My path to God. “Blessing” games are deceiving yourself

Family_Parents__Siblings_Aunts and Uncles__Marriage__Children__Money__Work__Life_

Hello! I don’t know who to turn to anymore, so I decided to write to you. My life has turned into hell and I don’t know what to do about it. My name is Lyubov, I am 45 years old, I live with my mother, I have never been married and I have no children. Although all my life I have dreamed of having a friendly family and children. My dad died when I was 21 years old and my mother transferred all the responsibilities that my dad performed to me, that is, I earn money, I repair the apartment, plumbing, electrical. That is, everything that my dad used to do, since he passed away, my mother demands that all these problems and worries be done by me, all the work of a man. This is one of the evils. Secondly, my mother has 4 sisters and two brothers, and each of her sisters has children. Mom is the eldest of the sisters and she is now 78 years old. And my mother loves them so much all her life that she simply destroyed me and my life. My mother doesn’t care about my life, that I’m lonely and unhappy, but all my life she runs after her sisters and their children, wants to save the whole world, not with her own hands, but with mine. She also helped them a lot, but mostly on a global scale she used me, and before, when my dad was alive and I was little, I remember that my mother always asked my dad to also solve the problems of her sisters every time and also work for her sisters and also for free. Dad was building a dacha and a garage for one of my mother’s sisters, and he got so upset that he was then operated on for a hernia. My mother feels sorry for all her relatives, but for me ( my own daughter ) she doesn't feel sorry. That is, as soon as any relative has any problem or misfortune, then my mother, knowing that I love her very much and cannot refuse, and she and my relatives have used this all my life, my mother put pressure on my psyche and with words : “Lyuba, help them. If you don’t help them, then no one will help them.” And for 24 years I have been helping everyone, saving everyone, working for all of them (my mother’s many beloved relatives) and not just working, but working to the point of exhaustion. And they take advantage of me, they never paid me a penny, although I did work for them worth hundreds of thousands of rubles (or rather, about a million rubles). For example, I did the work of a lawyer for 1.5 years, saving my aunt and cousin (although when everything was fine with them, they didn’t want to know me at all and didn’t consider me a person, and when they got into trouble, they came running to me saved them). I saved them, I worked until exhaustion. And when I saved them, they didn’t pay me a penny, although we initially agreed that they would pay me and how much they would pay (thanks to me they received almost 1.5 million rubles, they lost this money with their rash actions, I I helped them get this money back through the court, it cost me, no one can even imagine what a lot of effort and hassle and any work must be paid, because I can’t feed on the Holy Spirit, I need food and clothing and money for other needs , and my relatives believe that if I am their relative, then I should work for them for free and be fed by the Holy Spirit, that is, they need money, but I don’t need money), and as payment I received curses from them. And almost all the relatives whom I helped treat me this way: at first they use me for free, because they would pay hundreds of thousands of rubles to strangers for such work, and then they curse me so as not to pay. They (relatives) have already sucked all the strength, all the juice out of me. I have no health, I’m all sick, and I’m overstrained, and I have a lot of chronic diseases and they’ve worn out all my nerves. As a result, I have no money, no health, no strength, and now I live in complete poverty, barely making ends meet. And when I told them that I would no longer labor for them and that they should pay me at least part of the money. Then they rained curses at me. And after a visit from one of my mother’s sisters (my aunt), when she was an oncological patient (she already has stage 4 disease and she can barely move), without asking permission she simply came to our house (neighbors brought her by car) and she settled with us, saying that she will live with us until her death. She has a daughter, a son, an adult granddaughter and grandson, and even great-grandchildren, and a large 3-room apartment in which she lives with her son and 10-year-old granddaughter. (I’ll tell you another backstory: the daughter of this aunt 25 years ago took my business from me, betrayed me in difficult times, when my dad died. I started this business from scratch, then I took this daughter of this aunt (she’s my cousin) I took her into my business. And in a difficult moment for me, she simply betrayed me and pushed me out of my own business, and appropriated my business for herself. And 10 years ago I had a fiance, but the daughter of this cousin of mine and the granddaughter of this my sick aunt, my cousin’s niece, she stole (took) this groom from me and married him and gave birth to a child.) But I have no one, no husband, no children, because I had no time to take care of my personal life, I All my life I’ve been solving other people’s problems (or rather, the problems of relatives). And this woman also often used me, I also worked for her for free, and she made a profit. And all my life she defamed me against the background of her daughter and granddaughter, humiliated and insulted me. She said such nasty things about me that I don’t even want to write about it here. And now, without a twinge of conscience, a dying woman came to live with me. I told my aunt about this, that she has children and grandchildren, and that she should go and live with them, because I don’t have my own personal life and I’ve been solving other people’s problems all my life. I need to arrange my life, her children and grandchildren don’t need it, because they live their own lives. And I don’t have my own life because of such arrogant and shameless relatives. Then she also began to curse me and said that she would do witchcraft so that I would not have anything good in life. And most likely she performed witchcraft to kill me. And I know that she knows how to do it. And after that my life turned into hell. I don't recognize my mother at all. It was as if Satan had possessed her. She has completely changed, both externally and internally. She just dried out, lost half of what she was. And it became generally impossible to be together and communicate with her. She started telling me things like that she had cancer (even though she wasn't even tested at the hospital) and she would give me cancer. She just started cursing me every day for no reason. These words of curse began to pour out of her to me, as if it was necessary, instead of a saying. As soon as I say a word that she doesn’t like, she immediately starts cursing me, wishing that I would be killed or that I would die or that I would go to waste. But sometimes she has a moment of enlightenment and says that she loves me very much and she has no one closer or dearer than me. And then again, a little later, he starts cursing me again. I have had no life my whole life because of her, and now she also wishes me death. And I don't know what to do about it. She has already bothered me with these curses that I am ready to kill her. I told her: “Mom, what are you doing? After all, nothing can wash away or lift your mother’s curse.” But everything repeats itself in a circle. She says she loves me very much. And then he curses again. And this is how she behaves only with me. And my personal life just doesn’t work out, no matter who the men I meet, nothing good works out for me, although I am very attractive, slim, educated, kind and in general (there is such a thing as the excellent student syndrome), I have this syndrome , that is, I do everything perfectly, that is, I am very responsible. What should I do with my mother? And how can I get rid of all these curses that people sent me for my good? Please help if you can.

A man should know: IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HUMILIATE and insult his wife BY CALLING her rude words. Harsh words - WILL BE REMEMBERED, will leave a wound on the heart and will be expelled from there - Love. A man DOES NOT HAVE the right to COMMAND, shout, offend, and TO SUBMIT his wife by FORCE or violence. A man must CAREFULLY and lovingly treat his wife so that the wife, out of RESPECT for the man, wants to obey him. Elder Paisiy says that without love you CANNOT even subjugate the Cat.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to raise your hands against your wife and beat her. If a man raised his hand to a woman, then he with my own hands DESTROYS - his happiness. Not a single normal man will ever ALLOW himself to treat a woman RUDELY and VASTLY, not to mention to OFFEND her or HUMILIATE her and subjugate her - by force. And we need to remember the Russian folk proverb: “Forcibly MIL - you won’t!” Therefore, such rude men in vain hope that women will love them - for RUDE and VIOLENCE - NO, and again NO!

Many people are UNHAPPY on earth: either they are LONELY, or they have BAD families, or they are UNLUCKY in life. And all only because people DID NOT OBEY their parents, were rude to them, swore at them, offended their parents, insulted and humiliated them, condemned them, and therefore God did NOT GIVE them happiness! Until they - REPENT and confess these - Grave Sins and CORRECT - begin to treat their parents kindly and with respect - God WILL NOT GIVE them happiness on earth. The commandment of God says: HONOR your Father and your mother - may it be GOOD for you on earth, may you be LONG and HEALTHY in your life! This is God's Law! Whoever violates it deprives himself of all the good things in life!

Why are there so many unhappy families? Families are UNHAPPY mainly due to SELFISHNESS, pride and indifference of people to each other. A woman SHOULD remember that there are things that she SHOULD NEVER allow herself to do, under any circumstances. You can’t command your husband. You cannot insult or humiliate your husband. Rude and evil words– DESTROY family relationships and KILL – love! . You can’t laugh at him, you can’t flaunt and discuss your family relationships with others. You cannot insult his parents, relatives and friends in front of your husband or without him. Because the WOUNDS that are inflicted will never heal. Maybe they will continue to live together, but without love. Love will simply disappear. Try to treat your parents and relatives and friends of your husband or wife WELL and help them if they need any help. When we treat them kindly - we treat them, help them and take care of them - then our husband or wife, seeing our KIND attitude towards his parents, his family and friends - STARTS to love and respect us MORE. If we begin to treat our spouse’s parents and loved ones BADLY, then by doing so we CAUSE him Great pain and Resentment, which over time can DESTROY the family. Also try to be - NICE - to your spouse's friends. It is important that they are - GOOD people, and the rest doesn't matter. And men must NOT FORGET that a good wife is the first and most IMPORTANT Friend and CHANGING your wife and your children for friends is STUPID.

YOU MUST remember that “An obstinate, harmful, scandalous, unyielding wife - there is a FIRE in the house and the family dies because of this!” Family happiness - unless the husband is a SCAG, not an EGOIST-tyrant and not a bitter drunkard - DEPENDS only on the wife! It’s sad if the husband is normal, but there is NO agreement in the family. IN family life Smart is not the one who insists on his own, but the one who knows how to give in in time. In small things - always give in, little things are not worth arguing or swearing over. Never answer with the word “No” to your husband’s proposal, even if you are categorically against it, say this: “It’s not a bad idea, but this and that confuses me,” and calmly state your objections. And then, listen to your husband's reasons. It is possible that you will be convinced that he is right. And if the truth is on your side, then after listening to your calm arguments, he himself will agree with you and will respect you more for the fact that you do not stir up a scandal. And the agreement between you will become stronger. The woman who acts unreasonably and STUPIDLY is the one who is always DISSATISFIED with her husband, gets irritated and rudely yells at him, ignores his opinion and doesn’t listen, does everything her own way, grumbles at him, constantly finds fault, and nags her husband or children. There has never been a case where someone who is scolded and nagged in this way has corrected his shortcomings. Usually, in this case, the husband STARTS to rush and leave home, spend less time in it, starts drinking, and may even find another woman who will be more attentive and kinder to him than his own wife. And it turns out that the woman herself cuts and DESTROYS the foundations of her family happiness. - “We don’t keep what we have—we cry when we lose it!” The greatest feat of married life is, despite everything, to SAVE the family. It is most important. Even folk wisdom says: “If you endure it, you will fall in love.” That is, before learning to love, you NEED to learn each other’s weaknesses - to endure and FORGIVE each other - always and in everything. And so, fulfill the law of Christ. You need to LEARN - to endure kindly, to humble yourself, YOU NEED to learn - to KEEP peace. This is what constitutes the basis of family life. If this is not the case, then, of course, saving the family can be difficult.

People, when they - GET MARRIED, after registration - must - GET MARRIED in church - otherwise later, when they - DIE and come to God - their souls will NEVER - MEET in Paradise and will be forever - Separated from each other forever! It is necessary for Orthodox Christians to get married, but in our times - HURRY for this serious matter no way - NO way. Categorically - you CANNOT do what many women WANT, through the Sacrament of Wedding - to TIE your husband more tightly to yourself, such a wedding the Lord DOES NOT ACCEPT and does not BLESS - there WILL BE NO happiness. A wedding in a church is not INSURANCE against divorce, and not a “magic” MEANS to TIE your spouse STRONGER to yourself. Such a consumerist attitude towards the Sacrament of Wedding is a Sin. Before the Wedding, the husband and wife must - LOVE each other truly and treat each other well, they must be ready for the Sacrament of Wedding to be performed on them. Both spouses must be believers, churchgoers, and not make-believe, that is, they must live a Spiritual life - know a certain minimum of prayers and constantly pray, they must with DESIRE - go to Sunday and holiday services in church and understand the seriousness and importance of this. They must be able to Confess their sins and observe Fasts, and most importantly, they MUST strive to keep the Commandments of God. Then such married marriages DO NOT BREAK UP, because divorce in general is simply impossible, and therefore the spouses live in peace, in love and harmony among themselves all their lives.

1. The husband must be the Master - in his family, but the owner - KIND and Generous, and the wife must be - KIND and OBEDIENT to her husband. Husbands are indifferent to the house and DO NOT HELP their wives in only two cases: A) Either the husband is a Selfish and Dishonest person and DOES NOT LOVE his wife. B) Either the wife herself - proud, obstinate and harmful, STRIVES to be - Main and - Command everyone. Usually such families break up

2. The secret of happiness in family life is the kind ATTENTION of the spouses to each other. A husband and wife must constantly show each other SIGNS of the most TENDER Attention and love. We need to PLEASE our family members MORE OFTEN, give them - good mood. Do something good and pleasant for your loved ones more often. GIVE - small gifts and make pleasant and unexpected surprises, even just buying something in the store that your spouse loves - and treating it to them - is already a big deal!

3. RESPECT and TRUST for each other. If there is NO Trust and Respect for each other in a family, this means that there is NO Love, that people live in a family - each with their own lives, and this is Loneliness together - the saddest thing that can happen in a family relationship. All together this means that between people either love is GONE, or it never HAPPENED.

4. FREEDOM in the family is one of the MAIN and most important conditions for a happy family life. Each of the spouses must be - CONFIDENT in the other, as in himself, knowing that he will always be CORRECTLY understood, will never be let down, betrayed and Abandoned - in trouble. You cannot - by force or material dependence - subordinate your spouse. You cannot IMPOSE and dictate to him YOUR will and your vision of life, your views on life, establish and demand fulfillment without the voluntary consent of your spouse - some rules of behavior and life. It is impossible to HUMILIATE, break and trample a person - God will not bless such a family and there will be no happiness in it. The Lord gave the Commandment - “Love your neighbor as yourself”! That's all! Either we treat our neighbors well and with RESPECT - and God blesses us and gives us happiness for our obedience and fulfillment of this Great Commandment of God! Either we treat our neighbors BADLY and therefore God punishes us and there is NO good in our lives. Therefore, the first rule is RESPECT your spouse, ACCEPT him as he is and rejoice and thank God that this person lives next to you, and that in his heart the Lord has INVESTED Love for you and therefore TAKE CARE - this is Great and a precious feeling! Cultivate it and STRENGTHEN it with your love, your tender attention, consent and understanding, your respect - for your loved one and to a loved one. Rudeness, indifference, selfishness, reproaches, nagging, swearing, shouting, irritability, lack of respect, humiliation, COMMAND Tone - like “I said it!” – all this DESTROYS and destroys people’s love – DESTROYS families. The Lord, for a BAD attitude towards your neighbors, can DEPRIVE you of love and then there will be nothing good in your life. What we have, we don’t keep; when we lose it, we cry!

5. Common interests. Family is WE. A family is one big whole - indivisible, and therefore in a family - each of the spouses CANNOT live their own life separate from the other spouse. If in a family the spouses STARTED to live their own lives, such a family will soon BREAK UP. This is one of the laws of family life. WE NEED TO DISCUSS the pressing problems together. Important decisions MUST be made only TOGETHER. If you ask for advice, it means you RESPECT, and this is always GOOD and serves to STRENGTHEN family relationships. Take an interest in the affairs of your husband and your wife, ask them about work, find out about their plans and doubts in order to advise something, help with something. Get out together outside the apartment - on a visit, to a cafe, to a museum, to a theater, for a walk in some park! Be together more often, it brings you closer. Try to communicate more. Despite being very busy outside the home and having numerous household chores, FIND time for family communication. A huge number of married couples have broken up only because the spouses have almost STOP communicating with each other.

6. MONEY. The family budget should be COMMON. None - Yours and Mine, only one wallet. No one should hide or HIDE any money or income from the other spouse; spouses should always know how much each of them earns. No secret bank accounts. Otherwise, there WILL NOT BE trust, and if there is no trust, love WILL GO AWAY. Spouses must decide TOGETHER what purchases and things they will buy and what they will spend the money on. In money matters there must be complete TRUST - otherwise any FALSE or CONCEALING of monetary income can DESTROY the trust of spouses in each other, and this is the beginning of family breakdown. One of the spouses earns MORE, and the other earns LESS or does not work at all - this does not mean anything at all. Everything happens. God forbid you, to reproach your spouse with a small salary is the best way to RUIN your family - you will not find a family! How to live with a stingy person? God does not give happiness to such people. Also, it often happens that in a family - someone is better off financially, and the other is worse off - this also does not matter. On the contrary, the more prosperous spouse should rejoice that he HAS the opportunity to HELP his spouse and his loved ones and relatives, and with his KINDNESS, his selfless help and care, firmly TIE their hearts to himself. Women often consider DEPENDENCE on a man as a manifestation of personal weakness. Rely on loved one– this is a good SIGN of normal family relationships. This is a SIGN of a friendly family and close relationships.

Leave to each other - Free space. Each of us can have our own interests, our own friends, time for ourselves, but it SHOULD NOT be SECRET so that your spouse does not think that you have something to hide. Respect the freedom, rights and hobbies of the person close to you. Never get into - not your bag and pockets, Do not rummage in desk drawers, Do not read - other people's letters and notes, Do not check - not yours. mobile phone and notebooks, Do not go to your spouse’s personal pages on the Internet - you are not a gendarme or a prosecutor and your spouse is not a criminal. There SHOULD BE NO SECRETS or secrets from each other in a family. If in a family there is NO close, trusting relationship between spouses, this means that between husband and wife there is NO Trust, consent and mutual understanding, which means NO Love, therefore NO family!

Why do many people, having quarreled, CANNOT make peace with each other? Can't they forgive each other? Yes, because the person who is guilty DOESN’T WANT to admit his GUILT, his WRONGNESS! Admitting one's MISTAKES is the most IMPORTANT and MOST IMPORTANT thing in people's relationships, and this is especially IMPORTANT in the family relationships of spouses. If people RECOGNIZE their mistakes, RECOGNIZE that they are WRONG, and ask for Forgiveness, then TRUST appears between people and only then is dialogue, RECONCILIATION and achievement of agreement between them POSSIBLE. Only then do relationships between people begin to DEVELOP further. If people DO NOT RECOGNIZE their mistakes and their WRONGNESS, do not want to correct themselves, then a WALL appears - of misunderstanding and resentment between people, trust DISAPPEARS, family relationships reach a dead end and begin to CRASH. Then people CANNOT and ARE NOT ABLE to come to an agreement and truly reconcile with each other.

Remember one thing very wise rule: If you quarreled during the day, you have until the evening to RECONCILE! If you quarrel at night, you must MAKE UP before the morning! Compliance with this law will SAVE your relationships and your family! Don't do it out of spite. Try NOT to HURT someone else. Never give any ultimatums - to each other. Do not order, do not command, do not speak in an orderly tone that does not tolerate objections. DON'T YELL - at each other, don't even RAISE your voice. Never CRITICISE each other, try to refrain from reproaches and claims against each other - all these are types of Aggression, which will definitely turn against you - your spouse, and as a rule will lead to quarrels. Don't make fun of each other. Swearing, insults and quarrels, criticism, any complaints - KILL love, DESTROY - family relationships and family! And if a quarrel occurs, then - DO NOT HUMILIATE or insult the other person, DO NOT call him - HURTING words and try to stop the quarrel and reconcile in a kind way, try to calm the other person down. Therefore, always try to be FIRST - to approach and make peace. It is important.

One of the main reasons for the BAD family life of spouses, as well as for the Loneliness of people, is the INABILITY and reluctance of people to treat people WELL, Women - to men, and Men - to women. Many women - treat men BADLY - CONSIDER them as bad, unreliable people, drunkards, quitters, womanizers - DO NOT RESPECT - men. But not all men are drunkards and womanizers - there are a LOT of normal men and JUDGING everyone is a big Sin! That’s why all such women DO NOT have family happiness, because they DO NOT RESPECT other people and men, they consider them WORSE, they think about themselves and think Evilly about people! There will be no happiness for their daughters either. IT WILL NOT happen until they REPENT of this sin and CORRECT and learn to RESPECT men. And you MUST learn to treat all people WELL - otherwise there will be no good in life. A man is the image of God; by not respecting men, a woman insults God! Therefore, the Lord does not give such women happiness!

We need to PROTECT love in the family! We need to take care of our feelings for each other! You need to take care of your family! You need to Fight for your love and, if necessary, then PROTECT it from everyone who wants to destroy your family - even if they are people close and dear to you! You need to understand that God gives love and happiness - only once! And if a person knows that he is loved and yet STRUGGLES over his loved one, DOES NOT VALUE his feelings, insults and humiliates the person who loves him, treats him Unfairly - then he thereby KILLS - in this person Self-Love and Destroys his family! Such a person must know that God will never GIVE him happiness again! After all, they gave it to him once, but he didn’t save it! But if a person - REPENTS and CHANGES - becomes a good person, if the Lord - BELIEVES him - then God can forgive him and can give him - happiness once again. This happens sometimes.

It is very dangerous to DENY a man - ATTENTION and SEX - without a good reason, for example, illness. And it is IMPOSSIBLE to deceive at all - sooner or later the deception will be revealed and then - DIVORCE. A man will neither tolerate nor forgive. Often a wife, BEING OFFENSED by her husband, or wanting to achieve something, DENIES him intimacy, SEX. This is not only a big STUPIDITY, but it is provoking a husband to cheat, and this is a direct DESTRUCTION of the family! Well, once, you were offended and refused to have sex with your husband, two times - you show your whim or give an ultimatum to your husband, three - you refused, saying that you are supposedly not in the mood or have a headache, and the fourth time, your husband will either take a mistress - and this Sin falls on you. Or he will leave completely and FIND himself another woman who will always need him. By doing this, over and over again - REFUSING sex to your husband - you yourself PUSH your husband away - from yourself and in the end he will LOSE all interest in you. And then, it will be too late to cry - he will NOT NEED you, and if he DOESN’T NEED you - as a woman, then even more so as a wife. That’s it, you can consider that you no longer have your family. A man, when he is denied intimacy, perceives it as a very serious personal offense that may never be forgiven. Sex, of course, is not the main thing, it only helps so that people BE REALLY CLOSE to each other. But for a man, the understanding that he is always NEEDED and close to his wife is very IMPORTANT, and if a woman DENIES him Sex, Intimacy, then he REVIEWS this as a REJECTION of himself, for him it is humiliating, and most importantly, he begins to know that the woman DOES NOT LOVE him. This is one of the main reasons when husbands LEAVE their wives. And very IMPORTANT! Husbands - TEACH your wives - CHASTITY. Do not allow any sinful perversions in sex - do not corrupt your loved one and yourself. If there are such Sinful desires or there have been attempts - Confess these sins and be PURE. Where perverted lustful passion dwells, love LEAVES. And if love goes away, YOU WILL LOSE your loved one and family. Keep - pure relationships, this is the key to family happiness.

Parents - try to explain to your children so that they TAKE CARE of their PURITY - CHASTITY and before marriage - DO NOT ENTER INTO SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH ANYONE. This is very, very IMPORTANT! Otherwise, they WILL NOT have happiness in life. God WILL NOT GIVE! Your children SHOULD NOT watch any kind of Pornography or Erotica. Pornography and Erotica – DEPRIVES a person of SHAME and CORRUPTS the soul. And the person who has LOST Shame is LEAVED by the Lord and does not keep. Girls must TAKE CARE of their Maiden HONOR - men APPRECIATE this very much and therefore everyone is so PURE, girls always get married EASY - and God gives them happiness, strong families and healthy children. It is also IMPORTANT that parents DO NOT ALLOW PRODIGIOUS cohabitation of your children in a civil marriage. If people love each other, they HONESTLY register their marriage and live together - only in a legal family. And the Lord blesses only such families. Because of Prodigal cohabitation, God DOES NOT GIVE family happiness to your children, and if there is NO family happiness, then people’s destinies DESTROY. In prodigal cohabitations, SICK and defective children with BAD genes are usually born; as a rule, such children DO NOT have anything good in life, and their parents are GUILTY for this - because they lived in a civil marriage. Hegumen Georgy (Shestun)

Quarrels and swearing always end BADLY, even if people seem to have calmed down and reconciled, but in reality this is not the case, in every person’s soul there always remains and gradually ACCUMULATES a bitter, offensive aftertaste and emptiness. Unsolvable problems and grievances of a person, if they are NOT HEARD, do not want to UNDERSTAND, and are not taken into account, can sooner or later forever RUIN relationships between people, and in family life can LEAD TO THE DESTRUCTION of the family, to divorce! Our resentments, hostility, dissatisfaction and unkind feelings towards another person, if we DO NOT FORGIVE and do not put up with kindness, HAVE the ability to ACCUMULATE in the soul. If we DO NOT put up with each other kindly, if we do not strive to understand the other person, to give in to him, if we DO NOT WANT to agree with him, we do not want to take his opinion into account - then RESULTS accumulate in the souls of people and sooner or later late - families are DESTROYED. Therefore, if we kindly DO NOT FORGIVE each other, do not make peace with each other, then in the end all our grievances and claims against each other ACCUMULATE to a dangerous level, after which reconciliation between spouses is no longer POSSIBLE. Love and good feelings completely DISAPPEAR, giving way to bitterness and anger - families usually in this case fall apart. In addition to complete reconciliation between spouses, in order for grievances not to ACCUMULATE, and along with grievances, subconscious AGGRESSION in the souls of spouses, Repentance for sins and grievances is necessary, so that the Lord Himself will REMOVE from our souls all grievances, all aggression and discontent, and even itself - the memory of our grievances and claims to each other. When a lot of mutual grievances, dissatisfaction and claims against each other ACCUMULATE between spouses, then quarrels START to break out - over every trifle, which ultimately turns the family life of the spouses into a continuous battle and will not end well. Therefore, in order for the spouses to CALM DOWN and the long-awaited Peace and Harmony to come, it is necessary to GO to Confession in church and everything carefully - to confess and take communion. After this - it always COMES in the house - Big world and Harmony and people live calmly and then they are surprised - how they used to fight so much and often among themselves. Detailed confession of our quarrels, grievances and claims against each other completely RESTORES good family relationships. That is, when we honestly, without hiding anything and WITHOUT JUSTIFYING ourselves - confess to the priest WHY - we treat each other BADLY, get irritated, scream, swear, grumble, reproach and offend each other, do not give in, do not forgive - it is completely ERASED from our souls all the anger, all the discontent, all the irritability, all the grievances and claims towards each other, and our souls are FILLED with Peace, Love, and people begin to treat each other well and kindly and live peacefully. The house is restored - Peace and harmony, everyone feels good. Now you yourself understand how IMPORTANT sincere and detailed Repentance for your sins is. That is why the Sacrament of Repentance and the Sacrament of the Communion of the Holy Mysteries is the BEST medicine for the human soul and THE BEST MEANS- for IMPROVING family life and good marital relationships.

DANGER - JEALOUSY Jealousy is, as a rule, the ordinary SELFISHNESS of spouses. Many are jealous because they CONSIDER that a loved one is their PERSONAL PROPERTY – A THING. If a person’s jealousy is based - not on love, but on pure EGOISM, on the feeling of Ownership, on calculation - then such jealousy is INCORRECTABLE and very DANGEROUS. Then it is better to part with such a person, and it is dangerous to live with a jealous person. You should not confuse and mistake LOVE for Selfish jealousy - these are completely different things. To be jealous of someone who LOVES is complete senselessness and STUPIDITY, and to be jealous of someone who DOESN'T LOVE is simply Useless! Such people think only about themselves, so that only they feel good, and therefore, they consider themselves right to put forward their claims and dubious suspicions to their loved ones, to reproach, to RUIN their lives with scandals. They forget about the main thing, that RUDE, reproaches and swearing CANNOT force a person to love themselves, but it is very easy to LOSE your last feelings and relationships. Normal person- MAY BE a little jealous, but he IS JEALOUS - Silently, he doesn’t make a scandal because he doesn’t want to HURT his loved one with jealousy. And this feeling is normal, it shows that a person cares about another person. You won’t be forced to be nice! If a person DOESN’T LOVE you, then you will never MAKE him love you with RUDE, reproaches and scandals! On the contrary, you will only drive him away from you with your Bad Behavior and Wild Jealousy!

PARABLE - WHY PEOPLE QUARTER.

In one small town, two families live next door. Some spouses constantly quarrel, BLAMING each other for all troubles and finding out which of them is RIGHT, while others live peacefully and amicably, they have no quarrels, no scandals. The obstinate housewife marvels at her neighbor’s happiness. Jealous. He says to his husband: “Go and see how they do it so that everything is smooth and quiet.” He came to the neighbor's house and hid under open window. Watching. Listens. And the hostess is just putting things in order in the house. He wipes the dust off an expensive vase. Suddenly the phone rang, the woman got distracted, and put the vase on the edge of the table, so that it was about to fall. But then her husband needed something in the room. He caught a vase, it fell and broke. “Oh, what’s going to happen now!” the neighbor thinks. The wife came up, sighed with regret, and said to her husband: “I’m sorry, dear.” I AM GUILTY. I placed the vase so carelessly. - What are you doing, honey? It's my fault. I was in a hurry and didn’t notice the vase. Anyway. I’ll give you another flower vase, even more beautiful. ... The neighbor’s heart sank painfully, he began to think, and the neighbor realized why he and his wife were constantly quarreling. He came home upset. His wife to him: “What took you so long?” Have you looked? - Yes, he says, he looked! - Well, how are they doing? – They are all GUILTY, they all calm each other down, feel sorry for each other. But with us, everyone is RIGHT. Neither you nor I give in to each other. That's why we fight with you all the time.

If the husband DRINKS, then the wife must KNOW that by this the Lord is PUNISHING the wife and only the wife and therefore DOES NOT GIVE her happiness in family life.

For - INDIFFERENCE towards God.

For - committed own Sins, mainly for PRIDE, inflated self-esteem,

For - disrespect and DISOBEDIENCE - your husband,

For - constant dissatisfaction - with your husband and your life,

For wanting a LOT, for GREED and selfishness,

For - Spiritual NEGLIGENCE and oblivion of God - for lack of humility.

Therefore, before you BLAME your husband for being so bad and a drunkard, wouldn’t it be better to do your own Repentance and correction? After all, God punished you with your husband’s drunkenness, first of all, which means that God expects from you Repentance, and most importantly, obedience and zealous life according to the Laws of God. The whole trouble is that if many normal women who love and care for their families HAD good husbands who, just like their wives, would love their families and take care of them, then, as the old man says Paisiy: “Both spouses would fall asleep - in their little earthly family happiness.” And so, they would LOST - the Kingdom of Heaven. But it happens that the husband is really an incorrigible drunkard - from a drinking family - usually you CANNOT CORRECT such people and it is better to marry them - NOT TO MARRY. If a man LIKES to drink and he drinks - every day, not at all - without worrying that with his drinking he is not allowing his loved ones to live - why live with him? This is silly. Spouses must - PROTECT their Faith in God, so that family happiness, everyday life, worries about children and the household - would not wean them off from praying and going to Church. So that they do not grow cold towards God, otherwise there may be trouble. God STOPS helping people if he SEES that people HAVE BEEN PASSIONATE with their household chores and troubles, building earthly well-being, STOPPED praying, going to church, BECOME INDIFFERENT towards God, BECOME ungrateful and selfish people. Then God - Leaves such careless people and REMOVES from them His Divine COVER - which KEPT people - from troubles and misfortunes. Then people START having difficult problems in life. Then don't cry. Many family quarrels often HAPPEN - only because the husband and wife are BAD - praying or missing morning and evening prayers, they RARELY go to church and DO NOT REPENT of their sins - and because of this, there was no GOD'S COVER over this family - that's why quarrels began.

A GRANDMOTHER'S ADVICE TO HER GRAND DAUGHTER. ADDRESS from great-grandmother Fedosya Ermolaevna to my mother on her wedding day:

1. - NEVER FUCK - with your husband in front of your children. They WILL NOT respect you or your father. And if children stop respecting their parents, then they will STOP obeying, then there will be trouble.

2. - Never COMMANDER your husband, it’s better to make sure that he himself wants what you need.

3. – Keep Peace in your home. Learn to forgive and be the first to make peace. Quarrels, insults and rudeness RUIN families. Peace in the family is most precious.

4. - Never clean the house - in Bad mood. You'll spread even more dirt.

5. - Don’t be afraid and DON’T BE LAZY - study. A well-educated, intelligent, well-mannered wife has SMART, well-mannered children. And smart children usually have a great future and good families.

6. – DON’T BE JEALOUS – jealousy RUINS a family. If your husband loves you, he will not CHANGE, therefore KEEP - your spouse’s love and respect for yourself - then the husband will not go outside.

7. - Always prepare food - TASTY and beautiful, people are not animals to eat mush.

8. — The main thing in a family is RESPECT for each other. THERE WILL BE - respect - THERE WILL be love. And people are respected only for KINDNESS, HONESTY, RESPONSIBILITY and decency - therefore, we must all STRIVE to be GOOD people and treat people with respect. Repost! Copy and Post - on your pages and blogs and with friends. Everyone needs to KNOW about this. There will be MORE - GOOD families and good children! Which means there will be MORE good people!

Excerpts from the book - HOW TO OBTAIN A STRONG FAITH IN GOD.

A ban on ministry is one of the types of punishment (punishment) for clergy of the Orthodox Church, the essence of which is the temporary removal of clergy from conducting sacraments and services.

What should a priest be like?

The criteria for prohibition in ministry are fixed in church legislation; the final decision whether to remove a priest or not is made by the diocesan head - the bishop. Any reprimand is due to the fact that one or another minister of the church does not meet its requirements and conditions. The basic requirements for a clergyman were formulated by the Apostle Paul.

First of all, a clergyman is a person of impeccable life. Here we mean an authoritative, kind, understanding, exemplary Christian person, whom the flock should emulate.

A priest can only be married once; he must be reasonable, serious, hospitable, and capable of teaching. In any situation he must control himself, be a thrifty owner, a good father to his children (if he cannot cope with the household, then how can he manage the parish?). Clergymen should not be drunkards, brawlers, bullies, or greedy for money.

Only one whose actions and personal qualities have a good reputation can become a priest: both in the Church and outside it. Each applicant must pass certain tests before receiving rank, and if he does not pass them, the highest hierarchs will not allow him to serve. Often a priest is chosen from his community - the flock itself sees in him a leader, mentor and senior comrade.

The requirements for the competence of a pastor are quite high - in addition to deep personal faith in Christ, he must have appropriate education and broad knowledge of the history of the Church and its traditions.

A brilliant knowledge of doctrinal issues and the laws of the Church, the ability to distinguish true Christian positions from false ones - this is what a father should have. A true priest perceives his flock as his brothers in the faith, he is merciful and compassionate. And the one who destroys the souls of people, deceives them, should be prohibited from serving.

Reasons for prohibition in ministry

If a priest violates the requirements of the Orthodox Church, does not fulfill his “ job descriptions” in full, the bishop removes him from ministry. Most often, parishioners notify the clergy about unacceptable behavior of pastors.

This also applies to the personal life of a priest - if there has been adultery or his relationship has changed. Family status. A priest is forbidden to remarry, get divorced, or remarry if he was single when he was ordained. Also, a ban on ministry is used as a pre-trial measure during the investigation. For example, if the priest participated and/or is under suspicion of committing a crime: he took bribes, hooliganized, threatened, beat or even killed people.

If a pastor has lost faith or preaches a false teaching (heresy), he should not remain a priest. If a clergyman is rude, threatens parishioners, commits fornication - all this is a significant reason for removal from ministry. A low person cannot be a priest - he corrupts his flock and casts a shadow over the entire Church.

Often a ban on ministry is carried out for disciplinary reasons, the essence of which is disobedience to the bishop of the diocese. Such measures are temporary and do not seriously damage the priest’s authority.

Prohibition from serving in Catholicism

Unlike the Orthodox Church, the Catholic Church has its own specific prohibition procedure. This is due to the doctrinal doctrine, which states that the priesthood is established forever. A priest in Catholicism is prohibited from serving forever, which can be compared to the procedure that in Orthodoxy is called defrocking - this is the deprivation of a clergyman of the degree of priesthood (sanity).

Roman creed catholic church asserts that the sacrament of ordination, as well as baptism, has an indelible character for the ordained and it is impossible to deprive him of the status of a cleric, he is already an instrument of Christ.

Misbehavior and immoral acts do not deprive Catholic priest“The grace of the Holy Spirit” given to him at his initiation. Neither the diocesan leadership, nor even the head of the Catholic Church can make such a priest a layman. The clergy can prohibit a cleric from performing sacred rites, but all the sacraments that he performs are valid.

A priest I knew told me an unusual incident from his pastoral practice. He was accepting confession and wanted to clarify something or say something to the person confessing, but received a firm rebuff: “Father, I’m not talking to you, but I’m confessing to God, you are only a witness, as you just said in prayer, so I ask you not to interfere with me.” Also, some are surprised when a priest refuses to perform the Sacraments of Baptism and Marriage without preparation, comparing a church to a store - “I came to receive a “service” and am ready to pay for it, on what grounds am I being prevented from doing this? Moreover, I came to God.” Questions arise: what is the role of the priest in the temple and on what basis can he prevent people from accepting divine grace? On the other hand, is a consumer attitude appropriate to spiritual life, in which other laws and rules apply?

God Himself chose priests - His mediators: “ Whose sins you forgive, they will be forgiven; Whoever you leave it on, they will stay on it" (). The power of the clergy in the Church stems from its Founder - the God-man Jesus Christ and is bestowed by Him upon (ordination to the priesthood). A priest can only be ordained by a bishop; thus observed is the family tree of initiations, at the root of each of which is one of the 12 apostles.

The mission of the priesthood is to minister, teach, and govern. The refusal of a clergyman to the Sacraments of the Church is carried out either on the basis of the canons and rules of Church Councils, or on the basis of tradition and practice, which are built not on an empty whim, but on the basis of the spiritual experience of the Church.

This article does not claim to be unique, but only shows on the basis of what canons, rules and traditions a clergyman can refuse the Sacrament.

Can a priest refuse baptism?

The uniqueness of Baptism

Correctly performed Baptism involves leaving an indelible stamp on the person who receives it (Epistle of the Eastern Patriarchs, part 16), and therefore can never be repeated, even if the baptized person renounced Christianity, and then repented and again wished to return to Christianity. The basis of this rule is contained in the dogmatic truth that Baptism is a spiritual birth that cannot be repeated, and that it is performed in the image of the Death on the Cross and Resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ (), which followed only once. A priest who baptizes anyone again is subject to defrocking (47th Apostolic Canon).

However, in case of unknown whether baptism was performed on any person (for example, on an abandoned baby), church rules, in view of the absolute necessity of this Sacrament for salvation, command that this person be baptized without any doubt with a special rite (84th rule Council of Trullo; 83rd rule of the Council of Carthage).

Lack of desire to attend catechumens or in any other way become involved in the life and teaching of the Church (78th canon of the Trullo Council; 46th canon of the Laodicean Council).

The convictions of the catechumen are incompatible with the basic ones Christian dogmas .

A person cannot be baptized if he consciously clings to “non-church” mythologies and does not recognize at least one of the dogmas of the Creed:

Those who do not have true and sacred faith, and so proceed to baptism, (God) does not accept such people. Such was Simon, who, although baptized, was not awarded grace when... he did not have the perfection of faith .

Those who are baptized accept vain labor if they have doubts about the resurrection, since by baptism and immersion in the water of the font and ascent from it they proclaim death and resurrection, and in their words show disbelief in it .

If, even after receiving Baptism, a Christian shares the teachings of sects and movements incompatible with Christianity (paganism, Gnostic cults, astrology, theosophical and spiritualist societies, reformed Eastern religions, occultism, etc.), and even more so contributes to their spread, then thereby he will excommunicate himself from the Orthodox Church. Therefore, such a person cannot be allowed to enter.

Lack of desire to participate in church life.

Baptism is a sign of a revolution that has already taken place in a person’s life, and at the same time it is a gracious guarantee of further following Christ.

A person who knows that after baptism he will have little to do with the Church, and who is baptized “just in case,” cannot be admitted to Baptism.

Reluctance to give up sinful habits or committing acts incompatible with the high title of a Christian.

Repentance as a condition for admission to the Church manifests itself not only in the awareness of one’s sinfulness, but also as a real renunciation of a previous sinful life, “ so that the order of the previous life would be stopped"(St.).

It would be wrong to understand Baptism as a sure way to enroll in the ranks of Christ’s soldiers without a real desire to go to war with one’s own sin and temptations:

The font provides remission of sins committed, not those committed(not those that still dominate the soul).

If the person being baptized has no intention of living like a Christian, that is, forcing himself to fulfill the commandments of the Gospel - "water remains water"(St.), since the Holy Spirit does not save if there is no human will to do so.

- all forms of occultism: wearing amulets, witchcraft, seeking help from fortune tellers, "grandmothers", healers, psychics and astrologers, belief in reincarnation (transmigration of souls), karma and omens .

Before accepting Baptism, the catechumen is obliged to repent and express a desire to fight his passions:

One must approach baptism by first renouncing one’s sins and condemning them. .

He who has not corrected his moral shortcomings and has not prepared himself for virtues should not be baptized. For this font can forgive past sins; but the fear is not small and the danger is significant, lest we return to them again, and the medicine becomes an ulcer for us. After all, the greater the grace, the more severe the punishment will be for those who subsequently sin .

If a person repents and wants to change his lifestyle, then no degree of his previous moral decline is an obstacle to his acceptance of Baptism:

There is no sin that could surpass the generosity of the Master. But even if someone is a fornicator, an adulterer, an arm-fornicator, a homosexual, a libertine, a robber, a covetous person, a drunkard, an idolater, so great is the power of the gift and the Lord’s love for mankind that He erases all this and makes the one who showed only good intentions brighter than themselves sun rays .

However, if the catechumen commits a grave sin during the catechumen, his Baptism must be postponed for the period of correction and bearing the fruits of repentance.

Wrong motives.

A person striving for Baptism with the wrong motives will take on obligations that he does not think to fulfill, but for which he will have to answer. Similar people it is necessary to warn against this kind of action, because feigned Baptism is unlikely to bring them closer to God:

To firmly believers the Holy Spirit is given immediately upon baptism, but to the unfaithful and evil-believing it is not given after baptism.(Reverend).

Therefore, without repentance, but only with a complacent impulse “toward something sublime, heavenly and beautiful,” one cannot be baptized:

Be careful not to come to those baptizing(to the priests) , like Simon, is hypocritical, while your heart does not seek the truth... for the Holy Spirit tests the soul, and does not cast pearls before swine, if you are a hypocrite, then people will baptize you now, but the Spirit will not baptize .

On the inadmissibility of Baptism for a person who has lost his mind or is in an unconscious state

It is unacceptable to perform the Sacrament of Baptism on a person who has lost his mind or is unconscious, who has not previously expressed a firm desire to receive Baptism:

If even to draw up wills, according to human law, it is necessary to be in full consciousness, so that wills begin with the words: “I, while alive, being in full and sound mind, make an order about my property,” then is it possible for someone who Lost consciousness and can't say a word?

After all, when the one who is about to be enlightened no longer recognizes his neighbors, does not hear the voice, cannot answer the words with which this blessed agreement is concluded with the Lord common to us all, but lies no different from a dead man, what benefit will there be from accepting the sacrament? in such an unconscious state? .

Baptism can be performed on a person who has lost his mind or is in an unconscious state (for example, in a coma) only if such a person has unconditionally firmly expressed his intention to be baptized in the near future and to believe in God as the Orthodox Church believes in Him. Not in halftones (“maybe I’m being baptized,” “it would be nice to be baptized...”), but with certainty.

During the Baptism of catechumens in an unconscious state, recipients vouch for them, taking responsibility for this and pronouncing vows and the Creed for them.

Decision not to admit to Baptism can be declared a priest only after he has exhausted all possible ways overcoming certain errors, pagan prejudices or sins of the catechumen. Such a decision must be patiently and lovingly conveyed to the unbaptized person, explaining the reason for the impossibility of his participation in the Sacrament of Baptism at the present moment, as well as offering further assistance in preparing for Baptism.

Special cases

Baptism of the seriously ill

Persons whose illness poses a danger to their life are allowed to be baptized immediately (without announcement), but with an exhortation to continue studying Christian teaching after his recovery. But at the same time, the priest must be convinced that the patient is of sound mind and full memory.

Cases of possession

Possessed or possessed evil spirit(and, therefore, those who turn away from the shrine and blaspheme it, albeit unconsciously) cannot be baptized until they recover, except in a situation of mortal danger.

Baptism of pregnant women

The 26th rule of the Neocaesarea Council prescribes “ who is in her womb to baptize if she wants».

About those who are in female uncleanness

Women during Women's Day cannot proceed to the baptismal font (except in exceptional cases of mortal danger).

Baptism of persons who, at their request, have had their gender changed

The “Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church” contains instructions on how a priest should act in such cases:

If a “change of sex” occurred to a person before Baptism, he can be admitted to this Sacrament, like any sinner, but the Church baptizes him as belonging to the sex in which he was born.

On the baptism of “strange looking” newborns

If a woman gives birth to “someone of a strange appearance and alien nature” (that is, if the person born cannot be called a human), and if he does not have a human image, let him not be baptized. If there is any doubt about this, let him be baptized with the following reservation:

If it is a man, the servant of God is baptized(Name) in the name of the Father...

Can a priest refuse confession and absolution?

The sacrament of confession cannot be performed on unbaptized people, because church sacraments(except for Baptism) only members of the Church can participate. It is also impossible to make a confession if a person is not aware of his actions (for example, he is unconscious, or if the person’s mind is clouded, or he is in a state of alcoholic or drug intoxication, etc.). During confession, the priest may not read the prayer of permission if the person who comes to confession does not repent of his sins and does not have the intention to stop serious, mortal sins.

Can a priest refuse Communion? (in details ).

Requirements for preparation for Holy Communion:

1. Practice of preparatory fasting.(Fasting in the form of abstinence from fast food and withdrawal from entertainment, accompanied by fervent prayer and repentance. The duration and measure of fasting before holy communion may vary depending on the internal state of the Christian, as well as the objective conditions of his life). In the established tradition of the R.P.C. fasting is 3 days for the faithful.

2. Eucharistic fast- complete abstinence from food and drink from midnight until Holy Communion. This fast is canonically obligatory (41st rule of the Council of Carthage). At the same time, the requirement of Eucharistic fasting does not apply to infants, as well as to persons suffering from severe acute or chronic diseases that require the incessant intake of medicines or food (as, for example, with diabetes), and to the dying. In addition, this requirement, at the discretion of the confessor, can be relaxed in relation to pregnant and lactating women.

3. To abstain from marital intercourse during the period of preparation for Holy Communion(The 5th rule of Timothy of Alexandria speaks of abstinence on the eve of communion), can change and depends on the spiritual dispensation of the person preparing for communion, as well as the objective conditions of his life.

4. Stop smoking, those who do not yet have the strength for this should abstain from smoking from midnight, and, if possible, from the evening on the eve of communion, can change and depends on the spiritual structure of the person preparing for communion, as well as the objective conditions of his life.

5. In accordance with the resolution of the Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church of November 28, 1968, “When celebrating the Divine Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts in the evening hours, abstinence for those receiving communion from eating and drinking should be no less than 6 hours, however, abstinence before communion from midnight from the beginning of the given day is very commendable and can be adhered to by those who are physically strong.”.One should also be guided by a minimum six-hour norm of abstinence when preparing for communion at the Divine Liturgy performed at night (for example, on the holidays of Holy Easter and the Nativity of Christ).

6. Preparation for communion consists not only of refusing certain foods, but also of attending more frequently. church services, as well as in committing prayer rule.(The prayer rule usually includes canons to the Savior, Mother of God, Guardian Angel and other prayers (see “The rule for those preparing to serve and those who want to partake of the Holy Divine Mysteries, the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ” in the Following Psalter). The prayer rule can change and depends on the spiritual dispensation of the person preparing for communion, as well as the objective conditions of his life.

7. Participation in the Divine Liturgy, presence in the services preceding it - first of all, Vespers and Matins (or all-night vigil) - is an important part of the preparation for receiving the Holy Body and Blood of Christ. (If the communicant did not fully participate in the Divine service or does not fulfill the to the fullest prayer rule, the clergyman must encourage him to do this and raise the question of exclusion from the Sacrament).

8. Neglect of the Sacrament of the Body and Blood of Christ is being late for the Divine Liturgy, especially when believers arrive at the temple after reading the apostle and the Gospel. In the event of such a delay, the confessing or communing priest may decide not to allow the person to enter the Holy Chalice. An exception must be made for people with disabilities, nursing mothers, infants and accompanying adults.

9. Anyone preparing for Holy Communion makes a test of his conscience, which involves sincere repentance for committed sins and revealing them to the priest in the Sacrament of Repentance .

Reasons for refusal:

A) It is unacceptable to receive communion in a state of embitterment, anger, in the presence of severe unconfessed sins or unforgiven grievances. Those who dare to approach the Eucharistic Gifts in such a state of soul expose themselves to the judgment of God, according to the words of the Apostle: “Whoever eats and drinks unworthily eats and drinks condemnation for himself, without considering the Body of the Lord. That is why many of you are weak and many are dying.” ().

B) When serious sins are committed, the application of the canons regarding excommunication from communion for long periods (more than one year) can only be carried out with the blessing of the diocesan bishop. If a priest abuses the right to impose reprimands, the issue may be referred to a church court.

C) The canons prohibit communion in a state of female uncleanness(2nd canon of the saint, 7th canon of Timothy of Alexandria). An exception may be made in case of mortal danger, as well as when bleeding continues for a long time due to a chronic or acute disease.

D) Mandatory civil marriage and necessity of church marriage .

According to the instructions of the Trebnik (Canon 13 of the First Ecumenical Council), a dying person can be given communion at any time, even if he is under penance, i.e. excommunicated from church communion (7th Rule of the Carthage Council, 2nd and 5th Rules), according to a reduced rite, while there is no need to comply with all the conditions that are established for the communion of healthy persons. However, by the very nature of the Sacrament of Communion, it cannot be awarded to a person who is unconscious, or to a stubborn sinner who does not want to be reconciled with the Church. Finally, it is completely unacceptable and insane to imitate the Sacrament of Communion with the remains of those who have already given up the ghost and gone to the judgment of the Heavenly Judge. As Canon 83 of the Trullo Council states, “Let no one give the Eucharist to the bodies of the dead. For it is written: take, eat. But they can neither accept nor eat the bodies of the dead.”

The Eucharist is the central Sacrament of the Church. Regular communion is necessary for a person to be saved, in accordance with the words of the Lord Jesus Christ: “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. He who eats My Flesh and drinks My Blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.” ().

Can a priest refuse to perform a wedding?

“Marriage is the union of a man and a woman, a communion of life, a participation in divine and human right.” Modestine (III century, Roman lawyer).

The obstacles can be absolute, precluding a certain person from marrying anyone, or conditional, making it impossible for a certain person to marry because of their family relationship. In addition, there are different obstacles due to which a marriage is considered invalid from the moment of its conclusion and therefore subject to dissolution. There may also be some obstacles, the discovery of which does not entail the dissolution of the marriage, but subjects both the newlyweds and the priest who married them to canonical reprimands.

1. Absolute obstacles:

A) A person who is married cannot enter into a new one, because a Christian marriage is unconditionally monogamous, i.e. monogamous;

B) As for the priesthood, the 26th Apostolic Canon allows only readers and singers to marry after being ordained to church service. According to the 6th canon of the Trullo Council, marriage is prohibited not only for clergy, but also for subdeacons;

IN) According to the 16th canon of the Council of Chalcedon, the 44th canon of the Trullo Council, the 5th canon of the Double Council of Constantinople, the 18th and 19th canons of the saint, monks and nuns are prohibited from marrying after taking their vows;

G) An incompletely dissolved or non-annulled marriage, as well as in accordance with church law, widowhood after a third marriage is considered an absolute obstacle to a new marriage. According to the “Tomos of Unity” (920), published by the Patriarchal Synod under Patriarch Nicholas of Constantinople (901-907; 912-925), “no one should dare to enter into a 4th marriage.” And if such a marriage is concluded, then it should be considered non-existent;

D) An obstacle to marriage is guilt in the dissolution of a previous marriage. A person guilty of adultery due to which his first marriage was dissolved cannot enter into a new marriage. This position follows from the evangelical moral teaching and practice of the Ancient Church. This norm is also reflected in church legislation (“Nomocanon” 11, 1, 13, 5; Helmsman, Chapter 48; Prochiron, Chapter 49. The same norm is repeated in Article 253 of the Charter of Spiritual Consistories).

E) An obstacle to marriage is also physical and spiritual incapacity for it (idiocy, mental illness, depriving a person of the opportunity to freely express his will). Charter of Spiritual Consistories (Articles 205, 208);

Yo) There are certain age limits for marriage. Since then, two ages of majority for marriage have been established in Russia: civil - 18 and 16 years old and church - 15 and 13 years old. The Holy Synod, on the basis of instructions given by Patriarch Adrian († 1700), prohibited persons over the age of 80 from entering into marriage. Persons between the ages of 60 and 80 must seek permission from the bishop to get married.

2) Conditional:

A) The absence of a close blood relationship between the bride and groom is a necessary condition for marriage;

B) Relationships of property serve as an obstacle to marriage; they arise from the rapprochement of two clans through the marriage of their members. Property is equated to blood relationship, for husband and wife are one flesh. The in-laws are: father-in-law and son-in-law, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, stepfather and stepdaughter, brother-in-law and son-in-law (Trul. Sob. Law. 54; Helmsman ch. 54);

IN) An obstacle to marriage is also the presence of spiritual kinship. Spiritual kinship arises as a result of the newly baptized person’s perception of the baptismal font. The decree of the Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church of January 19, 1810 denies the relationship of spiritual kinship between the children of the recipient and the recipient and between the recipient and the recipient. The Synod finds an obstacle to marriage only in the relationship between the recipient and the recipient, as well as the parents of the latter;

G) The obstacle to marriage arises from the relationship of so-called civil kinship - adoption;

D) Mutual consent of those entering into marriage is an indispensable condition for the legality and validity of the marriage;

E) An important condition for recognition of the validity of marriage is unity of religion:

“With regard to mixed marriages of Orthodox Christians with non-Orthodox or non-Christians, a decision was made:

a) the marriage of Orthodox Christians with non-Orthodox Christians is prohibited by canonical acrivia and is not celebrated (72nd rule of the Trullo Council). He can be blessed through condescension and love for mankind, provided that the children from this marriage are baptized and raised in the Orthodox Church.

b) marriage between Orthodox Christians and non-Christians is categorically prohibited according to the canonical law" .

Christians also marry through a church blessing and through marriage registration accepted in the state.

Weddings are prohibited during all four multi-day fasts; during Cheese Week (Maslenitsa); on Bright (Easter) Week; from the Nativity of Christ (January 7) to Epiphany (January 19); on the eve of the twelve holidays; on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays throughout the year; September 10, 11, 26 and 27 (in connection with strict fasting for the Beheading of John the Baptist and the Exaltation of the Holy Cross); on the eve of patronal church days (each church has its own). The days on which weddings are permitted are marked in the Orthodox calendar.

Can a priest refuse to perform unction?

Any baptized person can receive unction Orthodox Christian having the blessing of a priest for this. Children under 7 years old, as a rule, are not given unction.

There is a misunderstanding of the essence of the Sacrament of Unction, which is expressed in the fact that it is allegedly required only by the dying and only for the remission of sins. This sacrament was established by the Holy Church according to the words of the holy Apostle James: “If any of you is sick, let him call the elders of the Church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will heal the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him.”(). The prayers of the Rite of Anointing speak not of death, but of a return to life, but a renewed life, cleansed of sins.

Is it possible to administer unction to a sick person when he is unconscious??

– Participation in all Sacraments must be conscious and voluntary.

If a sick person who is in an unconscious state has previously participated in church sacraments and expressed a conscious desire to receive unction at a time when he could give an account of his actions, then the possibility of performing the Sacrament of Anointing on him should be consulted with a priest.

Is it possible to unction infants??

– For infants under seven years of age, the Sacrament of Anointing is not performed based on the words of the Apostle James: “let him call the elders... and if he has committed sins, they will forgive him”(), presuming in the sick person the strength of faith, the presence of spirit and the consciousness of his sins.

Can a priest refuse to perform a funeral service?

During the funeral service, the priest calls the deceased “My spiritual child.” As one priest remarked: what kind of child is this if I see him for the first time in my life, and then in a coffin...

The entire funeral service is aimed at seeing off a church member, a churchgoer, on his last journey.

The Church bids farewell to the dead, a funeral service is performed over them, and they are buried in a specially consecrated place. This place is called a cemetery. In ancient times, it was forbidden to bury the dead in churches, because the relics of martyrs were kept in them. It is forbidden to perform funeral services:

1. Non-believers;
2. Infidels;
3. Non-Orthodox;
4. Unrepentant sinners (people who were obvious atheists and did not bring peace in this);
5. Funeral services for suicides are prohibited in Church Tradition, but bearing in mind the 14th rule of Patriarch Timothy of Alexandria, that for persons who committed suicide in a state of mental disorder, a funeral service can be performed in absentia, if this disorder is confirmed by appropriate medical evidence .

But at the same time there is “The rite of prayerful consolation of relatives who died without permission”, which does not have a prayer intercession for the person who committed suicide, but is a rite that can be performed many times, whenever the relatives of the person who committed suicide turn to the priest for consolation in the grief that has befallen them.

If the relatives of a person who has committed suicide contact the priest with a request for remembrance, the priest can do so in his cell prayer in the words of the venerable one.

But with all these rules, ultimately, “The Church can, of course, perform funeral services only for those who belong to it,” following from the fact that deceased Christians remain members of the Church, and therefore the Church offers its prayers for them as well as for its living members , and commemoration of them is performed during the Divine Liturgy and requiem service.

Can a priest assign penance without the desire of the penitent? Who can remove penance?

“Penance [Greek] ἐπιτίμιον], church punishment (ban) imposed on the laity." the main objective penance does not consist in retribution to believers for criminal acts or protecting them from such, but in healing painful states of the soul of sinners. In the rules of the Holy Fathers, repentance is considered as “healing” (Vas. Vel. 3; Grig. Nis. 8; Trul. 102).

“The essence of church punishments... is that a transgressor of church canons is deprived of all or only some of the rights and benefits that are at the exclusive disposal of the church. Hence the common name for these church punishments: “excommunication” (ἀφορισμός, excommunicatio). It can be either complete, consisting in the complete exclusion of the criminal from among the members of the church (ἀνάθεμα, excommunicatiomajor), or incomplete, when the guilty person is deprived of only some rights and benefits at the disposal of the church.” .

Can a priest assign penance without the desire of the penitent?

At present, the ancient practice of penance is not applied in all severity, but the confessor still has the right to choose between a milder punishment and strict instructions, if this serves to heal the soul of the sinner.

Thus, “penance, as a rule, comes down to sanctions of an ascetic nature “A priest can impose penance only in the form of bowing, giving alms, especially zealous prayers of repentance» and informal excommunication from communion for a short period. And such severe punishments as long-term excommunication from communion or anathematization are imposed only by decision of a church court and only for offenses of such a level as organizing a schism.” Albert BONDACH, teacher of the history of sources of church law at PSTGU.

At the same time, the very question of the right to impose penance and remove it must proceed from a correct understanding of the very spiritual life of the believer himself, but if the priest does not see this, then he must explain and convey to the understanding of the believer the norms of church life.

Who can remove penance?

There is no rule according to which only the priest who imposed it can dispense with penance.

Currently, the majority of parishioners are not connected to the church by community life, and therefore the very practice of church bans has lost its system and practice. At the present time, the main task of pastoral care is to show, as it is said in the clergy’s handbook, that penance should help the sinned Christian, firstly, to realize the extent of his sin and feel its seriousness, and secondly, to give him the strength to stand up again, to inspire him with hope for God's mercy, thirdly, gave him the opportunity to show determination in his repentance.

And the main thing that a person must understand is that penance is not a means of binding, but receiving necessary recommendations along the path of spiritual life. Thus, in spiritual life, penance is “wings” and not “bridle”.

Interpretation of Balsamon on the 11th rule of the Council of Ippon, Rev. Homily 4. On baptism" (47th canon of the Council of Laodicea)

Prot. Canon law.

Orthodox Encyclopedia. T 18. M, 2013. P. 533.

Church law course. St. Petersburg, 2002. P. 296.

Orthodox Encyclopedia. T 18. M, 2013. P. 535.

Orthodox Christians before some important matter or event, they usually go to church and ask the priest for a blessing. Why is this necessary?

What's the point

The fact is that a priest is a mediator between God and people, and by turning to him for a blessing, you receive the support of Higher powers. If the Lord himself approved your work, then you receive spiritual help from Him. The very word “blessing” means that you are receiving a word from God for the good of your soul.

In the old days, nothing serious was undertaken without a blessing. It was believed that a business started without a blessing was doomed to failure, or even plunged a person into danger: for example, a merchant who went with goods to another city could be attacked by robbers along the way.

Blessings are asked, as a rule, for some important events for a person - trips, operations, treatment, admission to an educational institution, getting a job, marriage, starting a project.

How to ask correctly

The blessing is asked after the liturgy. If there are several priests in the temple, then it is better to take the blessing from the one who is higher in rank.

As a ritual, blessing is a special type of sign of the cross. At the same time, the believer who asks for a blessing must fold his hands into a cross - right palm over left, palms up, and say the words: “Bless, father.” After receiving the blessing, you must kiss the priest’s hand - this symbolizes kissing Christ’s hand.

Can a priest refuse?

Maybe if he considers that your case goes against religious canons. For example, there are restrictions on some actions during the post. It is also unlikely that you will receive a blessing for divorce or abortion: according to church rules, this is unacceptable. Definitely, the priest will not give a blessing for something that has a dubious moral side. So, you shouldn’t ask him for his blessing if, for example, you get a job in a nightclub.