression is associated with the possibility of receiving some benefit from their position, and not with an outburst of emotions. The persecutor-offender himself does not experience strong feelings during the bullying process; he often does not even care who becomes the next victim.

The causes of bullying may be related to features interpersonal relationships between children , and bullying occurs as a settling of scores. A child playing the role of an offender experiences a feeling of hostility, behaves aggressively, and is often in a state of frustration. This condition occurs when an obstacle stands in the way of achieving a desired goal. In a children's group, this may be situations when one student does not allow another to cheat homework, does not prompt test work etc. In a teenage environment, this may be associated with refusal of friendships, with a girl’s rejection of signs of attention from a boy. In this case, we can talk not so much about targeted bullying, but about emotional relationships resulting in bullying, since the offender himself experiences strong negative feelings towards the victim: anger, resentment, envy, etc.

Therefore, it is very important that a growing person develop other ways of behaving in a state of frustration. This is, first of all, the ability to take into account the feelings of another person, as well as the ability to reassess the situation, switch to another goal, and find other ways to achieve your goal.

Aggressive behavior towards classmates may be associated with social learning , when children and adolescents learn certain patterns of behavior by observing them in their environment, in television programs. Often aggressive behavior becomes a role model. Thus, American researchers found that after watching professional boxing championships (socially approved aggression), the number of murders increases compared to the usual level.

Numerous studies indicate that children and adolescents, especially those with emotional instability, often model violent behavior shown on television in television shows and films.

As a separate reason we can name boredom .The child's inactivity at school leads to a search for acute impressions, which are often associated with the emotional reactions of offended children.

It is important to recognize the variety of causes of school bullying and understand the complex nature of this phenomenon. But the greatest importance for preventing and preventing school bullying is undoubtedly the child-parent relationship, as well as the relationship between teacher and student.

Psychological characteristics
participants in school bullying

For a psychological analysis of the situation of school bullying, it is important to consider such psychological roles as persecutor (or offender), victim, rescuer. These roles were once introduced by psychologist Karpman to clarify dramatic situations in communication between people. Around the main participants there are children who are not involved in the situation - observers.

Victim

This role for a child can be episodic, or it can be constant throughout school. Any student can become a victim of bullying. The role of the victim may have certain aspects in its origin and behavioral characteristics: black sheep, stranger, stupid, mama's boy, not like everyone else, etc. There are significant differences in the causes and characteristics of bullying between a mama's boy and a black sheep.

Let us note the characteristics of children who more often than others become victims of school bullying.

Firstly , these are schoolchildren with undeveloped social skills. Compared to those who know how to communicate, defend their opinions, and fight back against an offender, children with undeveloped social skills more easily accept the role of a victim (mama's boys and daughters). Usually this vulnerable, touchy students. If such a child begins to react strongly (screams, cries, gets angry) to the “jokes” of the bullies, then we can say that the target has been found. It’s funny and interesting for the offender to watch him; he doesn’t have to look for another victim.

Secondly , these are kids, unlike others, with physical disabilities, with distinctive behavioral characteristics, with peculiar manners and reactions (not like everyone else).

Students with behavioral characteristics are often targets for ridicule and aggression: withdrawn (introverts and phlegmatic people) or with impulsive behavior. Hyperactive children can be both victims and persecutors, and often become both at the same time.

Everything that makes a child stand out appearance from the general mass, can become an object of ridicule: red hair, freckles, protruding ears, crooked legs, body weight (fullness or thinness), etc.

A child victim may have problems interacting with others, and these may appear in adolescence, young adulthood, and even adulthood.

However, more important than external features, is the child’s ability to interact effectively in situations of bullying: a calm reaction, counter humor, the ability to fight back if necessary.

Third The risk group for bullying are schoolchildren who are often ill. They are usually outcasts of the class simply because they are rarely with others and remain eternal newcomers (strangers).

Fourth , these are children and especially teenagers with a clearly expressed own opinion, their own views and values, nonconformists (black sheep).

Offender

Bullies, the instigators of bullying, also have distinctive characteristics.

Firstly , these are children who suffer from violence in their family and compensate for their suffering by violence against the weakest in the class.

Secondly , the offenders are students striving for leadership who cannot assert themselves in school in socially acceptable ways: through studying, social activities, sports, but claim a high status in the team.

AND, Thirdly , these are children who came from families where the ideas of chauvinism, xenophobia and snobbery flourish.

It is important to note that abusers do not always want to harm their victim with their behavior. They may have their own goals: to feel their strength, to influence the situation, to form character traits that are significant for themselves.

Examples

The roles of offenders and victims are not constant, they can change: victims can become offenders and vice versa.

Matti Johan Saari, who opened fire at a school in the Finnish city of Kauhajoki and caused the death of 10 people, was a victim of school attacks, his acquaintances told the Finnish broadcasting corporation YLE.

According to one close friend of Saari, the young man dreamed of opening fire at school for years: “They constantly laughed at him and called him all sorts of names. Many considered him an unpleasant, strange and boring person." He added that Saari was also tortured in the army. He had two friends who wanted to report Saari to the police, but never did. According to them, they tried to talk to Saari about his problems, but it was all in vain. According to people who knew him, shortly before the incident, Saari made a particularly difficult and depressing impression. He allegedly said that he was going to commit suicide.

Sometimes one of your classmates takes on the role rescuer , defending the victim against the offender. However, quite often this role becomes heterogeneous, since the rescuer begins to experience the power of the pursuer, he turns from a rescuer into a victim, and sometimes simply into a victim of a given situation.

The situation of school bullying with the change of roles of its participants is classically examined in the wonderful film by Rolan Bykov “Scarecrow”.

It is very important to note the role of the situation itself, when non-aggressive and obedient children become real persecutors, without realizing their new role. The memoirs of Nadezhda Ulyanova are very revealing in this regard.

“Come on, there’s more snow for him,” shouted the flushed Irka, the bully of our common classmate. I also didn’t lag behind, finishing off Leshka with a mitten. Very soon, the whole class threw him into the snow and had a blast: we tore off his hat and buried him in a snowdrift, tore out a clump of hair, took away his gloves and, to hide it, simply beat him. Finally, the teacher, who was watching us through the window, waved her hand: “That’s enough.” Leshka didn’t cry. He frowned and looked at us angrily. I dug out my hat, collected my textbooks and went home. Irka and I stomped off in the other direction, terribly proud and pleased with ourselves. Why, they reined in a classmate. Leshka and I have had enmity since first grade; he always looked at my notebook and copied. For which he got hit on the head with a textbook.

But that’s not why the whole class turned against him. Leshka simply did not fit into the usual framework. According to our teacher, he indulged too much and interfered with the lessons. The measures taken by our class teacher did not work. She came to our school recently, and had not yet gained authority among the teachers. And Leshka in her eyes became a terrorist, undermining this authority in every possible way. And at that moment it sincerely seemed to me that our entire class was doing the right thing. And now I understand - it was real bullying.<…>Three years later, Leshka and I participated in the mathematics Olympiad. I looked at his paper, and he didn’t hit me with the textbook. On the contrary, we solved a couple of problems together.”

Consequences of school bullying

It is important to note that the situation of bullying itself leads to a distortion in the formation of children’s personality. It is a worthy position in a peer group, which gives a child and adolescent moral satisfaction, that is the main condition for normal mental development.

According to the results of a study by Norwegian psychologist Dan Olweus, a child victim may have problems interacting with others, and these difficulties can manifest themselves in adolescence, young adulthood, and even adulthood. The heroine of the film “Scarecrow” Lena Bessoltseva said in despair to her grandfather: “Will I never laugh? Has life really passed and there will be nothing more? I won’t love anyone else!”

In order not to make your child either a victim or an offender, it is important to maintain adequate self-esteem, not to humiliate, not to extol, and to try to discuss school affairs and relationships without making categorical assessments.

Most offenders often do not achieve a high degree of realization of their abilities, since they get used to asserting themselves at the expense of others, and not as a result of their own efforts.

Even the psyche of outside observers undergoes a change - they may develop a position of non-interference and ignoring the suffering of others.

Preventing school bullying

It is probably impossible to ensure that none of the children throughout schooling did not feel oppressed by peers. However, as practice shows, it is possible to significantly reduce the manifestation of aggressiveness at school.

This problem is associated with solutions at different levels: at the state level - support for educational programs; at the school level - the introduction of rules and regulations; at the class level - creating conditions for effective communication and interactions between children; at the level of the teacher’s individual behavior - attentiveness to the interaction of children and his own positive attitude with them.

In Norway, for 20 years, a program developed by the scientist Olweus has been used (and since 2001 has the status of a national priority program) to create a normal school environment: respectful, warm, with established boundaries of behavior, but without punitive consequences for violating these boundaries. The use of the Olweus program reduces the number of victims of bullying by 30–50% and reduces the level of vandalism, theft, drunkenness and truancy.

Currently, there are many programs in different countries world on preventing school bullying. All these programs have common points, such as:

regular anonymous surveys of schoolchildren about the existence of bullying;

discussion of this problem at class, school and parent meetings;

development of a code of conduct by students themselves;

increasing teachers' attention to children's behavior during breaks and in the school yard;

training teachers in bullying prevention strategies.

It is the teacher who must notice the bullying in time, understand its causes and stop it. It is very important to pay attention to working with both victims and offenders. Primary school teachers can use E.I.’s manual for preventive work. Lerner’s “I will not allow myself to be offended” on the development of confident behavior skills in children.

To prevent school bullying, as well as to develop children's empathy for other people, you can use the arts: reading literary works, watching films and then discussing them.

Eat different ways, helping the teacher normalize the situation between the participants in bullying. Having understood the reasons for this phenomenon, it is possible to include both the victim and the offender in new social roles that will give these children the opportunity to express themselves and satisfy their urgent needs for communication and recognition.

A teacher with a negative perception of himself experiences a feeling of insecurity, perceives others through the prism of his stress and anxiety, and turns to an authoritarian style of communication with children as a means of psychological self-defense.

For example, having learned that one of the instigators of constant brawls in the seventh grade was also an unspoken leader, the school director said: “Let him be the most important person on duty at the school, checking the posts.” The teenager’s behavior changed, he had a place to show himself, and from the best side.

Parents have a great role in preventing and preventing school bullying. In order not to make your child either a victim or an offender, it is important to maintain adequate self-esteem, not to humiliate, not to extol, and to try to discuss school affairs and relationships without making categorical assessments. It is necessary to consider the behavior of the child and his classmates from different positions, teaching the ability to stand on another's place, feel his feelings and at the same time helping him learn to regulate his actions, not succumb to provocation, say “no”, if necessary, seek help from adults. After all, very often the most terrible episodes of school bullying take place either in the school itself or near it, and the victim suffers beatings and humiliation, embarrassed to attract attention to himself.

It is especially important for parents to be sincerely interested in their child’s activities in the classroom, his roles in class affairs, relationships with classmates, teachers, older and younger children. They should not dismiss problems that arise in the child’s interaction with peers as insignificant and frivolous. Such insensitivity on the part of loved ones can lead to tragedy. Currently, the frequency of murders and suicides among schoolchildren, as well as neuropsychiatric diseases due to school relationships, has increased.

The problem of school bullying is serious and significant, the variety of reasons for this phenomenon is great: from the characteristics of upbringing and the external situation to individual characteristics children and unmotivated aggression.

It is very important that school bullying does not become a typical phenomenon, and that aggression is not viewed as a norm of behavior. After all, there is still hope that the plastic psyche of children, the developing self-awareness of adolescents and the wisdom of adults will help overcome the consequences of inadequate roles that many people deliberately or forcedly play in their childhood and teenage lives.

When a child enters new team, then he comes under the close attention of his peers. Teasing and ridicule are quite common in children's culture.

This is how children test newcomers’ strength, train their wit, and develop their own authority at the expense of others.

A victim who is bullied and teased with impunity as a child develops the image of a loser as an adult. If a child does not learn to cope with teasing, it will haunt him throughout his life.

The child must resolve this situation on his own. It is only in your power to help him with useful advice, since your direct intervention or the intervention of a teacher can only worsen the situation. This will have no effect on the offenders, but will only lower the child’s status at school.

The most common advice that parents give - to fight back or not pay attention - is fraught with danger. This danger lies in the fact that the child initially develops primitive reactions, and it will be very difficult for him to adapt to verbal attacks in the future.

To teach a child to survive in an aggressive society, you must instill in him effective communication skills from the very beginning.

In children's and adolescent disputes, qualities that are so necessary for success in life are developed: resourcefulness; logic of argumentation; resourcefulness; fast reaction; persistence in evidence; masterful use of words; resistance to emotional stress of conversation. At the same time, it is important to understand that being able to argue does not only mean mastering the logic of reasoning. You also need to be able to “butt heads” using words.

Now I will teach you one technique from the course “Psychosuppression. The Art of Winning Tough Negotiations”, which will allow your child to resist ridicule and teasing very effectively.

Technique: Substitute Thought Attack

A mental image is figurative phrases, words and expressions that create vivid associations in the minds of listeners. They are used to block, seize the initiative, attack, for defensive purposes, to create a comic effect, to avoid answering, and also simply to confuse the interlocutor for fun.

The essence of the technique is as follows: whoever sets the direction of the conversation wins. Whoever answers loses.

If you focus on the clue and the image it carries when answering that clue, you will lose. To win a verbal skirmish, you need to ignore the mental image of your interlocutor and ask a new mental image.

Examples:

1. – Why are you barely muttering there?

“The others can hear me normally.” Maybe you have hearing problems?

2. – Why are you silent?

- They say it’s better not to anger psychos...

3. - What, are you scared?

– Clowns don’t scare me...

4. – You’re a fool.

- Where did you see the fool? Is it in the mirror? So you look less like him...

Using a substitute mental image has the greatest effect when there are many witnesses around. If the opponent cannot quickly find a worthy answer, he will show everyone his problems with a sense of humor. If he was the informal leader of the group, then he may lose his status, and his authority to boot. After all, intelligence, intelligence and a sense of humor are important qualities for a leader.

Therefore, if your child gets caught in such a way, you need to be able to get out of it quickly! If he freezes at the lead or begins to be rude, this means that he was hurt, and under no circumstances should you show this.

By responding to a lead with a lead of the same type, without adding mental images, you lose.

Examples:

1. – Where did you study to be a clown?

- Do you know anything about clowns?

- There’s no need to understand here - you just have to look at you...

2. The person says something.

- What?

-Have you washed your ears?

-Have you washed your eyes? (the guy loses)

The correct answer is:

- What?

-Have you washed your ears?

- What are you, a speech therapist? (new mental image).

In order to turn the lead around, it is necessary and sufficient to expand the image that the opponent creates with his phrase, or replace it with a new image.

If a person does not understand that they are mocking him, and answers the lead seriously, then he shows others that you are smarter than him.

For example, a guy teases his classmate:

– You didn’t spend the night at home again?

- Why do you think so?

“Your clothes are the same as yesterday!”

What happened? The guy asked a mental image - “she was not at home.” She didn't take it as a lead, but as a question, and didn't turn it around, but answered it.

In response, he made fun of her.

How was she supposed to get out? It was necessary to expand the mental image!

Add something or turn it over.

For example:

– You didn’t spend the night at home again?

- Oh, so it was you who woke up my neighbors under the window all night yesterday!

To the mental image “she was not at home” we added “he waited for her all night like a sucker.”

Developing your child's effective communication skills

In order to teach a child to communicate with peers, it is necessary that he has several “blanks” in his pocket. For example, phrases on how to start an acquaintance: “Hello, my name is Misha! And what is your name? Would you like some cookies? I can treat you!”

You can effectively teach a child to communicate with peers by presenting him with problematic situations for which he must find a way out:

– Your friend took your toy without permission. What will you do?

– One guy in our yard constantly laughs at you and teases you, calling you lop-eared. What will you do the next time you hear this?

“The boy you’re playing with suddenly picked you up and pushed you.” You're in pain. What will you do?

When you have options for solving these problems, discuss them with your child and gently guide him to right decisions if he answered some questions incorrectly. After some time, the child himself will learn to get out of difficult life situations with dignity.

It also doesn’t hurt to practice verbal battles at home: “if he tells you..., then you tell him...”.

The more options are discovered, the greater the chance that the child will use one of them to resolve the brewing conflict.

Base of attacking mental images

You can teach your child the following phrases so that he can adequately counterattack his bullies in verbal altercations.

These are the phrases:

– Do you believe in this yourself?

– He turned on his legs and jumped back quickly!

- If you inject yourself with Red Bull, you will become faster

– How long has this question been bothering you?

– Don’t even come near me, I’m busy!

– If I need your opinion, I will definitely ask you

– If a person is bitten by a vampire, he becomes a vampire! It feels like you were bitten by a sheep

– One more word and you’ll smile with your gums!

- We're being watched. We'll talk tomorrow

– You have the last word. I just ask - clearly and without nonsense

– Forgot the correct answer? It's okay, you'll remember soon

- Shut your mouth - you'll catch a cold!

– And how soon do such thoughts come into your head?

-And how do you live with it?

– Is that all you can say? You can do better. Try again

“What’s your name, you horrible creature?”

- Nod if you understand. That's it, see you again

-Who makes you say these words?

- Who do you work for?

- Watch your mouth. Diseases enter through it

– Don’t worry, I forgot your name too

– Don’t make me nervous, I have nowhere to hide corpses

– Don’t drink so much, you look bad

- Don't bubble

– Don’t laugh, you’ll tear your mouth apart

– Don’t touch my strengths with your shortcomings

– If you don’t want scary answers, don’t ask me strange questions

– Don’t joke with my time

- Not a bad question, but why are you asking it?

- No, but your eyes say yes, especially the left one.

– What else were you afraid to ask me?

- Spicy! I even cut myself!

– Prodigy's Answer

– Where does this stupid confidence come from?

- Shut up, victim of a drunken midwife!

- Correct the hernia, otherwise it’s falling out a lot

- Get lost in horror!

– You will open your mouth at the dentist!

- Get into the fog and hide behind a cloud

- Do something to make me respect you

- Tell yourself “stop”, please!

– You weren’t dropped as a child, you were thrown

- Now you'll have nightmares

– You are a riddle that cannot be heard to the end

– Do you know that you urgently need a doctor?

- While you're thinking, I'll tell you a funny story.

– You wounded me in the heart, like the Snow Queen

– Have you lost the list of who they are afraid of?

“Your head is brewing like a moonshine still.”

- Good luck with your nefarious plans

-Are you leaving? Why so slow?!

- Be rude to me - Bad sign!

- Stop rustling the bag at me

- Pretend to be human for once

- Why are you sitting there, not catching mice?!

– Why are you standing there batting your eyes?

- I would like a son like you

“I’ve only been so surprised once in my life, when I was born.”

- I’m not the last bastard, there were two more behind me.

- I will take your wishes into account. Do not cough.

The more such pearls your child has in stock, the less the children around him will want to try to tease him.

After all, images are sticky, and if your child finds a successful response to an attack directed at him, then his opponent may well receive a nickname for years to come.

MOSCOW, Feb 2— RIA Novosti, Irina Khaletskaya. A rural school in the Sverdlovsk region became famous throughout Russia. It's all because of the teacher's tyranny. The class teacher presented the students with certificates, but immediately took away the gratitude from one of the schoolgirls. The girl’s parents did not hand over 300 rubles for the needs of the class - this is how the teacher justified her actions, and publicly. The incident happened before the New Year, but became public only now. Now local authorities are handling the case, and the girl is forced to visit a psychologist.

Bullying (bullying - editor's note) has long been common in schools. Both teachers and teenagers are bullied. However, there is control over this. On by example this was proven by Muscovite Natalya Tsymbalenko. Having learned that her son was being bullied by his peers, she raised everyone up - from the school management to the police and the prosecutor's office. As a result, the child was left behind and silence reigned in the classroom.

How parents can protect their children from bullying in an educational institution - in the material of RIA Novosti.

"Olya, return the diploma"

Anastasia Nagovitsyna is raising two children. The eldest daughter Olya is in fourth grade. She never had problems at school. However, on the last day of school before the New Year holidays, the girl came home in tears.

It turned out that the class teacher decided to give symbolic gifts to the children and deliberately ignored the girl. “In front of the whole class, the teacher said that there was nothing for Olya, because she did not donate 300 rubles for the needs of the class,” says the mother.

After this, Anastasia recalls, the teacher began handing out certificates to the children, including giving them to Olya. “But then she stopped short and said: “Oh, Olya, you didn’t hand over the money, give me back the diploma!” And she added that the school, they say, doesn’t have enough paper, and since they didn’t pay the money, don’t expect any gratitude. The daughter thought that the teacher was joking, left the certificate on the desk, but then put it in her briefcase. The teacher still forced the child to give the piece of paper," continues Anastasia.

This unsettled the girl. According to the parents, the daughter refused to go to school and said that she was humiliated in front of her classmates. Now she has to see a psychologist. But all conversations on this topic still end in tears. Typically, the teacher did not apologize to the family.

When Nagovitsyna wrote about what happened on social networks, the media picked up the story. The Education Department conducted an inspection and reprimanded the teacher. disciplinary action. Everything could have ended there, but the class teacher, explains Anastasia, torments the girl with reproaches.

"She told her that she was not afraid of any reprimands. It turned out that not only my daughter did not receive a gift. Several other students were deprived. In addition, in November, one mother asked the director to influence the teacher. The absurdity of the situation is that the teacher talks about money for the needs of the class not to parents, but to children,” Anastasia is indignant. She would be glad to transfer her daughter to another educational institution, but in the village there is only one school and one fourth grade.

“Other parents are silent. They are afraid that they will begin to spread rot on their children. Many mothers wrote to me and said that I was great - I was not afraid,” says Nagovitsyna.

State Duma deputy from the Sverdlovsk region Dmitry Ionin joined in resolving the conflict. He brought to school several packages of paper, which Olya’s class teacher was so lacking. The parliamentarian really wanted to talk to the director, but did not find her at work - she left for Yekaterinburg in a hurry after calls from the media began.

“I believe that such a teacher does not have the right to work with the class. Unfortunately, this is not an isolated case. However, parents should not remain silent, they must immediately contact the relevant authorities!” — Ionin commented on the situation to RIA Novosti.

Children won't decide for themselves

Usually, students at school are bullied by their classmates. Many psychologists in articles on bullying draw attention to the fact that teachers do not notice the problem until the very end: cruel children behave diligently in the presence of adults. In addition, some parents believe that the child himself is to blame. If you can't get along with your classmates, that's your problem, figure it out yourself.

Few people think that it is not so much the cruelty of children, but the reluctance of teachers to influence the situation and intervene in time.

Muscovite Petya Tsymbalenko moved to another school in the fifth grade and fell under a hail of ridicule from his peers. His mother Natalya recalls: there was never a reason for bullying as such, it was just that a core of “cool” people formed in the class, who clung to the “uncool” ones.

Petya was pestered the least, while the other boys suffered more. According to Natalya, their personal belongings were damaged, bottles of urine were placed in their briefcases, and their pants were pulled down in the locker room. All this was filmed on a phone camera and then posted on social networks.

“The children asked for help from the class teacher. But the teacher is a non-conflict person, she put the brakes on everything, said that “they don’t like informers”, “you need to strengthen your character” and “be able to find an approach to your comrades”. The maximum that she could do was — hold conversations on the topic “let’s live together,” says Petya’s mother.

Natalya did not interfere for a long time, but just in case, she hired a personal fencing trainer for her son and hand-to-hand combat. This helped partly - Peter was no longer afraid to fight, the “cool” guys left him behind and switched to his best friend Misha. The boy was "conned out of money." “His classmates persuaded him to buy a vape from them, took the money and did not give it back,” explains Tsymbalenko.

After this, Natalya realized that she would have to deal with the problem herself. She decided to show officials, teachers and law enforcement officers what was going on at the school. She described each step in detail on social networks so that other parents would know how to behave in a difficult situation. In fact, her post is real life hacks for moms and dads.

Anti-bullying. Lifehacks

The first thing she did was meet with the parents of students who were being bullied in class. However, some were afraid to do anything, others were going to transfer the child to another school. “In the end, there were three mothers left who were ready to act. I removed my emotions and sat down to write a detailed collective statement in dry bureaucratic language. It turned out to be more than 20 pages,” recalls Natalya.

According to her, there were only two facts to which evidence could be attached. The first is the correspondence of the participants in the story with electronic cigarette and the account of a classmate who trades them. The second is photos of Petya on social networks, where biceps and abs were drawn on him. Classmates were having fun in the comments: Peter “began to swing.”

Tsymbalenko asked the class teacher for a meeting with the school principal and parents of students who bully classmates. The teacher, says Natalya, wrote in the parent chat that she was abandoning the class, but never scheduled a meeting with the director. She claimed that she was very busy, so she would call a psychologist and a social worker to the meeting.

“Three mothers, my husband and the parents of the “holy children” came to the meeting. They got personal, shouted: “You won’t prove anything!” I advised saving this phrase for the prosecutor’s office, which will come based on my application to check why the school is inactive when within its walls they sell smoking mixtures. School representatives rolled their eyes and said: “What a nightmare, why were you silent before,” says Petya’s mother.

"See you in court!"

The conflict lasted two years. Tsymbalenko and other parents of “uncool” children stalled for the longest time at the stage of conversations with the class teacher. Natalya herself called the school principal and was surprised to find out that she still did not know about the meeting or about the situation in the class in general. “Cool” was afraid to inform the director about the problem, Tsymbalenko believes. During this time, several children left school, unable to bear the bullying.

Natalia sent her application to email school, and also to the chairman of the school’s governing council, she took it to the administration of her district and to the commission on juvenile affairs, which the head of the administration also heads. She also wrote to the mother of the student who drew photoshops, asking for a meeting before she sued them.

“I was sent to hell with the words: “I’ll meet you in court!” Nevertheless, I decided to go to the end: if I was to leave school, then with victory, and not with a feeling of victim. We talked to my son. He didn’t want to leave, including because of Misha’s friend,” explains Natalya.

In the classroom, we held a meeting with the juvenile affairs inspector and spoke separately with the parents of the students whom Tsymbalenko indicated in the collective statement. The money was returned to the deceived Misha and an apology was made. And the student who sold vapes was registered.

“About the cartoons, my mothers muttered: “We didn’t know that you could be put on trial for this.” No one expected that I would not take part in “parental battles”, but would go the bureaucratic route of letters and complaints. But everyone immediately remembered the culture , now they stop those who want to draw photojabs and no one bothers those around them anymore,” Natalya clarifies.

While she was writing statements and going to authorities, the “cool” teenagers bullied their classmates even more. But Petya and the other children, despite their fear, attended classes regularly. “The offenders wanted to meet the guys after school, they threatened. My husband picked Petya up from school. If the threats were even a little closer to reality, I would have hired a bodyguard,” says Tsymbalenko.

In the end, there was agreement among teachers, students and parents in the classroom. “This situation is largely my fault: I didn’t intervene for a long time, I listened to the class teacher and parents that “the children should figure it out themselves,” Natalya sums up.
Now she is sure: even if there were no obvious evidence of bullying of her son and his friend, she would still go to the school director and the juvenile affairs inspectorate, write to the education department, without waiting for “weighty” facts.

Natalya Tsymbalenko’s post, meanwhile, collected thousands of “likes” and hundreds of comments. Parents actively share her life hacks on how to overcome bullying on their pages.

HOW TO AVOID BULLYING AT SCHOOL?

Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Bullying at school begins in the first grade, reaches its peak by the age of fourteen, and already in high school children grow up and everything subsides. Or maybe the most aggressive ones don’t end up in the tenth grade? This situation first came to public attention when the film “Scarecrow” was shown, and nowadays they talk about it and create programs almost every day. But what has changed? Nothing, only the bullying has become harsher, and children are more vulnerable, their psyche suffers, which leads to suicide.

How to prepare a child so that when he comes to school he does not become a victim or a tormentor? And what should you do if your son or daughter is the target of bullying? Some questions, let's figure it out and maybe ours useful tips will help you overcome bullying.

Bullying, like a contagious disease, is creeping around the world; every day more and more cases of violence against classmates are becoming known. Moreover, all the bullying is filmed by children and then shown to their peers and posted on the Internet. A normal person, seeing this, will say that these are sick children and he will not be mistaken.

Around the world, school violence is a focus great importance, special programs have been developed to prevent such cases. Such programs have been created in the UK, Canada, the Czech Republic, and Australia. They operate successfully and bear fruit. In our country, the level of violence at school exceeds that in Asian and European countries. Therefore, parents have to decide this issue themselves and protect their children on their own. Of course, it is unlikely that it will be possible to completely eradicate bullying at school as long as violence flourishes in society. However, parents do not need to sit idly by, they must use world experience and try to turn the situation around.

Children are often afraid to tell their parents that they have been a victim of bullying at school. And even when cases become criminal in nature, the children still remain silent, but the investigators get their hands on a video filmed by the monsters, and this serves as the basis for taking action.

Parents can immediately understand that their child is being bullied at school. If a child is teased, their “shift” is thrown out the window, notebooks are torn and textbooks are hidden, this is considered a prank. Just kids playing. If no one plays or talks with the child and most of the children in the class pretend that he is not there, this is also normal. Most parents, having learned about such cases, believe that their child is to blame and does not know how to communicate with classmates. In fact, all these actions speak of bullying, which traumatizes the soul of the child, both the attackers and the victims. The attackers are constantly furious, the victim endures, but classmates are standing around and watching what is happening, they passively participate in the bullying, afraid to find themselves in the victim’s place. As a result, the psyche of all participants in the process is traumatized, they become irritable, touchy and aggressive. The child does not support conversations about bullying at home; it is terrible for him to remember humiliating violence.

If the child complains, parents They go to school to talk to the class teacher, but he didn’t see anything like that. Of course, things can happen outside of the classroom or even school. However, teachers themselves often provoke bullying and even point out the victim. This happens when a teacher laughs at some children, sometimes is unfair and humiliates a student by slapping him with a notebook, raising his voice or even calling him a “stupid.” Kicks a child out of class for disobedience or rudely takes away a notebook with an unfinished assignment. Although the teacher probably knows that the student is in poor health or is naturally slow and finds it difficult to bear. These are the children who come to the attention of aggressors. Some teachers do not hide their views and openly say that all boys fight, girls are intriguers by nature, and in general everything that happens is a school of life. But in reality they don’t think so, they see bullying, they see victims and they see aggressors, but it’s better to remain silent. Modern teachers do not undertake to fight violence in school, they are not competent in this matter, and they have no special desire; it is better to pretend that nothing is happening.

However, the teacher can, especially in junior classes, behave correctly towards students and do not allow yourself to humiliate children in the presence of the whole class. The teacher can firmly declare in class that such an attitude towards a given student on the part of classmates is intolerant. To make children friends, organize a joint event so that all children take part in it.

To combat bullying in high school, the actions of one teacher are not enough; his moralizing can make things even worse. Teachers, parents and psychologists need to unite here.

Parents, when sending their child to school, should also think about his safety in terms of possible bullying. Children who are withdrawn, shy, anxious and lacking self-confidence often become victims of bullying. Often the cause of violence can be: red hair, glasses, scars, being overweight or thin, being tall or too short. In addition, it is important whether the child has a stutter, tearfulness, shyness, or irritability. All this can first become a reason for receiving nicknames, and then for using aggression against these children. Therefore, when choosing a school, you need to take into account not your ambitions, but the child’s learning abilities. If the training program is too complex and the child is weak, he will become an outcast, unable to cope with the load.

Try to instill in your child pity for people with physical disabilities and don’t laugh at it, don’t boast about your family’s financial situation, instill in your children modesty, then he won’t be the instigator of bullying. Never give in to the game, let the child know that he is not always a winner, he can also be defeated. Instill in your child a love of sports; participation in sports clubs increases self-confidence.

It can be difficult if a child changes schools, parents need to get to know the teachers and perhaps invite classmates to the house, this will allow them to gain support from both classmates and teachers, this will help them get along in the team.

If from the child’s stories you conclude that the child has become a victim of bullying, do not rush, figure it out, maybe this is just a one-time conflict. If a child complains that the teacher shouted at him, you also need to understand the reason, and not rush headlong to school and disperse the teacher. The teacher especially primary school authority for the child, and if you do this and oppose yourself, the child will lose his bearings.

It is important to teach a child to have his own opinion and defend it, to be able to say “no” even to an adult, the child must learn to control his actions. A very common point of view is that if a child calmly reacts to the attacks of his classmates, they will soon be left behind, they will not be interested, they need the victim to cry, beg for mercy and freak out. On the other hand, life experience shows that a child must be able to stand up for himself. Calm behavior does not actually bring results. In case of aggression, it is best to fight back, and even if it comes to a fight, you should not retreat. This is the case when even defeat will improve the child’s position in the class and raise him in the eyes of his classmates. As a result, the child will no longer be the target of school bullying. Usually the bully chooses a victim for bullying, slowly “bullying” everyone, and the one who shows himself weakest will become the target of bullying. Most often, the instigator of bullying is a child who feels the need to subjugate others in order to achieve a goal, and who easily becomes enraged. Also, such children behave defiantly with teachers and parents, do not feel empathy and compassion for other people, children themselves suffer from domestic violence. IN Lately Not only boys, but also often girls, become the instigators of bullying.