Comic predictions

Leading:

Dear guests, today an astronomer and predictor came to us, who made a forecast for next year, intended for our hero of the day, based on the stars.

Details, attributes: white robe, a folder of books under my arm, a telescope in my hand and a poster-congratulation-prediction for the coming year for the hero of the day. The prediction and poster are printed, and you don’t have to memorize the text, but simply read it from the sheet.
Astronomer:

Hello dear guests and our unrivaled hero of the day.
In the previous month, I worked on (NAME's) horoscope.
I was inspired by the location of the nearby planets Mars and Venus, and the unusual cycle of our sun.
After carefully determining the degrees between the Moon and other planets solar system, according to the existing pattern, spiral cyclicity, an accurate and individual prediction has been made for our (NAME).

A busy work schedule will bring a little discord in family relationships. Virgos' behavior has not satisfied their partners for some time. Virgos are used to controlling their loved ones, constantly teaching and being jealous. On this basis, relationships will cool, which can lead to separation....

1.ARIES:

HOT CHOCOLATE. Aries is a passionate and exciting nature. In a relationship with "hot chocolate" it is necessary to maintain a certain temperature regime passion, not to let it cool down. However it is not simple hot chocolate, and with the addition of spices - cloves, ginger, patchouli and black pepper. This rather flammable dish is not suitable for those who are accustomed to lean “cuisine” and do not like thrills and violent passions.

2. TAURUS:

BIRD'S MILK. This candy has the most predictable filling. Calm, peaceful, reminiscent of an affectionate calf, she rarely loses her temper. “Bird's milk” is a symbol of home, comfort and coziness; it is not without reason that astrologers believe that Taurus women make the most best wives. However, “Bird's milk” requires appropriate “storage conditions”. She needs a reliable partner - a “box man”, behind whom the Taurus woman will feel like stone wall, which will protect you from the heat of problems and the cold of adversity.

3. GEMINI:

RAFAELLO. It gives the impression of weightlessness, but this is a deceptive impression. Every Gemini individual has a hard nut to crack at his core. Many male representatives know that keeping “Raffaello” is not so easy. She gets carried away easily, but can also easily fly off to someone else if boredom begins in the relationship. Such frivolity and superficiality of Geminis is redeemed by their intelligence and versatility. Raffaello is the source of a variety of “taste sensations” that cannot be obtained from any other Sign.

4. CANCER:

MARMALADE. This delicacy has millions of adherents all over the world. Just as marmalade has many nuances of preparation, the Cancer woman requires a special approach, and if handled ineptly, she is completely inedible. Being a gentle and vulnerable creature, it does not tolerate too much love overheating, quickly turning into jelly. A young marmalade demands romance in a relationship, over time it becomes rude or sticky and clingy, tries not to let go of its partner, and many people really like it.

5. LION:

CARAMEL. Caramel - component most candies, but preparing it requires a lot of patience. Then ordinary sugar acquires the properties of liquid honey with a dark amber color and unique aroma. Leo - Caramel is the most deceptive, from the point of view of those with a sweet tooth. After all, she often pretends to be an expensive thing, without presenting anything special. However, surrounded by adoration, fueled by admiring glances, it is especially tasty and can decorate the most sophisticated holiday.

6. VIRGO:

NUT IN CHOCOLATE. Belongs to the category of hard desserts, such as nut candies, roasted cakes and pralines. Virgo’s life, as a rule, is subject to a strict and logically based order, but no one manages to figure out this woman the first time. Inaccessibility excites men's tastes, despite the danger to crowns and fillings. First you need to let her thaw a little, and only then experience the unforgettable, sometimes even violent taste of passion.

7. SCALES:

CRANBERRY IN SUGAR GLAZE. Glazed cranberries are not only a delicious, but also a healthy delicacy. There is never too much of this kind of sweetness. Sugar or vanilla powder is short-lived and fragile, so you shouldn’t delay eating it... The Libra woman does not tolerate discomfort and rough handling, otherwise the sour-bitter filling will turn into wine rancidity.

8. SCORPIO:

LOLLIPOP. Scorpio knows how to freeze their desires, but also easily thaws them. In love, Lollipop is the most interesting specimen. First you need to suffer from curiosity, contemplating it from a distance. Biting is not recommended, only sensual licking and sucking. “Lollipop” requires a skilled lover who prefers a monotonous, but long-lasting taste. In general, “Lollipop” does not change over time, the mint taste “with a chill” remains minty, and the sour one remains sour. You need to explore this “sugar crystal” slowly, with pleasure, put it aside, and then start all over again. For this reason, many people with a sweet tooth like it.

9. SAGITTARIUS:

POROUS CHOCOLATE. It's all about air bubbles... Airy chocolate can be compared to champagne, which creates a feeling of celebration against the backdrop of gray everyday life. Sagittarius has an explosive temperament and character, at least in relationships there is always a feeling of brightness and impetuosity.

10. CAPRICORN:

CHERRY IN CHOCOLATE. Capricorn - representatives of this sign have a unique ability to preserve and “preserve” their beauty and energy for many years. Possessing such a candy is good luck for a man. However, it happens that due to too high demands on a potential life partner, she remains lonely, risking turning from a juicy berry, soaked in the warm smell of cognac or rum, into a hard frozen “winter cherry” without taste or smell. It will take time to warm this one up.

11. AQUARIUS:

BISE. Aquarius - Meringue - French dessert made from whipped egg whites. Communication with such a woman is a pleasure. “Merringues” can be different: tender and melting in the mouth, soft and hard, ordinary and exotic, with hazelnuts, pistachios and chocolate... The taste of “meringues” can be completely unexpected and unexpected. The most difficult question is how to achieve stability. After all, what seemed understandable just yesterday may have the exact opposite result today. Meringue is a godsend for lovers of everything unusual and original.

12. PISCES:

CANDY WITH LIQUOR. Pisces are cutesy and tender, which often leads to varying degrees of male love intoxication, which can end in complete dependence. Suitable for the most wealthy and respectable sweet tooth. According to the astrological “candy theory”, she has that very feminine mystery called the mysterious charm or “zest”.

A comic astrological forecast can be an original alternative to a greeting card. My friend and I prepared such a horoscope for our colleague. You can come up with the text of the horoscope yourself or find a suitable one on the Internet. It goes without saying that the forecast should be 100% positive.

We went this way - we found a yearly horoscope for the corresponding zodiac sign, shortened it slightly, embellished it and added our comments in brackets.

Forecast text:

Astrological forecast for 2013
adapted by the best astrologers (company name) (highlighted in color)
especially for (full name)

General characteristics:
Zodiac sign - Pisces
Lucky days - Monday, Thursday, Friday (and also Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday
and Sunday)
Talisman - narcissist (as well as a volleyball, tablet, camera and
Excel reference)

Forecast for 2013:
The Year of the Black Snake will be very successful for Pisces (especially for those who
born March XX).
Pisces horoscope 2013 says that you will be accompanied by grandiose
events, and the world will know about your desires (possibly even secret and indecent :).
The whole Universe will help you make all your dreams come true (dream within
civil and criminal codes of Ukraine).
In the summer, your financial situation will rise (in this period
don't forget about your friends and colleagues). Major acquisitions await you
(and this will definitely need to be washed, see previous comment).
Pisces have always been distinguished by their dreaminess, as well as romance.
(especially when they drink). Love horoscope this year is special for you
favorable (all your teenage and teenage dreams come true).
It is very important that you like yourself. If you, for example,
If you want to get rid of a couple of unnecessary kilos, then don’t skip
volleyball training, and give your share of sweets to your colleagues -
representatives of the fair sex.
IN family life a pleasant surprise awaits you (50% that it is a girl).
Many Pisces will discover their talents and will also engage in
self-development (foreign language courses).
For Pisces, the year will be busy and certainly will not give
reasons for boredom (like your colleagues).

(Name), happy birthday!!!

Sincerely, team of astrologers (company name)

To prepare the gift, I used Photoshop. I printed the resulting forecast on matte A3 paper.

The astrological forecast has been hanging on the wall near our colleague’s workplace for about six months now.

And here is the text of the forecast that was prepared for the teacher (see article). It can also be used when preparing a birthday gift:

The stars foretell success in all your endeavors. Health will please you more than ever, and good mood You are guaranteed for a long time. In your personal life, a new round of events or a refreshing of old relationships is possible.

On October 5, expect pleasant surprises that will delight and warm your soul, and on New Year- major acquisitions.

This period will be truly fertile for you. Prosperity, peace and love await you at home, and obedient and diligent students at work.

"October 5" in this case, you need to replace it with the date of birth, and "obedient and diligent students"(unless, of course, you are congratulating a teacher or lecturer) for something else, such as: success, promotion, recognition, etc. depending on the situation.

Free download (psd file for Photoshop)

P.S. Jokes aside, our colleague, to whom we gave a comic horoscope, recently had a boy, on which we congratulate him! 🙂 So, we are already thinking about whether we should open our own little business for making good forecasts?! 🙂 🙂 🙂 If anyone needs it, please contact us!

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We have all heard about predictions. It is known that people who are in one way or another connected with by various forces, still incomprehensible and unknown to man. Predictions have been in demand always and everywhere, in all countries and in different eras. Of course, in modern world predictions play a huge role, since there are few people who do not want to look into the future. Even the most ardent skeptics sometimes secretly want to know what awaits them next in life. However, predictions are now acquiring not only a strict character, but also their humorous form. And therefore, more and more often you can find comic predictions.

Comic predictions - what are they?

How do cheerful predictions differ from their more strict form? Initially, it is important to note that such predictions can be voiced for different purposes. Many people get tired of reading boring and strict predictions for the day, month, year. I want to defuse the situation, read something funny, but instructive. And therefore, ordinary predictions sometimes turn into a comic form. It can be just humor, a cartoon, and sometimes there is real black humor. While reading funny predictions, you can have a good laugh and take note of a few warnings that will help you avoid various problems in the near future. In addition, when reading comic predictions, the harsh reality is easier to perceive, and it becomes easier to look at life. Whether to believe such predictions is, of course, up to each person. But it would be useful to take warnings into account.

Where are funny predictions used?

However, comic predictions do not always have a strict basis. They can also be used simply to lift your spirits. A person who takes them into service is capable of as soon as possible become the life of the party and be known as an enviable joker. You can use them in the office at work, at a party with friends, in general, anywhere, the main thing is that they are appropriate. Naturally, such a prediction does not need to be taken on faith; it is intended only for entertainment. However, there are also frequent cases when even funny predictions, invented for laughter, came true. So even with them you should be careful. Also, cool and funny predictions are often used at holidays and celebrations. These could be birthdays, anniversaries, corporate and home holidays.

At what events are comic predictions most often used?

The first events where fun but instructive predictions originated were weddings. It's rare to see a wedding where guests don't dress up as gypsies on the second day. And what is a gypsy without predictions? In order to raise the festive spirit among those present and simply amuse passers-by, the gypsy in a comic form pronounces predictions to the bride and groom, and then to everyone present. Afterwards, funny predictions began to be used on other holidays. The hero of the day is always wished for long years life, health, happiness. Everyone knows this and is accustomed to it. But a humorous prediction made at the height of the holiday, in which humor is mixed with wishes for happiness and longevity, can ignite it with renewed vigor, make guests laugh and please the hero of the day. Often funny predictions are used at children's parties. Of course, their shape should correspond to the children's theme.

Cool predictions form

Comic predictions are used in various forms. If they are pronounced during a feast or wedding, then it is more interesting to use a poetic form. Thus, at the same time, a prediction can become an excellent toast. Also, a fun prediction often becomes part of a game or entertainment. There are many table games in which you can playfully guess who the person was in past life, of course, with the same comic result. If cool predictions are carried out at children's parties, then this usually creates a feeling of mystery. You can even hold a costume masquerade for a similar purpose. Children interested in a riddle always accept jokes with pleasure.

In general, comic predictions can be used anytime, anywhere. The main thing is that it is appropriate, otherwise the joke simply won’t work.

Comic predictions in verse in one line

1. The day was bright and bright, like a sweet gift.
2. A trip to the sea awaits you soon.
3. Let a tear of joy flow, soon your old friend will return!
4. Down with both anger and revenge, you will receive good news.
5. Wait for the sunset, wait for the dawn, wait for a sweet greeting.
6. Every day and every hour someone thinks about you.
7. Look ahead more cheerfully, wealth awaits you there.
8. Wait a little, the road is waiting for you.
9. Gingerbread and sweets, there will be a lot of joy.
10. Holidays and fun await you at the end of the week.
11. Suddenly you have a new friend.
12. Wait without crying, luck will come to you.
13. The sun is back and happiness is back - you will meet new love.
14. Expect success at work by next Saturday.
15. You will always have delicious food in your house.
16. Try to vacation in the Bahamas six times a year and then you will certainly, certainly, probably be lucky.
17. If you lie down naked on ice for a long time in winter, no harmful microbe will crawl into you.
18. Someone will be lucky again in the coming year, maybe you or a neighbor - you must always be prepared.
19. Changes await you at the beginning of January, prepare for them gradually - don’t waste your time.
20. Try to run carefully at night in icy conditions, and then you will quite possibly celebrate the New Year.

Funny predictions

1. When giving your beloved a bouquet of daisies, count all the petals. Must be: loves!
2. When expecting a bad event, do not twist the button: it will definitely come off.
3. You are lucky! Therefore, be more modest and do not grab more lucky tickets.
4. When crossing the road, look around - there is a chance of meeting your destiny.
5. Approach your boss with the right foot - and a promotion awaits you.
6. Always smile! And no one will call you a gloomy person. Keep quiet! And no one will call you a bore.
7. Your life is an endless road, so choose a reliable means of transportation along it - a car.
8. Today is the best day for you! As the others!
9. Buy a book that you don't like at all - and you will find the answers to all your questions.
10. During the first week after the New Year, a pleasant surprise awaits you.
11. When leaving the entrance of your house, turn your head to the right. The brand of the car standing there will soon appear in yours too.
12. If your neighbors knock on the battery today, then a fun and unforgettable New Year awaits you.
13. In the New Year you will win a million dollars, but then you will give it all to charity.
14. In the New Year you can get rid of your bad habit, but you will buy a couple more new ones.
15. In the New Year you will be given the most desired gift - goldfish. True, it will be stuffed with rice and herbs.
16. In the New Year, you will learn and discover a lot of new and useful things, but now please open a bottle of champagne.
17. In the New Year, you will have the pleasure of spending a lot of money, as well as the pleasure of earning it.
18. In the New Year, you will get yourself a new pet, and give the old one to a nursing home.
19. If on June 1 you wear your clothes inside out, then many people of the opposite sex will pay attention to you. Maybe you will find love!
20. If you find it in the bread foreign body, know - this is for luck!

Astrological comic predictions

1. The stars are favorable to you. However, you should not catch them in a bowl of salad, otherwise the powerful influence of Mars may contribute to prophetic dreams under the table.
2. Venus in the second house foretells a hearty dinner with excesses and moderate physical activity on the dance floor.
3. Ritual dancing on the table is contraindicated for your zodiac sign, otherwise an unpleasant meeting in a government house is possible.
4. People of your sign are smiling, cheerful, talkative, funny... hey, dear, aren't you drinking too much champagne?
5. Abuse of shouts of “Happy New Year!” is fraught with throat diseases; "Happy New Year!" should be pronounced with just your lips, rolling your eyes meditatively.
6. The stars are not located in the best possible way: The most susceptible to rhythmic twitching will be the knee, hand, elbow and hip joints.
7. Your patron planet Mercury portends you unexpected turn events after your toast to love.
9. From today you are under the auspices of the planet Venus, which will present you with new unexpected love.
10. This night the stars are positioned in the sky so that everything you have dreamed of getting for so long is shining for you.

New Year Wishes

1. Good luck, happiness, peace to you! You will have your own apartment!
2. I wish you to save the style! You will have a car!
3. Luck will not leave you! There will be a new dacha for you!
4. A toast to your health! There will be career growth for you!
5. I wish you good luck! A new addition to your family is waiting for you!
6. Surround you with comfort! And your income will increase!
7. Let success follow! You are the best to study!
8. There are many different impressions! On wonderful journeys!
9. Don't let worry bother you! A new job is waiting for you!
10. I wish you not to be bored in vain, There will be new friends!

Each holiday is good and interesting in its own way. But usually at any holiday it all comes down to the fact that almost 99% of the attention is paid to the hero of the occasion: the hero of the day or the newlyweds or the birthday boy. What about the guests? They came to have fun and have fun! We haven't forgotten about them, and have prepared an interesting game block: a comic astrological forecast for guests at the anniversary. This forecast can be presented in different ways. The most obvious option is for an astrologer to come out and read out his forecast for each guest or zodiac sign. A gypsy can also come out, but here questions arise - where is the gypsy so smart that she understands astrology? Therefore, a gypsy would not be very appropriate in such a block. The third option is to read the astrological forecast by the presenter himself. This is in case it is not possible to make a scene with changing clothes. There may be other options, but they are not so obvious. How to display this number is up to you. Below we will provide you with several comic forecasts, which you can use for anniversaries.

Comic horoscope 1.
First option comic horoscope written by the guests themselves. Everything here is quite simple, but interesting. Everyone knows a game called missing adjectives. And in this game we will skip the names of the guests. You need to come up with a forecast that does not include names. Then, at the celebration, you ask the hero of the day to take turns calling out the names of all the guests who are present at the celebration. And enter the names into the forecast one by one. Next, read out what happened.
Example of a letter with guest names missing:

“Today (the date of the anniversary, the stars predict for us a great festive evening! It will end differently for everyone, but everyone will be happy. At 19 o’clock Jupiter will eclipse the sun and at this time (guest’s name) will go to rest under the table. Two minutes later, when the sun will emerge from under the shadow of Jupiter (guest's name) and join the vacationer under the table.
At 19.25 the moon will appear in the sky. At that very moment (guest's name) with the words - I'm going to sleep! – falls face first into a plate of salad. When the Ursa Minor appears in the sky, (guest's name) will begin to look for a warm place to rest and will find it on the large and cozy chest of (guest's name).
As soon as the clock strikes 20 o'clock, a musical break will begin. And (guest's name) will be the first to go out onto the dance floor and show a master class. After his dance (name of guest) shouting - Bravo! – will run onto the stage and perform a wild dance with elements of striptease. When (guest's name) sees this, he will scream - oh my God! This is the best thing I've seen in my life!
In twenty minutes. When the big bear appears in the sky, the dancing guests will calm down and sit down in their seats. At the same time (guest's name) will shout loudly - I demand the continuation of the banquet! - He will drink a glass of vodka and carefully lay his head on the table, as if on a pillow.
The evening will end with all the stars appearing in the sky, and under their influence (guest’s name) and (guest’s name) will sing a duet song - Mom Luda, come on, come on, come on! And the rest of the guests will film them on their phones to show the clip tomorrow morning and make fun of them!”

Here's an option you can try. You can change the text or come up with your own. It is important to remember here that all people are different, and if you know that someone might be offended, then it is better not to include their name in the forecast.

Comic forecast 2.
The following forecast is for guests the morning after the holiday. This forecast is called the hangover forecast!

And so, dear guests! Just a moment of attention. Today we all go out and have fun. But none of you thinks about the consequences, doesn’t think about what will happen to each of you tomorrow morning. But our astrologer already knows everything, and will tell you what will happen to each of you tomorrow morning.
Aries - the morning will start very badly for you. Approaching the mirror, you will see that your rounded horns have straightened and are preventing you from going through the doors.
Taurus - don’t think that if you drank before the holiday Activated carbon, then everything will be fine with you. You will see this coal again, and you will understand that everything is very bad.
Gemini – don’t be surprised, but in the morning you will wake up with a person who is exactly like you!
Cancers - and you will learn to quickly crawl backwards from each glass, remembering this evening and your screams - pour it, drink it!
Leos - in the morning you will make such a roar that your neighbors will each bring you bottles of cold mineral water.
Virgos – don’t go to the mirror in the morning. Otherwise, you risk not recognizing yourself and fainting out of fear.
Libra - tomorrow morning will begin with you weighing and figuring out how much you can drink normal person, and how much you drank.
Scorpio – as soon as you wake up, you will immediately have a hangover. Otherwise, you will sting everyone with your sting all day long.
Sagittarius – it’s better to leave money in advance for tomorrow. Otherwise, you will shoot them at passers-by because they have a hangover.
Capricorns - a surprise awaits you in the morning - you will have new horns.
Aquarius - in the morning you will have guests who will want to continue the banquet with you.
Pisces - and you will be ashamed of this evening and your behavior. All tomorrow you will be silent, like a fish.

Horoscope 3.
And this horoscope is the shortest in the world! But this makes it even funnier and the guests will definitely like it. And so, let's look:

Horoscope 4.
And this is a rather bold horoscope, it is erotic! But nevertheless, it’s funny and the guests will like it. So that this horoscope goes off with a bang. Do this:
- name your zodiac sign and guests under this sign come to you. Romantic music turns on, they dance, and then you read out the horoscope:

Horoscope 5.
And another horoscope - alcoholic!
The same can be done in a special way. You name the zodiac sign and the guests under that sign stand up. They pour glasses and you read out their horoscope, after which these guests drink. It turns out interesting and funny:
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