Ekaterina Morozova

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The term “bullying” today, unfortunately, is well known to many parents of children who have been bullied by their classmates. Bullying is systematically repeated bullying, violence against a specific student who, for one reason or another, is unable to defend himself. This problem can affect both a high school student and a child in grades 3-4. In grades 1-2, as a rule, this does not happen.

For a child of any age, bullying becomes a difficult ordeal. How to help your child?

Signs of a victim in school bullying - how to understand that a child is being bullied by other children?

Not every child admits to their parents that they have become a victim of bullying. And only parents’ attention to the slightest changes in his condition will help save a child from moral suffering and deep psychological trauma.

As a rule, the following symptoms can indicate that a child is being bullied at school:

• The child often follows the lead of other children and is afraid to express his own opinion.
• The child is often offended, insulted, ridiculed.
• The child is unable to defend himself in a fight or argument.
• Bruises, torn clothes and briefcases, and “lost” things are a common occurrence.
• The child avoids crowds, group games, clubs.
• The child has no friends.
• During recess, the child tries to stay close to adults.
• The child is afraid to go to the board.
• The child has no desire to go to school or extracurricular activities.
• The child does not go to visit friends.
• The child is often in under stress, bad mood. May snap, be rude, or withdraw into himself.
• The child loses his appetite, sleeps poorly, suffers from headaches, gets tired quickly and is unable to concentrate.
• The child began to study worse.
• He constantly looks for excuses not to go to school and began to get sick often.
• The child goes to school using different routes.
• Pocket money often goes missing.

Of course, these signs can mean not only bullying, but if you find all these symptoms in your child, take immediate action.

Video: Bullying. How to stop bullying?

Signs of an aggressor in bullying among school children - when should adults be wary?

According to surveys in the capital, about 12% of children at least once participated in bullying their classmates. And the figure remains greatly underestimated, due to the reluctance of children to publicly admit their aggression towards other people.

And it is not at all necessary that the aggressor is a child from a dysfunctional family. More often than not, it's just the opposite. However, to determine one or another social environment it is simply impossible, because the status of the family does not at all affect the manifestation of aggression in a child. The aggressor can be a child from a rich and successful family, a “nerd” offended by the world, simply the “leader” of the class.

Only a teacher, as the person who remains closest to the children during their studies, is able to spot the signs of beginning aggression in a timely manner.

But parents should also be careful.

There is a clear reason to be wary and take a closer look at the child’s behavior if...

• He easily manipulates other children.
• His friends slavishly obey him in everything.
• They are afraid of him in class.
• For him there is only black and white. The child is a maximalist.
• He easily judges other people without even understanding the situation.
• He is capable of aggressive actions.
• He often changes friends.
• More than once he was “caught” by you insulting, ridiculing other children, in fights, etc.
• He is capricious and cocky.

Of course, it is shameful, scary and painful to find out that your child is a participant in bullying. But the label “aggressor” is not a death sentence for a child, but a reason to help your child cope with this test.

Remember that children become aggressors for a reason, and a child will definitely not be able to cope with this problem alone.

Video: Children's bullying. How to deal with bullying at school?

Why is bullying at school dangerous?

Unfortunately, bullying is a common occurrence today. And not only in schools, and not only in Russia.

Among the varieties of this phenomenon one can also note:

1. , psycho-terror). An example of the phenomenon is well shown in the film "Scarecrow". Unlike bullying, a mobber can only be one student or a small group of “authorities”, and not the whole class (as in bullying).
2. Huizing. This type of violence is more common in closed institutions. It represents violent “rites of passage,” a kind of “hazing,” and the imposition of degrading actions.
3. Cybermobbing and cyberbullying. This online bullying is usually transferred to the virtual world from the real one. As a rule, the victim does not even know who exactly is hiding behind the masks of the offenders who insult her, send threats, bully her on the Internet, post the victim’s personal data publicly, etc.

The consequences of bullying can be very sad. Such cruelty can lead to an even harsher response.

For example, the majority of schoolchildren who were taken away from schools (in different countries) in handcuffs after shooting and stabbing - just victims of bullying, bullying, open dislike for themselves.

Cruelty always “deforms” the child’s psyche.

The consequences of bullying can be:

• Retaliatory aggression and violence.
• Outbursts on weaker classmates, friends, brothers/sisters.
• Psychological trauma, the appearance of complexes, loss of self-confidence, development of mental disorders, etc.
• The formation of antisocial traits in a child, the emergence of a tendency to various addictions.
• And the worst thing is suicide.

How to deal with school bullying, how to stop children’s bullying - step-by-step instructions for adults

If parents (teachers) know for sure about the fact of bullying, measures must be taken immediately.

Any children who stand out from the crowd in some way may be at risk, but this does not mean that they need to become part of the herd. Independence must be defended.

Teach your child to behave correctly: you can be different from everyone else, but at the same time be the life of the party, and not the person everyone wants to kick.

Excessive self-confidence or hyper-shyness are the enemies of a child. We need to get rid of them.

Besides…

1. Collect advantages. That is, increase the child’s self-esteem and rid him of complexes. Healthy self-confidence is the key to success.
2. Good endurance is a character trait of a strong-willed person. You also need to be able to ignore with dignity.
3. Don't be afraid of anything. Here everything is like with dogs: if it feels that you are afraid of it, it will definitely attack. A child should always feel confident, and for this he needs to overcome fears and complexes.
4. Develop a sense of humor in your child. In many situations, a well-timed joke is enough to cool hot heads and defuse the situation.
5. Expand your child's opportunities for communication.
6. Let your child express himself. Don't force him into the framework you created. How bigger baby realizes himself, the more trained his strengths, the higher his self-confidence.

How to help your child if he does become a victim of bullying?

• We teach the child to record facts of bullying (dictaphone, camera, photos and screenshots, etc.).
• We turn to the teacher with evidence - and look for a way out with the class teacher and the parents of the aggressors.
• We turn to a psychologist or psychiatrist (state, licensed!), who can document the fact of moral harm inflicted on the child.
• If there are no changes, we write complaints to the school director. Further, if there is no result - to the commission on juvenile affairs.
• If the reaction is still zero, we write complaints about the inaction of the above-described addressees to the Department of Education, the Commissioner for Human Rights, and also to the prosecutor’s office.
• Don’t forget to collect all the receipts - for medications for the child to treat mental and other injuries, for doctors, for tutors if you had to miss school due to bullying, for property damaged by aggressors, for lawyers, etc.
• We record injuries, if any, and contact the police with a statement and paper from the medical institution/institution.
• Next, we file a lawsuit demanding compensation for moral damages and losses.
• Let's not forget about the public outcry. It is he who often helps to quickly solve a problem and makes all the “cogs” in the education system move, etc. Write posts on social networks in relevant groups, write to the media that deal with such problems, etc.

And, of course, we don’t forget to instill confidence in the child and explain that Bullying is not the problem.

Have there been similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

Psychology and pedagogy

Extracurricular activities

Child bullying as a type of violence. Problem child bullying(bullying) at school

In Russia, the concept of bullying is most often used as a synonym for school bullying. There is also a distinction between the term mobbing (from the English mob - crowd), when several people are the aggressors.

Types of bullying:

Psychological violence: bullying, offensive jokes, insults, threats, humiliation, social isolation (for example, boycott), psychological pressure, spreading rumors, etc.

Physical violence: beating, cruel treatment, damage to property.

What are the causes of bullying? Bullying situations often arise as a result of a combination of factors. And yet, even if many factors are present, bullying may not occur directly. That said, let's look at the factors that increase the likelihood of bullying:

Artificially assembled group. The children themselves did not choose to be in this group, and also cannot voluntarily leave it. The group does not meet the child’s interests; the child does not choose the activity himself. Bullying is unlikely in a situation, for example, a hobby group or even a yard company, because the child is busy with what interests him and can leave the group at any time. That is, almost all school groups find themselves at risk in one way or another.

Teacher's position. Most often, bullying begins before the eyes of teachers. For some reason, teachers do not stop children’s cruelty, and, perhaps, unknowingly in some way support bullying, for example, an inconvenient child, the situation continues to gain momentum.

"Uncomfortable in a group". Bullying often starts in groups where there are not enough mechanisms to regulate the rules. Some children need to feel their influence on the group, monitor their status in the group, while others need it to be clear what is happening and some kind of predictability.

Violence in the family of the aggressor. A child who is “under attack” in his family is in stressful situation. Often children who turn out to be aggressors and hurt others suffer violence and humiliation in their family. And in the group they show their strength and capabilities in the way they know how - they show violence towards others and become, albeit temporarily, more strong position, in which they can decide something.

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Who is vulnerable to bullying? Myths about bullying

When discussing a bullying situation, there is a great temptation to start discussing the “victim” of bullying: what is wrong with her/him, and how to get him/her to change his/her behavior. This is what they are aimed at life advice: “don’t pay attention”, “smile more”, “lose weight”, etc. Unfortunately, based on work experience, this approach to correcting the situation turns out to be not only unhelpful, but also harmful. Instead of discussing the characteristics of the victim, it is worth switching to the situation in the group, as well as the intolerance of abuse/terrorism.

Absolutely any child can become a victim of bullying. A child with the same characteristics will be bullied in one group, but not in another. Moreover, children who become bullies and victims in the classroom can interact peacefully in another environment (for example, in the absence of other group members). Bullying is a group systemic process.

Also, when working with bullying, it is worth remembering that bullying is not a conflict between children. In a conflict, there are two parties who could not come to an agreement, do not know how to communicate, and so on. In a bullying situation, unacceptable actions are directed only at the “victim”.

A common myth is that only the “poor victim” suffers from bullying. This is not true, and numerous studies have shown that both witnesses to bullying and active bullies can suffer psychological harm.

Ways to prevent and overcome bullying. General recommendations.

Usually, when teachers begin to worry about a situation, a search begins preventive measures. However, it is important to understand at what stage of development of bullying the situation is, because Preventive measures may be useless as well as harmful to the bullying situation.

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What can be an effective prevention of bullying?

To prevent bullying, what you have is enough class. Here are some ways you can use to improve your classroom atmosphere:

Team building. Team building training can be conducted by a teacher, school psychologist or an invited specialist. The adult takes responsibility and gathers a group, teaches the children to cooperate to achieve common goals. The desires of class leaders to be the center of attention can be realized in a safe and dignified way; during classes, the children learn to listen and support each other.

Working with group rules. This is very useful work for a group, it can also be carried out as part of a training. The most important thing is that children will discuss how to act with each other and how not to, and agree together. During discussions, children often have their own point of view, they select arguments, etc. Such a process requires a special leader who can pay attention to everyone and not push the rules that he likes.

Accompanying new children, supervising “experienced” newcomers. “Newbies” often feel uncomfortable in a group at first. If the class is interested, you can assign chaperones for new children (you can even from older classes), or divide the roles. If children take responsibility for some area of ​​class life (bringing up those who are behind in their studies, organizing concerts and tea parties, etc.) - this is also an opportunity to realize the child’s abilities.

Discussions with children. Situations when a teacher invites children to speak out and discuss something can also be useful for the participants. You can discuss situations in class, you can discuss some world situations, and you can also watch and discuss cartoons, including those about bullying. Discussion of the situation of bullying, when children can figure out for themselves what can be done in different situations, how they can help a friend, etc. - this is also prevention. There is no need to be embarrassed by such a conversation; on the contrary, children feel more mature and more responsible when they discuss different real situations.

Reaction to bullying. Bullying often occurs with the knowledge of the teacher. For “victims” of bullying, it is scary and incomprehensible when there is an adult who cannot influence the situation and protect the child. It is very important that teachers react, speak about the inadmissibility of violence, terror, including verbal terror, and stop it.

You shouldn’t feel sorry and stand up for the “victim” calling on others to show pity - this often intensifies the situation of bullying.

There is also no need to disassemble and discuss what is wrong with the “victim”. Even if the child has some special behavior/habits, etc. - when it comes to a bullying situation, it's not about that, it's about the violence that is committed against a child at school. And even changes in habits, in most cases, may not change this situation. Children may not be friends, but they should not bully each other.

The teacher must speak - this can be done in different ways - with the idea that bullying is unacceptable. Refuse to consider bullying “normal”, “it just happened”, “nothing can be done.” One teacher’s position on this issue means a lot to students. The value of this position increases many times over in elementary school.

Very important do not attack aggressors, do not shame them for bullying. Unfortunately, many children themselves do not always understand what is happening to them when they bully someone - this is behavior that is not very conscious. Instead, you should work with the class to figure out how to deal with bullying, how to make sure it doesn’t happen, because bullying is wrong and unacceptable. In the video lecture, Lyudmila Petranovskaya offers a technology for discussing with children the situation of bullying in the classroom, when bullying already exists.

Supporting Positive Change. It is important for children when adults react. Positive Feedback- this is something that can support the guys on the path to the desired result. Sometimes teachers prefer to “ignore” small achievements because they are still far from the goal. However, it is more effective to notice and even celebrate small successes. This could be a tea party or a game about the fact that bullying has been out of class for a week/2 weeks or something else - your choice.

When the acute phase of bullying ends, it is worth thinking about what can support the class, make it more friendly, etc. At this stage, it is good to work individually with the “victim” of bullying in order to support and help overcome the negative experience. If there is no bullying in the class, this good point to return to the prevention stage and think about quests, games, etc. again.

The methods of early childhood development developed by Maria Montessori have become widespread. According to her methodology, every child is special. He must develop and learn in free space with the support of loving adults. The purpose of this book is to show the difference between preschool and school groups, as well as identify potential primary school, working according to the Montessori system, and the prospects for its development in our country. Today, Montessori preschool groups have become quite widespread in Russia. But parents who want to continue their children's Montessori education have a fair question about elementary school. This book is intended to show the difference between preschool and school groups, as M. Montessori herself defined, and also to identify the potential of this primary school, widespread in the world, and the prospects for its development in our country. Intended for parents and educators, the book will be useful for teachers and students of pedagogical educational institutions.

Hello dear readers. Today we will talk about what bullying is at school. You will find out what are the reasons for this phenomenon. Find out how it manifests itself. You will know what to do in this case.

Kinds

The term “bullying” is defined as bullying, intimidation of a person by one or more aggressors.

There are four types of bullying at school, and they can also be combined with each other.

1. Verbal. The child is insulted, called offensive names, laughed at, at his behavior and appearance.
2. Behavioral terror. One student is boycotted, isolated from him, his things are taken away, all sorts of conditions are created that make existence in a group unbearable.
3. Physical abuse. The child is subjected to targeted injuries and beatings. Here we are talking about a situation where one of the opponents is stronger than the other, and not about school fights.
4. Cyberbullying. Bullying occurs through social networks, when a child is sent an offensive message or videos are made that demonstrate bullying of the victim, and they are posted on social network or on YouTube.

Possible causes and risk group

School bullying mainly occurs when two factors are present.

1. Improper upbringing in the family. A child grows up who wants to be a leader and achieves this in any way, oppressing the weaker. Or, who grew up in a family where brute force was practiced, and he became an aggressor.
2. Wrong actions of teachers. In some cases, teachers themselves provoke the development of bullying when they begin to note the qualities of a certain child. Often teachers do not notice what is happening in their class, and there is connivance.

It is necessary to understand that any person can have some deviations or shortcomings, and this does not mean that he should be mocked.

The most common victims of bullying are:

• insecure, quiet kids who are somehow different from the rest, have flaws in appearance or behavior, in speech, in particular, are too thin or overweight, those who wear glasses have physical disabilities;
• children who are different in race, have language problems, have different skin color;
• those who have material wealth;
• children who are successful in school;
• externally very beautiful.

Characteristic manifestations

Signs of bullying include:

• physical aggression;
• damage to property;
• battery;
• verbal aggression, when they come up with offensive nicknames for the child, distort his name, and swear at him;
• spreading gossip and false rumors about the victim.

Parents may suspect bullying if their daughter or son experiences certain changes:

• the child's money and things disappear;
• the child became thoughtful, constantly upset;
• there is no communication with classmates outside of school;
• high school students begin to withdraw into themselves, younger students try to be around adults as much as possible;
• torn clothes, abrasions, bruises and scratches on the baby’s body;
• the child is looking for an excuse not to go to school, pretending to be sick.

If it is determined that bullying is occurring at school and a child is being bullied, the children cannot be expected to sort it out on their own. It is necessary to understand that inaction will only allow the aggressors to have a free hand; they will feel that they are permissive and will begin to abuse the child even more.

1. Parents must show their offspring that he is not left alone with his problem, that they are always ready to support him.
2. It is unacceptable to ask the child again and again about what he experienced, forcing him to return to those events when he felt threatened, humiliated or pressured.
3. You cannot mock your son or daughter, say that this is not serious, that he is overreacting to the behavior of his classmates.
4. You must teach your child not to be fooled by provocations, not to react to what is said in his direction, if you are sure that psychological bullying will not turn into physical violence.
5. Reassure your student that other children are counting on him to panic, show weakness, complain, cry, or tantrum. This means that you need to demonstrate your equanimity and self-sufficiency so that others do not cling. Practice with your child how to properly communicate with aggressive individuals. Tell them that you shouldn’t burst into tears or scream, it’s better to speak to the offender politely and with humor.
6. Be sure to show your offspring that you are with him. There is no need to assume that he is already an adult; he can cope with the offenders on his own. It is important that the child sees support and support in his parents.
7. Let the student, if his things are damaged, immediately inform the teacher about it, but there is no need to name the names of specific children. It's better to say that someone ruined something. It is important that the instigators see that the victim will not remain silent.
8. Do everything to ensure that your child is not afraid of school bullies. At the same time, explain that it is always necessary to turn to the teacher for help if the situation is too advanced, in particular, if there are threats or attempts to beat him.
9. If a child cannot assert himself at school, then you can find a place where he can do this. For example, go to the sports section, sign up for a creative club. It is important that a girl or boy has a place where he can feel his importance.
10. Foster self-confidence in your offspring, courage, praise him regularly, and increase self-esteem. Remember how he treats himself is how the people around him will treat him.
11. Communicate with your child, consult with him, ask his opinion in a given situation.
12. Sometimes it is necessary to seek help from a psychologist. A skilled specialist will be able to change the situation radically, find the right approach to the child, create a trusting relationship with him, establish contact, and help cope with internal conflict.
13. If the situation turns in such a way that the child is really in danger of physical violence from his peers, then it is necessary to take emergency measures, contact the class teacher, the principal, who will call the parents of the offenders. If this does not help, you need to take further action, contact law enforcement agencies, and the press. It is necessary to understand that persecutors, in fact, themselves have low self-esteem and are trying to increase it at the expense of the chosen victim.

AiF.ru spoke with experts and participants in school conflicts to understand what to do if a child has become a victim of bullying, and how to overcome bullying.

Desperate to sort things out “in an amicable way,” the father of a student at one of the Chelyabinsk schools decided to talk to his son’s offender “like a man.” He came to educational institution and beat an eleven-year-old child who did not allow his son to pass. A criminal case has been opened against the man. The parents of the beaten teenager wrote a statement to law enforcement agencies and took the documents from the school.

"Learn to put in place"

Bullying (from English bullying) is bullying, aggressive persecution of one of the team members. Almost every schoolchild faces this: some were victims, and others witnessed humiliation and beatings of a peer.

“I was a victim of bullying from 6th to 9th grade,” recalls Chelyabinsk resident Victoria. — She differed from her peers in that she weighed under 70 kg. So what if I'm fat? I'm still perplexed. But children are the most evil of people. Therefore, they constantly pestered me: they called me a fat-meat factory, during physical education they stood in a row next to a goat and laughed while I jumped over it (and, by the way, I jumped), pulled my hair and humiliated me in every possible way. Sitting at a desk with me was considered shameful. I didn't have any friends in class. One girl sometimes tried to talk to me and called home on the phone. She and I did homework together. But then I realized that this is what she needed from me: to copy off her homework. And she was friends with me while no one saw. The teachers pretended that nothing was happening. They all didn't care about me."

Victoria suffered humiliation, and then decided to put her classmates in their place. Do not swallow grievances, but carry out revenge on everyone to the end: she complained intensely to teachers, and demanded that the offender be punished, brought her parents to school so that they could talk with classmates, stopped allowing cheating in class and received it herself best ratings. Gradually they began to lag behind her: now they were afraid of her, although, perhaps, they continued to hate her.

“It all ended when I graduated from school and entered technical school,” Vika confesses. “There were smarter and more well-mannered children here.” That’s why I look back on those years now and want to say to all the victims of bullying: it will end as soon as you graduate from your damn schools.”

Bullying is a worldwide phenomenon. Photo: Wikipedia

Poisons alone, but he seems omnipotent

Chelyabinsk psychologist Victoria Nagornaya I’m sure that the whole world is against you, as it seems to the victim, almost never happens. Well, maybe in the movie “Scarecrow”. The more modest or weaker ones are bullied, as a rule, by one or two people or a group of friends. And none of his classmates stand up, so the child thinks that the whole world is against him. This is the worst thing: children are afraid to go against a group of usurpers, as a rule, from dysfunctional families or with difficult characters. They poison the lives of those who are different: in appearance, have a physical defect, stutter, and so on. The “flock” does not give life to one or two classmates, disrupts classes, and is rude to teachers.

“The attention of teachers is very important here,” says the psychologist. “It is in the hands of the teacher that the opportunity to reconcile children is in their hands, to make them think together and not against each other.” I studied the work of one teacher from St. Petersburg, who introduced such cooperative games for the children, their leisure time was so occupied that everyone in this class forgot about bullying. They went to theaters and cinema together, sat at desks based on their interests, but the offender was forced to admit that the victim was somehow better than him, and involuntarily began to respect this child. For some reason, the work of class teachers in this direction is usually discounted. I think this is fundamentally wrong.”

“I wanted to kill”

Maxim from Yuzhnouralsk recalls how a couple of years ago he became the object of ridicule from his former friend and desk neighbor. After breaking his leg, the boy, previously an athlete and school champion, became downright weak in physical education classes. A friend dubbed him a weakling and got into the habit of pushing him and slapping him, taking advantage of the fact that Maxim would not catch up.

“It was unbearable,” the eleventh-grader now recalls, “I wanted to kill them, these brutes, Dimon and his minions. The only thing that helped me was fight club. As soon as my leg returned to normal, I signed up for the wrestling section. Dimon flew down the stairs from my blow, like a migratory bird. This (from the first time he fought back) ended all the bullying.”

According to Maxim, Dmitry was an uncontrollable child. He did not obey either the teachers or the director. Insolent from impunity, he was rude to them and laughed in their faces. The boy quickly realized that the Education Law was on his side. In order to expel a child from school, you need to make a lot, a lot of effort. In particular, no collective letters from parents and classmates will help: compulsory education in Russia. Only a student over 15 years of age who has completed 9 grades, or a serious offender, can be expelled. Some schools have classes for children with deviant behavior, but not in all of them.

“I had to have a tantrum in the office”

Svetlana from Volgograd also faced bullying. Her ten-year-old son was bullied by his classmates.

“My son was constantly under psychological pressure. No, they didn’t beat him, but they constantly humiliated him psychologically,” she says. “He didn’t always talk about what was happening to him at school. But when I began to question in detail, it turned out that a group of classmates, the leader of which, so to speak, was the largest boy from the parallel, constantly took food from my son. They took money, threw personal belongings, gave my son offensive nicknames.”

First of all, Svetlana turned to the class teacher and wrote a report addressed to her. But the appeal had no effect. The humiliation continued. The woman went to the director.

“He started mumbling something incomprehensible to me in response like: “You understand, they are from a bad family. Why didn't you apply earlier? Where were you looking?“ But what difference does it make, why didn’t you contact me earlier? I came to you now, solve my problem!” — the Volgograd resident is indignant.

Svetlana says that she tried to talk to the parents of the offenders. Some were cooperative, while others simply did not respond to her appeals.

“I realized that my son had nothing to do in this class, and transferred him to another. It wasn't easy. The director dodged it in every possible way. He said that there were no places in other classes, that it was difficult for him to rewrite the tariff rates for teachers. I literally had to go hysterical in his office,” the Volgograd resident confesses. “In the end, my son was transferred. He's doing well now. In the new class, food is not taken away from him or called names. He made new friends, and in general he has smooth and calm relations with his classmates. Of course, he sometimes meets during breaks those with whom he studied earlier. He says they call him a traitor. But the fact that he has become more comfortable studying is a fact.”

“The basis of bullying is always violence. It is this definition that concretizes the problem and does not allow it to be talked about, transferring what is happening in the classroom into the plane of a banal conflict, he believes psychologist Natalya Uskova. — At this point, it is important for parents not to lose composure, to clarify the situation, to collect concrete facts, do not evaluate the child’s behavior, but fully support and be on his side. After all, bullying is a disease that infects the entire class. In addition to the victim and the aggressor, there are also retinues and observers. Children themselves cannot stop or get out of a destructive situation. Adults needed. In this regard, it is important for parents to immediately stop bullying by making the problem public, attracting the attention of the class teacher, parents, school psychologist, and administration. Therefore, if you are faced with a problem being “shared out” within the school, go into the regulatory regime, involving the department, the police, and the media. As a rule, the good old “statement clerk” quickly forces everyone to take an adult position and act in accordance with their responsibilities. Without acting, adults issue indulgences for violence in children's groups. The consequences are not difficult to imagine.”

If a child studies well, he can also be bullied for this. Photo: pixabay.com

What to do?

Bullying has become so widespread that it was brought to the attention of the Presidential Human Rights Council. A number of measures have been developed to eliminate bullying. Among them are, for example, the following: through the Internet, make sure that bullying is considered a shameful model of behavior. Children who stand up for victims of bullying should be seen as heroes. It is necessary to organize helplines for victims of bullying, who can use code words when talking to operators. All these measures are still only in plans and on paper.

“The problem of bullying children in schools by their peers has a very long history and is acute in almost all countries,” AiF.ru reported. Evgeniy Korchago, lawyer and human rights activist, member of the council. “Therefore, proposals for developing a concept to combat bullying are necessary and timely. However, due to the high latency of the problem and the complexity of its solution, there is a danger of turning this good idea into sociability and formality in the pursuit of statistical indicators. To counteract bullying, it is necessary to cultivate a healthy psychological climate among students with maximum involvement of the teacher in the extracurricular life of the class. Only teachers with great authority among their students will be able to create effective mechanisms for identifying and preventing bullying.”

However, the lawyer asks you to pay attention to a number of points. Firstly, an ordinary quarrel between classmates and bullying should be distinguished. Secondly, under no circumstances should you commit lynching, like the father of a Chelyabinsk schoolboy. The man faces criminal penalties including imprisonment.

“Of course, it’s impossible to keep quiet about bullying,” the lawyer advises. — Parents need to contact their class teacher or school principal. If this does not have any effect, contact the department, committee, Ministry of Education, prosecutor's office, police. Few people remember that children can be transferred to home schooling while school problems are being resolved. If necessary, you can change classes or schools, but this is not always necessary.”

“It’s very important here not to get depressed,” seventeen-year-old Maxim gives simple advice to victims of bullying. “I was also a scapegoat.” I read on the Internet that they were also attacked George Clooney, and my idol David Beckham, and beauty Julia Roberts. So I was in some great company. And he concluded: if you are nobody, they don’t pay attention to you. If you are the best, they attack out of simple envy.”

TEXT: Natalya Tsymbalenko

The problem of bullying in schools is acute, including because adults - teachers and parents (both aggressors and victims of bullying) - still prefer to turn a blind eye to her. But this does not mean that evil practices do not need to be fought or that this fight cannot be successful. Moscow government employee Natalya Tsymbalenko tells how she managed to stop bullying at the school where her son studies.

"Cool" and "uncool"

My son Petya entered the gymnasium after primary school. In his class, a core of so-called “cool” people quickly formed, who began to cling to the “uncool” ones. Petya was also among the “uncool” ones. He brought Legos and plasticine to school - “ugh, uncool.” Avoiding conflicts, being afraid of fights and loud showdowns means “uncool.” Now, having studied many books on the topic of bullying, I know that the reason for bullying can be absolutely anything: by removing the supposed cause of bullying, bullying cannot be stopped.

After I hired my son a personal trainer in fencing, swordplay and hand-to-hand combat, his fear of conflicts has disappeared: Peter is now not afraid to fight and can. They gradually fell behind him, but not from the rest of the “uncool” ones. Their personal belongings were taken away (textbooks, briefcases were hidden - this is not considered robbery, but a joke), and bottles of urine were placed in their briefcases. They pulled off their pants, photographed them in this form, and posted the photos on the Internet. Moreover, last fall he best friend Misha, with whom he became friends on the basis of “uncoolness,” was twice “swindled out of money” by his “cool” classmates: they promised to buy a vape (after all, if you want to be cool, you have to smoke a vape!) and did not buy it. Misha’s mother, who tried to intervene in the situation, was simply rude to the “cool” people and told that her son was “hydrocephalic.”

Reaction from teachers and parents

When Petya and several of the same boys went to the class teacher for help, she did not interfere. At most, she held conversations on the topic “let’s live together,” and in conversations with parents she reasoned that “children don’t like informers,” “we need to strengthen our character,” “be able to find an approach to our comrades.”

The parents of the instigators all shouted as one in the parent chat that their children were “saints”, they were slandering them, and in general “you provoked it yourself.” The mother of the student who took money for a vape reacted even more “beautifully,” telling Misha’s mother the following: “Explain to me how you allowed your son to encourage my son to buy a vape?”

I listened to the class teacher and parents for a long time that “the children must figure it out themselves.” But after one of my son’s classmates posted a photoshop of Peter on his page, mocking the fact that his son began to “swing,” my patience came to an end.

“You won’t prove it!”

I met and communicated with parents of students who were bullied in class. Some were afraid to intervene in the situation, others simply wanted to transfer the child from school. In the end, only three mothers (including me) decided to write statements and sort out the situation with the class. I collected the facts, removed my emotions, remembered the good old office and sat down to write a statement.

I collected concrete evidence: correspondence between the participants in the story about vaping and a classmate’s account, where it was clear that he was not only a member of groups selling vapes, but also sold them himself; photos of Petya and screenshots of the account where these photos were posted.

Then I asked the class teacher for a meeting with the school principal and parents of students who bully classmates. The class teacher became hysterical and began writing in the parent chat that she couldn’t cope with the management and was abandoning the class. The parents of the “holy children” began to be indignant there and demanded that I be lynched for disrupting the class.

A meeting with the director was not scheduled - the manager claimed that she was very busy, but called a psychologist and a social worker. My husband and I and two other mothers came to the meeting, being sure that it was only for formality. The leitmotif of the meeting, at which the parents of the “cool ones” shouted at me, grabbed my things from the table and got personal, was the phrase “You won’t prove it!” Then I gave a statement to the social worker and said that I would demand an official investigation.

School representatives rolled their eyes and said: “What a nightmare, why didn’t you say before that this was happening in class?” And then they said the sacramental: “You won’t prove it!” I advised them to save this phrase for the prosecutor’s office, which, based on my application, will come to check why the school is inactive when vapes are being sold within its walls. School officials said they would report the situation to the principal.

I called the school director’s phone number listed on the website and found out that she did not know at all about the meeting with parents or about the situation in the class. I foresaw this, so I said that I would bring a statement. I sent this wonderful work of more than twenty pages to e-mail to the address of the school, to the address of the chairman of the school’s governing council, and at the same time took it to the government of her district and to the commission on juvenile affairs, which the head of the council heads.

I firmly decided to go all the way: even if we later decide to leave school, we will leave after “giving earrings to all the sisters,” and not with a cultivated sense of guilt. We talked all this over with my son - he didn’t want to leave school because of Misha.

Stop bullying

As a result, the school got involved and began to understand the situation. In the classroom, we held a meeting with the juvenile affairs inspector and spoke separately with the parents of the students whom I indicated in the collective (this is important) application. The money for the vape was eventually returned and an apology was made. A student selling vapes was registered. They said about photoshopped photos: “We didn’t know that you would be offended, we didn’t know that people were going to court for this.”

No one expected that I would not participate in “parental battles” and find out whose son should “better wash himself - maybe then they will be friends with him,” but would go the wonderful bureaucratic route of letters and complaints. Everyone instantly learned the culture - they stop those who want to draw photoshopped pictures. The bullying in my son's class has stopped. How long will it last? We'll see.

We discussed everything with the boys. At first they were very scared. Moreover, the aggression of the “cool” even intensified after our meeting with the parents. The “cool ones” discussed how to meet guys after school, showed Misha notes “1000 rubles, or your dog will die.” But we decided not to miss classes. I called at every break, my husband picked Petya up from school. I also promised to hire them a bodyguard if the threats became even a little bit like reality. But the more activity the school developed, the more more class I understood that this was all serious. And he calmed down.

Bullying does not depend on the status of the school. After all, the gymnasium where my son studies is good standing. My colleagues have problems with social stratification even in elite schools: a child of very rich parents (goes to school with a bodyguard) bullies the entire class of children of simply rich parents.

And not a single bullying will end until adults intervene. Until those who bully learn responsibility. My main message was this: “I haven’t come to school for all these three years - make sure that I don’t come anymore.”